Awoken

Three screenshots of my Overdrive app

This post is just a great big dump of all the books that have crossed my path in the past couple of months.

I love that I discovered Overdrive this past year (ebooks are actually not as horrible as I thought they would be; give it a try if you're wary and at least just see what you think!). But I'm also returning to my first love of actual paper copies and it is something lovely.

I showed up early to a dinner date with a friend the other day and got to browse at a nearby thrift store. My soul was awoken simply from getting to touch old fabric-bound classics and skimming book titles with my head turned sideways.

In this last year I've seriously ramped up on my plugged-in time (e.g., blogging, Instagram, texting, even some Facebook when I'm feeling crazy (!)), which for me has actually been good. But when I feel myself getting too wired, I know it's time to pull back, and some of the ways I do that is: (1) get back to reading paper books, (2) consolidating social media and blog reading to certain times of the day, (3) turning on Do Not Disturb and airplane mode as needed.

(It's crazy how something as simple as touching a natural material - e.g., paper made from trees - is at once calming and enlivening, versus touching plastic and glass.)

It's an interesting dance to figure out how to incorporate technology, to find that sweet spot where it's assisting you in your goals without sucking the marrow out of your soul.

David and I have been having some conversations (on the RoCast, our private podcast where we pretend we are famous like Rob Bell and we record ourselves using the Voice Memo app) about technology and the resulting loss of community and connection for Millennials especially, because of where we fall between two differing generations.

Anyway, I'm still figuring out the best way to share what I'm reading, but until then, here's a dump of EVERYTHING. Please chime in with any of your thoughts and/or suggestions!

Books I've finished in the last couple months

1. The Magic of Motherhood by Ashlee Gadd and the Coffee+Crumbs Team (own this, love it; it would be a great baby shower gift)
2. Quiet by Susan Cain (mentioned in a recent post of mine)
3. Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari (it was entertaining to read something that is so Aziz; also, enlightening to see how relationships have changed as a result of technology; the fact that texting > phone calls in 2007 explains my life.)
4. Nine Women One Dress by Jane L. Rosen (fun breezy read)
5. The Nesting Place by Myquillyn Smith (I love how Myquillyn explains how you should think about decorating, which applies to anyone no matter your style; my take-aways are It doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful, you can't ruin something you already hate, just get started, you will have to make nail holes in your house and that's okay, try to do as much as you can yourself and save only what you must to bug your husband to do)
6. The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile (great modern intro to the Enneagram)
7. Chasing Slow by Erin Loechner (surprised me with its tone and overall was just a unique/interesting read; I wasn't familiar with her before so that perhaps affected my read)

Books that got returned to the library before I finished them (for one reason or another!)

1. Notes from a Blue Bike by Tsh Oxenreider
2. Falling Free by Shannan Martin
3. Untethered by Julie Lawson Timmer
4. An Altar in the World by Barbara Brown Taylor (This book really resonated with me and I think I'd like to try to check out a paper copy in the future)
5. Commonwealth by Ann Patchett
6. A Million Little Ways by Emily P. Freeman
7. How to Manage Your House Without Losing Your Mind by Dana K. White
8. Me Before You by Jojo Moyes
9. Organized Simplictiy by Tsh Oxenreider

Books I have on hold

1. All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg
2. Hillbilly Elegy by J.D. Vance
3. Big Little Lies by Liane Moriarty
4. No Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegal (book club book for an online group that I'm lurking in and thinking of jumping in on?)

Books that I found at the thrift store the other day (I thought it was a lucky day, but maybe it's just the good side of town, ha)

1. Big Magic by Liz Gilbert (hard cover!) - gave it to a friend and also currently re-reading; I mentioned that it was one of the most influential books I read in 2016.
2. Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster (also hard cover! can't have too many copies of my 67th favorite book, lol)
3. Rising Strong by Brené Brown (also hard cover!) - I'm reading this right now and it's amazing, if anyone cares to join along!
4. Quiet by Susan Cain (ask me if you want to borrow it!)
5. The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd Jones

Books I'm reading now

1. Big Magic by Liz Gilbert (re-read; well, I did listen to the audiobook the first time, which was awesome, so this is my first time actually reading)
2. Rising Strong by Brené Brown
3. Talking As Fast As I Can by Lauren Graham (just got this today)
4. Your Are Your Child's First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin Dancy (also just got this today)

P.S. Our favorite children's book that we recently discovered: Nanette's Baguettes

P.P.S. Links are Amazon affiliate links. You won't spend extra if you purchase anything through these links, but a percentage of the sale will go to supporting the aforementioned RoCast. Just kidding. Maybe. 

This reversal

I recently stumbled across a recipe for Vietnamese chicken curry that captures that brothiness I so love in my food. (In case you've haven't noticed.)

My maternal grandfather's quick-and-dirty Malaysian chicken curry recipe uses a whole can of coconut milk and not very much water (in fact, as little as you can get by without burning the food), but I liked this reversal I found on Hungry Huy.

It calls for only half a cup of coconut milk to 4-5 cups of liquid. He uses a mix of chicken broth and water, but since I stock (couldn't help myself*) Costco's organic stock which isn't very salty, I use all stock in my version for extra flavor.

(*When the cartons of chicken stock in your pantry notice you checking on your supply a lot, do they say, "Are you stocking me?" Souper sorry for that. Not.)

I was pleasantly surprised with how far that half cup of coconut milk went, giving the whole pot just the right amount of creaminess and Southeast Asian flair, and so instead of disregarding the recipe and just throwing the rest of the can in, I decided to make coconut sticky rice with mangoes, because obviously.

One last note on the curry before I share both recipes. While you can serve this over rice, the Viet way to enjoy this is with (Vietnamese, if possible) French bread.

You will be floating like this French bread after eating this.

(Okay that was not the last note because I have one more thing to say, as always:)

The leftovers are also amazing with noodles - such as vermicelli, udon, or by making a packet of ramen (spicy or regular) with some of the seasoning and broth, and throwing the curry into it, plus a poached-in-the-pot egg.

Actually, the egg can be eaten on any version of this dish. SEAsians were "putting an egg on it" way before it was the trendy thing to do. If you've never had a crispy fried egg with an oozing egg yolk over a bowl of curry rice, well, then, stop everything you're doing right now and get thee to a kitchen.

Vietnamese Chicken Curry (cà ri gà)
adapted from Hungry Huy

2 lb bone-in chicken thighs and drumsticks, marinated in 2 t salt and 2 T curry powder
1 large yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
2 stalks lemongrass, cut into 5" lengths (smash the base to expose more flavor, and cut lengthwise in half, if desired)
3 bay leaves, or a few stalks of curry leaves, if you are so lucky to have access
1 1/2 lb potatoes, cubed (~2")
3-4 carrots, cut into 3" lengths (the chunky look is nice for this soupy curry)
1/2 cup canned coconut milk (full-fat, try to use a Thai - not American - brand)
1 tsp sugar
4 cups chicken broth
extra curry powder to taste (I like Baba's, which can be found at Ranch 99, but a Vietnamese Madras curry powder would be great, too)
fish sauce and/or fermented shrimp paste, to taste
squeeze of lemon and/or cilantro, optional, for garnish

Marinate the chicken at least two hours in advance, or overnight. Don't be afraid to over-salt. This flavor will be dispersed into a pot of broth with over two pounds of vegetables, and salting the pot later can never match the level of flavor you get from pre-marination. (Pre-marinated murder?)

In a heavy-bottomed pot or Dutch oven, sear the chicken pieces in batches and set aside on a plate. Heat up more oil and sweat the onions in the pan. Add minced garlic, stir a few times, then add broth. Return chicken to the pot, along with sugar, bay leaves, lemongrass, carrots and potatoes.

(Hungry Huy has you par-fry the potatoes and carrots so they don't disintegrate into the broth, but I'm giving you the lazier version. Just cut your vegetables larger, and watch them so they don't melt.)

Bring to a boil, then lower and let simmer until everything is cooked, probably about 20 minutes. Stir in coconut milk. Taste for salt and add fish/shrimp sauce if it needs some extra funk. Serve with cilantro and lemon and with French bread.



Coconut Sticky Rice with Mangoes

1 1/2 to 2 cups Thai sweet rice
1 1/2 cups coconut milk (conveniently, what you will have leftover after you make the above recipe)
1/3 cup white sugar
1/4 t sea salt
2 mangoes (Champagne/Manila/Ataulfo are the best for this, as they are sweeter and less fibrous), cubed or sliced

Make sticky rice however it is that you make sticky rice. I'm lucky that my Zojirushi makes it for me, but if you have to use a steamer, this looks like a reliable method.

While the rice is cooking, simmer coconut milk, sugar, and salt together on the stove top. Taste it and make sure it has a good hit of salt. (I like it with the salt and feel that it makes up for the reduced amount of sugar I use compared to restaurant versions of this dish.)

When the rice is done, stir in about 1 cup of the coconut-sugar mixture into the warm rice, reserving the rest for serving when you plate.

To serve, you can mold the rice into a small bowl or some other mold, then invert it onto your serving plate(s). Arrange mango on the side and drizzle more coconut mixture on everything. It can be served warm or at room temperature.

Share, if you're generous, or destroy the evidence, if you're not.

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And for what we're eating this week:

P.S. Writing about coconut prepared two ways reminded me of the time I wrote about pumpkin: sweet+savory.

P.P.S. One other coconut PSA. Saw this recipe and I'm tempted to try it out!

Unmoored

Hi! I just need to check in and make sure I write/post after a week of vacation in Richmond, VA. It was so needed, more than I knew, and it's a little hard coming back to the grey and the gloom.

I don't know if the negative/blah feelings have to do with the weather, the environment, the lack of support I perceive, or if it's spiritual warfare, but for one week I was able to escape from it, and coming back I am reminded of how much I feel unmoored here.

So I'm contriving some goals (RIGHT NOW as I write this) and publishing them here to keep myself afloat until I feel better.

1. Get in my 10,000 steps. I had been doing really well with walking until the really cold months and I want to pick it up again.

2. Keep blogging. Sometimes it's hard to generate content, but the discipline is good for me. I feel like I'm trying to beat this depression like they do in AA, one day at a time.

3. Keep menu planning and keep cooking. I feel "flow" (as defined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) when I'm cooking: it's the perfect creative thing for me that's neither too easy nor too challenging to really enjoy myself. I've recently noticed that ethereal quality of "feeling at home with myself" (love that phrase from this article) while cooking lately, and I really treasure that, because I don't experience that feeling very often anymore these days.

4. Per my previous post, I'm going to try to meet up with friends more than once a week. I can't control the outcome (i.e., feeling socially energized or emotionally satisfied), but I can choose my actions.

5. Start a "thankful" list. I've talked once about how the word "gratitude" rubs me wrong, and I've since heard one other blogger/podcaster talk about it too, so it's not just me. It's funny how word choice can make such a big difference. I find I'm more empowered when I say "I'm thankful for..." or "I appreciate..." than when I say "I'm so grateful..." so if that's what it takes for me to be a more thankful person, I'll take it. With this goal, I will write down one thing I'm thankful for (or a moment that gave me joy) every day for a month, or til the end of May, and then see how it goes for me.

6. Be more open to how God is at work in my life. I'm on this interesting journey right now where I feel upside down with my faith. So much doesn't make sense to me, and it's hard to articulate what exactly that is. (Molly, your email had me thinking all week and I'm working on a response for you.)

7. Drink more water. (This was added to this list somewhat facetiously, because what list of goals does not including drinking more water?)

Alright, there it is, for everyone to see. Now I have to do it!

P.S. Anyone watched or watching 13 Reasons Why on Netflix? Let's discuss! (I took some notes on my phone while watching, marked by episode, so I can "live"-discuss with you without spoilers. Text me!)

P.P.S. Most ironic moment today: using the dictation function on my phone to send a text to communicate the acronym "LOL."

On being a shy extrovert

"Vulnerability is [...] having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome." -- Brené Brown

Last week I wrote about feeling weary of feeling lonely. The writing of it was very hard to tease out, but - and I keep discovering this - as I pushed though things and disciplined myself to just write (without pressure to publish but just for the sake of doing it), I felt a lot lighter.

I'm not sure what came over me the day after that but in a moment of boldness I later posted on the Year of Creativity Facebook group (and y'all know I do not use Facebook) to introduce myself for the first time (3 months into the year!) and I decided to share my blog. (Many of the ladies have already shared their blogs, published articles, social media accounts, other projects, etc.)

I had yet to speak up on the group and so, in typical me fashion, I typed with trepidation. I couldn't help but share that I'm an Ennegram 6, and that I was thus afraid that publicly sharing my blog would cause me to stop writing.

I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of responses, the encouragement to keep going, and the reassurance that I am not alone.

Apparently I had been keeping these feelings of despair to myself because I didn't want to be a burden to other people. I didn't even want to put the words to paper because I felt like I deserved to feel the burden of it. (Such is the insidious nature of isolation, whether self-imposed or not.)

But now I wonder if the truest form of opening up isn't burdensome to others, but is instead an opportunity for others to see me as I am. It doesn't demand but rather gently invites.

The same evening after I took that step to share myself in internet land, I spontaneously invited two of my neighbors and their kids over to play in our yard after dinner. To my delight, they responded with quick and eager yesses.

The chill had let up a bit as the day had progressed (as is often the case in Seattle), and I exhilarated in the thrill of having friends to chat with on the back deck as we watched the kids play on the grass and the golden glow settled on the cherry blossoms.

After they left, and we put the kids down for bed, I found myself with an unexpected energy as I tidied up the toys and cleared the kitchen.

It was a simple gathering, in which there had been no planning or food (two of my specialties) - although decaf and Bailey's was offered - but which was thoroughly satisfying for me. And while we didn't have super deep and share-all-your-darkest-secrets conversation, I was the most energized I had been in a long time.

Since that evening I've made a simple connection for me that is changing my perspective in this current season of life for me.

The connection pertains to Susan Cain's Quiet, in which the author proposes two dimensions to personality, the introversion-extroversion axis and the orthogonal axis that measures how anxious/calm or stable an individual (whether introverted or extroverted) is.

(This article, also by Cain, maps those axes to the four humors, with which I am very familiar from Stephen Ministry training, and which also explains the nuanced difference between my and David's extroversion.)

The ah-ha moment for me is that I'm an anxious or shy extrovert. (I've always joked that I'm an extroverted homebody, as in, Everybody come to me, but this categorization of Anxious really puts some legs on this thing.)

I love being with people but I dislike putting myself out there. I think this predicament is amplified by being an Enneagram 6. I am excellent at being a chameleon: I wait to see what others think first, so that I can present only the parts of myself that are congruent with them.*

(*I think this is why blogging is super scary for me, because although some close friends know every dimension and plane of me, I am wont to keep different circles of friendships in which I am a certain version of me. This supposedly is to protect me (from ostracization?), but I do it at the expense of authenticity. It sounds sad when I type this out. Sigh.

So when I tell new friends that I have a blog, I sort of cringe and think, "oh no, they are going to read something that reveals a different part of me that I'm afraid they will reject me for." And there are definitely people I want to be friends with with whom I haven't shared my blog because I am afraid of what they will think.)

Naming this disparity for myself - the fact that I get energy from people but I'm shy to be the first to put myself out there - helped me realize how I actually have more control over my life than I thought I did. I may not have control over how many deep and abiding friendships I can secure (intentionally clingy word choice there), but I can take a simple step (which may or not be related) which is to get my extroverted needs met. This - at its simplest - means to to make plans with people, spend time with them, go out and find people. So adultish, but yes, it is, after all, my responsibility to get my needs met.

For when I feel energized I am a more interesting person which ultimately reinforces my efforts to develop deeper community.

So I guess my goal now is to be aware (and accepting) of my need to be with people (just as I respect and support introverts I know who need alone time to recharge) and, with self-compassion, support myself in the quest to fill my days with more friend time. Sounds like a plan, right? (Insert self-five.)

P.S. I just read the chapter in Quiet on Asian-Americans which discusses my hometown Cupertino and even mentions my high school (!). It made me wonder if I have not adjusted my introvert-extrovert scale to a different culture outside of the Bay.

P.P.S. If anyone else is reading Quiet, I hope you'll comment below and/or text me your thoughts. So far, I'm enjoying it, but also struggling with the lack of differentiation between being introverted and being quiet. I know she tries to bring up that point (and I mention this with the two axes above) but I still think that the analysis is confounded by a subtle confluence between extroversion and expressiveness. I struggle to believe that America or the West is actually necessarily more extroverted than other cultures, but rather that expressiveness and boldness and individualism are elevated in this culture. I don't believe extroversion and expressiveness are the same thing. Anyhoo, maybe I'm misreading this or projecting on it too much.

P.P.P.S. I'd love your comments! Being a grown up means I can "ask for what I want and honor the response" (Richo, How To Be An Adult). Well, this extroverted Enneagram 6 thrives on feedback so I would love to hear from you. :) Thanks, as always, for reading. This is such a good exercise for me, to write and then to be brave by sharing. Thank you so much for being here.

Against the current

Lately I've been feeling fried and scattered and not in my groove.

It helps to be reminded that I have a one- and three-year-old who for some reason just don't get that my goal every day is to feel on top of things. I stay at home so I should be able to get tons of housework and cooking done on the regular, right?

But really, with two rapscallions who love to undo everything I do, sometimes I wonder why I even try.

I am trying to remember to "capture the moments" that make it "all worth it" - the snuggles, the funny things they say, and even the mischievous looks and grins.

However, that can be hard during days (or weeks) when the bright moments seem outweighed by the hard moments - constant crying that cannot be mitigated or reasoned with, broken glass from a frame knocked off the shelf, middle-of-the-night wake ups (from the 3yo and not the baby, mind you), and the pain I feel in my lower back and hips from so much carrying of these thirty-five and twenty-pound lovely lumps.

The weather is still fluctuating here in the Pacific Northwest and spring has not yet decided that it's ready to pull off its winter covers. I wish my mood weren't so determined by the pattern of the sun and the clouds, that I had the strength to push through the grey and get my kids (and myself) out on days that are gloomy and wet.

On those dark days, I feel as though I'm swimming against the current.

I wrote a list of things to make sure I'm staying on top of the bare minimum self-care items, but I feel the need for even more yet, and I'm not sure what I can do. Is it just restlessness from a long winter?

(Practically, I'd love a project, or a class, or someone to do something with. If anyone else is in this same boat of needing to do something with someone, like a book club or other project, please let me know!)

I was telling a friend yesterday how vulnerable it feels to be as extroverted as I am, to feel like my threshold for friendship and social interaction greatly exceeds the reality of my current situation.

Though I'm eager to find a solution to the inquietude and my frequent feelings of loneliness, sometimes I wonder if it's good just to name it, that longing and yearning for something more. Being a very pragmatic person, I have a hard time sitting still in unsettling situations. In my heart I know there can be more (more community, more depth). But perhaps my call right now is to find peace in the midst of circumstances that refuse to change and that are as stubborn as is this Seattle winter.

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On a totally different note, here is a special peak into my W-E-I-R-D brain. We visited a different church last Sunday and when I was headed to the restroom, I passed a door that was labeled "Mop Room." Before I could help myself, my brain went to this random place. I wondered to myself, "What if, instead of being a 'Mop Room' it was actually the MOPS Room, and when you opened it, a bunch of Moms of Preschoolers popped up and yelled, 'Supplies!'"

I hope you're not too embarrassed to still be my friend.

Well worth the effort

Last week's menu was ambitious, but a couple of the meals turned out really well. 

The Vietnamese turmeric-dill salmon was awesome. I didn't do the sauteed vegetables on the side but we did bún bowls / spring rolls. I recommend the marinade and cooking method even just for having the salmon with rice. I had a pretty big filet, so I separated and removed the belly portion (which was thinner and thus cooked more quickly) when it was cooked and let the rest of it cook for longer. It isn't as pretty for presentation (or the blog, ha), but to have everything perfectly cooked was more important. The fish was buttery and moist.

In place of a picture of the salmon, here is some tempura shrimp Kathy made!

The other meal I really enjoyed was the Russian cabbage soup. I merged a bunch of recipes together and, even though it's a little counter-intuitive, I slow-cooked a roast the same day I made the soup. It felt awkward, because doing two lazy-in-theory meals in one day added up to a bunch of work. But the soup was delicious and in the end, well worth the effort.

I was prepared to add vinegar and sugar to give the sweet-and-sour taste I've had in Russian cabbage soups before, but the blended diced tomato (Kayla you are amazing) gave it the perfect brightness and sweetness it needed. I also added an extra can of tomato sauce but I think one or the other would be sufficient.

If you have leftover meat from a roast, or want to do this recipe with ground beef, I think those alternative methods would be great. It is, admittedly, a bit labor-intensive to do it the way I did.

Either way, I enjoyed experimenting this week and I will probably be making a borscht sometime soon to satisfy that perennial craving I have for all things sour.

Russian Cabbage Soup

the equivalent of one cooked beef roast, cubed. I used a ~2-3 lb bone roast that I salt-and-peppered-and-seared, then cooked in a crock pot with one beef bouillon cube and one cup of water.
1 onion, diced
1-2 carrots, diced
1-2 stalks celery, sliced, optional (I think I wouldn't put this in next time)
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 can tomato sauce and/or 1 can diced tomatoes, blended
1 head of cabbage, sliced
1-2 quarts chicken and/or beef stock (I prefer chicken stock if you have to use pre-made; beef stock can be tinny)
s+p
handful chopped dill
sour cream and chopped dill for garnish

Saute chopped onion in oil, then add carrots, celery, and garlic. Salt and pepper as you go. Add in tomato, cabbage, and chicken stock. Add cubed beef pieces, and any bones you might have. Adjust level of liquid so everything is covered. Bring to a boil, then lower and let simmer about 45 min to an hour. Stir in chopped dill (or leave entirely on the side if you have picky eaters) and serve with extra sour cream and dill.

Another random picture!



Sorry there are no pictures in reference to the food I talked about today!

And here's this week's menu:

mac 'n' cheese / excited to have sheet pan chicken again now that we have a working oven.

And always, please let me know what you're eating, especially for breakfasts and lunches (those meals are killing me slowly).