Instead

this new book, system, or routine

    a bullet journal

    morning pages

    exercising

i take a risk

start a hobby

scribble with my left hand

all of these life rafts, buoys, and rings

tossed out at me

i cling to them for dear life

when i forget 

that i

                             already

know and love

how to swim

or that              i can

just

                                    float.

The books I read in 2020

I've been in a bit of a reading rut and have been asking friends to help me get unstuck. Christine responded by asking me what has worked for me lately to give her a launching point for her suggestions, so I plan on enumerating that below in this post.

(PSA: If you don't want to fall into a reading rut, do not read Cara Wall's The Dearly Beloved. I repeat, do not read this beautiful book by Cara Wall. Everything you read after will just not live up to the beautiful prose and striking descriptions of humans in relationship to others and their faiths. If, after this warning, you choose not to heed my advice, then maybe just follow it up with Vanishing Half, if you haven't read it already, but I'm sure you have, and so I'm sorry.)

(Thankfully, my friend Sharon is here to save us all from book rut despair. When I asked my personal Modern Mrs. Darcy what to call the genre I cannot get enough of, this is what she had to say: "I've been trying to figure this out for myself, and my working category is quiet literary fiction/character studies and family sagas (though there are some family sagas I dislike, like the super dysfunctional ones of which I have read far too many). By quiet I mean that there's very little action that happens, haha, and when I describe it to someone else I feel like a crazy person because there's so little plot progress." YES, YES EXACTLY! She then pointed me to Anne Bogel's recent post for more great books to enjoy. You're welcome.)

Okay, returning back from parathetical land.

Paradoxically, in the midst of this book desert I've been drowning in (sorry for the morbid mixed metaphor), Julia Cameron (of morning pages fame), whose course The Artist's Way I've started working through, instructs in the chapter I'm currently on to take a week of reading deprivation. (Yes, you read that right. No reading anything for a week. I think it's supposed to propel you to create your own work instead of consuming other people's work.) 

I'm not sure I can stand to not read for a whole week, but I have not read for the past 8 hours (big whoop, I know) since I read that assignment. The self-imposed inability to not turn to a book to pass time has already created a vacuum for other stuff, such as facing this blog. 

Today I will use my extra time to tell you about what I read in 2020. 

I've been tracking my reading for two years now. I made a fun bullet journal spread in 2019 and then used Goodreads more in 2020. (Goodreads = great tool, but geez they did not need to be so rude about me not meeting my reading goal last year. "Better luck in 2021" -- really?!)

Here's a pictograph (?) of my 2019 reading:

One thing I'm really proud of is reading more fiction in 2020, increasing my measly 6 in 2019 to 24 in 2020. 

Before I get to my a complete list of my 2020 reads at the end of the post, here are a few highlights.

Favorite fiction:

- The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

- Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

- Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy (Imma blame Tolstoy for me not meeting my Goodreads goal)

- The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman

- Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

Favorite narrative non-fiction:

- Educated by Tara Westover

Favorite non-fiction:

- Burnout by Amelia Nagoski and Emily Nagoski

- Untamed by Glennon Doyle

- The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary (helpful and challenging enough to me that I'm re-reading this again this year)

Favorite (albeit only) Illustrated Memoir

- The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui

I actually listened to an audiobook and enjoyed it:

- Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

And here's the list in its entirety, in roughly chronological order as I read throughout the year:

Still Life by Louise Penny
Atomic Habits by James Clear

Educated by Tara Westover

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

Shrill by Lindy West

A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua

Dear Girls by Ali Wong

Slammed by Colleen Hoover

Pride by Ibi Zoboi

The Dutch House by Ann Patchett

All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman

The Flat Share by Beth O'Leary

The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen

A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza

Small Fry by Lisa Brennan Jobs

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

Cozy: The Art of Arranging Yourself in the World by Isabel Gillies

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Cider House Rules by John Irving

Little Gods by Meng Jin

Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

Re Jane by Patricia Park

Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

Anna K by Jenny Lee

There, There by Tommy Orange

How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell

Loveboat, Taipei by Abigail Hing Wen

Meet the Frugalwoods by Elizabeth Willard Thames

The Fixed Stars by Molly Wizenberg

The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary

The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

The Rule of One by Ashley Saunders and Leslie Saunders

Please feel free to send me recommendations for my next read and/or wish me "better luck in 2021"!

Also, raise your hand if you, like me (and Stephie and Chris*), slow down when a book is so good, because you don't want it to end, ya weirdo.

_______________

*Maria, feel free to let Chris know his first blog shout-out happened today, although I suppose he doesn't really need to read the post since he already uses your Goodreads account to stalk your friends for book recs.

The meal your February needs

Mid-winter is such a struggle. My (cooking) life is the bare branches I will to develop buds by staring at it really hard. 

Tonight's dinner was one such bud that was a mercy. I decided it needing sharing right away, even with dark nighttime photos.

It's a meal that's got a high fanciness:effort ratio and I think it'll be just what you need. Apparently I'd been carrying around this recipe for 19 years without knowing it, because it's in the first cookbook I ever received, The Silver Palate. The gals at The Modern Proper updated the recipe and made it even easier and more accessible.

I'll keep this post short and just get to the recipe, which I highly recommend getting to this week, maybe for Valentine's?

No we don't usually have wine or light candles every night.

We served this with a delightful blush-colored Rosé (the kids loved their Mandarin orange seltzer water) and a steamed and buttered rutabaga. (Tip for the frequently-carded at the grocery store: toss some uncommon root veggies on the conveyor belt before your alcohol and see if they still think you're part of the under 21 crowd.)

Without further ado...

Sheet Pan Chicken Marbella
from The Modern Proper

4 lbs bone-in skin-on chicken thighs

Make a paste marinade by pulsing together:

1/2 cup pitted green (or black) olives
1/3 cup pitted prunes
1/4 olive oil
4 garlic cloves
2 T capers
1 t dried oregano
2 t salt
lots of freshly ground black pepper
1/4 cup white wine (I used sake)

Cover both sides of your chicken thighs with this marinade -- you can even do this directly on your sheet pan. Or you can do this ahead of time to let it marinate for longer (e.g., in a gallon-sized ziplock bag for an easy weeknight dinner).

When you're ready to bake it, preheat your oven to 400 F. Pour the following onto the pan:

1/3 cup white wine
1 cup chicken stock
1/3 cup olives, halved
1/3 chopped prunes (I omitted this because I only had enough for the puree, but I think it would be good)
1 T capers
1-2 T brown sugar (I was worried it would make it sweet, but it's the perfect balance for the wine; think Chicken Marsala)
salt + pepper

Bake for 30 minutes. (I checked it during the baking and needed to pour more stock.) Remove chicken onto your serving dish. Transfer the pan drippings to small saucepan and reduce if needed (I didn't). Whisk in 2 T cold butter. Pour sauce over the serving platter and garnish with 2 T minced parsley. Repeat the phrase "pan sauce" to your family over and over because you are so fancy.

Finally, finish this meal with a tiny dish of ice cream.

It's October

Yikes. It's October and I've only published five posts this year. (As I typed that sentence, a gust of wind released a million scarlet leaves from our maple, swirling as though in a snow globe.)

Taking the time to write in this blog seems frivolous, like so many fallen leaves, but I feel this pull to document some things, if only for me, and also to remember that this is a safe space, my space (lol, DEB).

I have been thinking about a lot of things lately, the most prominent and comprehensive topic being the idea of seasons.

In a recent book I read, Do Less, author Kate Northup provocatively poses this question to women: what if we assessed our productivity based not on a 24-hour cycle (i.e., daily) but a 28-day cycle (i.e., monthly/lunar)? She also invites us to take into consideration the seasons, whether literal or figuratively, when taking stock of our lives and plans.

When people say, "it's just a season," it's often an attempt to comfort and console, and yet I think it incidentally gives a bad rap to whatever season that person is in. Implied, it seems, is that someone is in winter and they need only to wait for spring. Instead, I'm beginning to wonder if we can discover the gifts of winter, without expecting them to be the same as the gifts of spring, summer, and fall.

I like this idea of living with the seasons, the mindful embrace of what is, rather than what I wish were reality.

--

What does this fall have for me? What do I need to let go of?

I feel like I'm still in my summer with regards to thoughts and projects -- that many things that began to grow have not yet come to fruition. How can I trust that these things can go dormant and be picked up again in its season? And/or, which of these things can continue to grow/bloom through autumn?

--

Closing randoms / notes to myself:

- The transition to fall, and to Theo starting kindergarten and Emi starting preschool, hit me especially hard, even though I was theoretically prepared for it. I was on hiatus with my therapist since early summer (?), and have since scheduled an appointment for this Friday, but it would be good for Future Lisa to remember to preemptively schedule a follow-up at the end of whatever break I'm trying to give myself, and also to schedule appointments in advance of known transition periods.

- I don't want to forget the way Theo still jumps up and down on his tippy toes when he's super excited. Usually when he's done something nice for someone (Emi or Cori) or built something very cool.

- Self care lately looks like: brisk walks outside, serving myself beautiful food, meditation, reading for fun, painting, time with friends, saying no/delegating/not doing something just because I could. Just today: trying to do chores only when the kids are awake; catching myself (simply by noticing!) when I was self-loathing/self-sabotaging. Writing this post today really feels like self-love.

- I've read a bunch of books lately that were super fascinating. I've had to return books to the library before I got to finish them... basically, I'm having #readerproblems, and this has led me to consider creating a syllabus for myself for 2020. I think I might want to pace myself and delve more deeply into what I'm reading. Anyone have suggestions or something they want to read with me? Please comment with one book suggestion for me (either that you read and liked in 2019, or hope to read in 2020)!

- Thanks, as always, for reading! Grateful for each one of you.

Digging spring

 

I'm growing up and I'm also leveling up as a PNW-er (no pun intended).

In other words, I'm starting to garden. (Ahoy!)

Instead of just looking forward to summer, I'm reveling in spring and soaking it up.

Well before March 21, I started counting down the days until I could put some seeds into the ground.

I've tried - and failed - before at a garden, so this year, we are taking it small. We are essentializing. Whatever each of us really wants - enough to take care of - we get to plant. 

I've put in some mesclun, a few Easter egg radishes, some peas and cucumbers. We'll get four blueberry bushes - one for each kiddo. I also scattered a box of wildflower seeds I got from the Dollar Tree. We'll see what happens.

Theo picked and arranged this little bouquet.

I'm not one for instruction manuals, so I needs must accept with full responsibility what results (or doesn't) this year. 

Either way, in taking a page from Emily P. Freeman, Thursdays have become my gardening day: we get our hands in the dirt, plant another row of lettuce, weed, water, check on the yard as a whole. Basically, I channel Michelle Obama.

It doesn't mean that we can't do any gardening on the other days of the week (we do), but Thursday is intentionally set aside to make progress on it. I love seeing how much happens in just 7 days.

Tell me what you are growing this time of year! (In your literal garden, or just your life, y'know.)

Gold for us, or, Brainless Crowdpleasers

As promised, here is our family's list of BCPs. Note that it includes some take-out, eat-out, and frozen options. It's not limited to just what we can prepare from scratch; it's a list of what we can have for dinner that should mostly please everyone at the table. A lot of them are similar - permutations of each other - and that's okay. In fact, that's part of why this works.

I didn't do the exact math, but I think it's about 75% Asian, the reason for which I expounded upon in my previous post.

This is close to the order in which I originally brainstormed them, so you'll see funny associations and a lot of things grouped together because one thing made me think of another.

Nice to know I had Noona's approval on my list

It seemed weird to write all of them out, but I think that's the beauty of it. Having this list is gold for us, even if it doesn't look like much to anyone else.

1. Pork egg omelette
2. Costco rotisserie chicken and rice
3. Spring rolls (usually with rotisserie chicken)
4. Rotisserie chicken pho
5. Bún bowls w/ rotisserie chicken or steak (are you sensing a pattern here? ;P)
6. Thit kho / braised pork belly (Viet-Chinese blend)
7. Kalbi
8. Bulgogi that my MIL marinates, freezes, and brings over
9. Fried pompano from Evergreen Market
10. Cabbage Patch Soup
11. Pizza, homemade
12. Pizza, from Costco
13. Oxtail soup with noodles or rice, or turned into pho with the addition of fish sauce and rice noodles (we love any of these options with kale boiled in the broth at the last minute and removed)
14. Pho Asia take out or eat-in
15. Xuxu (chayote) soup
16. Canh with ground pork meatballs and opo squash or cabbage
17. Hamburgers
18. Homemade Hamburger Helper (I modify this with oregano instead of rosemary, and with minced garlic; also I use a lot more pasta water, and don't always use the full amount of chicken stock)
19. Pasta with bulk Italian sausage, spinach, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes
20. Sheet pan chicken
21. Fried rice
22. Green bean and egg with rice
23. Dumplings (frozen), noodles, and vegetable in chicken broth
24. Cauliflower alfredo fettucine
25. Vietnamese chicken curry
26. Golden curry with chicken thighs
27. Sunday Night Stew
28. Pot roast
29. Corned beef and cabbage
30. Chile verde for tacos or rice bowls
31. BBQ beef brisket
32. Whole chicken soup with ginger and garlic
33. Chicken or pork meatball porridge with Chinese fried donut, cilantro/ginger/green onion
34. Ginger fried rice
35. Take-out sullungtang or soondubu
36. Ground pork sauce over thin spaghetti or Shandong noodles (I posted on something similar once, and have since learned a better marinade for the meat, so I might update that)
37. Ham and green beans
38. Ginger chicken - plain or with celery, bell pepper, or whatever other vegetable needs to be used up (a cross between Viet ga kho gung and Chinese ginger chicken)
39. Steamed spare ribs in black bean sauce
40. Yakisoba or japchae
41. Israeli couscous with chicken, zucchini, and tomato (I made this once with orzo and it was a hit, although also a confusing mind trip because orzo is rice-shaped.)
42. Spaghetti with the marinara on the side
43. Beef, vegetable, macaroni soup (like minestrone)

Pork egg omelette  (#1 on this list and for good reason) is my shorthand for what some may call coin-purse egg omelettes. This post on Woks of Life has good pictures of what they look like when you make them the "real" way - they really look like coin purses of egg filled with ground pork inside, and you can make them smaller to make them kid-sized. 

My mom made them this way growing up, but I do a simplified version that works for us, and is faster. It doesn't look nearly as pretty, hence the lack of pictures here, but it tastes the same to me.

You basically marinate ground pork in what my mom would call "the standard marinade" (the ingredients of which would remain a mystery to me until I got into my 30s - maybe she was waiting for me to reach Mom Status before she revealed to me these secrets??), saute the meat, then, pour beaten eggs over it.

I use my spatula to cut the "omelette" into fourths, and then carefully flip over each quarter and let them cook until set. You can add green onions if you're feeling fancy, and then serve over rice. 

This is a basic weeknight meal that usually goes over well with kids because it's not meat that requires intensive chewing. ;)

Pork Egg Omelette

Marinate 16-20 oz ground pork in salt (~1/2 t), a couple rounds of soy sauce, a swirl of sesame oil, 1-2 t corn starch, ~1/4 cup water, and couple of good shakes of ground white pepper. I usually mix this up with a fork.

Heat up a skillet over medium high heat. Add a swirl of oil, and brown all the meat. While the meat is browning, crack 3-4 eggs into a bowl, add a splash of water and beat with a fork. (Ultimately I will do this twice, so maybe you might just want to start with 6-8? For some reason, I do each batch separately.) I bet that a dash of shiaoxing wine in the egg mixture would be awesome.

When the meat is browned, remove half of it to a plate. Spread out the other half in the pan. Pour the beaten egg mixture (or half of it, if you've beat the full amount) over the ground pork and let cook until you think it's ready to cut into four pieces and flip them over. 

Repeat the process with the other half of the meat. Serve with green onions (which could have also gone into the egg), rice, and extra soy sauce for those who wish.

Emi's drawing of multi-colored fried eggs, with crocheted "chicky" on the side

--

I'll gradually work on adding more recipes for these BCPS, but feel free to comment if you'd like me to bump up a certain recipe in the queue. 

--

Also, this list seems heavily fall/winter influenced. I wonder if I'll add/update when spring and summer come around.

...which, at this rate, doesn't seem like will ever arrive.

But until then, we'll keep enjoying Kayla's snow cream (milk, sugar, and vanilla poured over snow).

Exponentially better

I wanted to share a little bit about how our meal planning paradigm has slowly shifted. I recently took a course with the Lazy Genius called The Meal Plan. It costed actual cash dollars, and while I would have gladly paid for it even if it didn't work (because everything else I've already learned from her has been worth it), it did help me a lot and I'm really thankful.

I have complained so much about meal planning and tried many different methods. And while my currently meal planning game is far from 100% right now, it's exponentially better, and I have Kendra to thank for it.

It's awkward, because I want to share, but I don't want to give away for free what she has worked hard on and is part of her business and livelihood... does that make sense? So I emailed her to see how I might do this respectfully. She basically gave me the green light and simply asked that I include a link to the course. There's a wait list currently, but you can sign up to be notified when it opens up again. I highly recommend it.

I hope that by sharing what I've learned, it might help you, and also, I'm really interested in more conversations about food, culture, and family. Perhaps you'll read through the lines to see what I mean, and what I've been thinking and wrestling about lately.

--

One huge component of Kendra's Meal Plan is to have in your arsenal a list of Brainless Crowd Pleasers. This is a physical list of meals that please your crowd - your people, your family, you. You draw from this when you are making your meal plan.

It's so simple and obvious that I missed it. I kept thinking about what "normal" families eat (or what they "should" eat, or what kid might like to eat) instead of thinking, What does my family truly like to eat?

Thinking about this turned on its head the question I usually ask. And now, instead of trying to figure out to modify the meals I want to cook/eat into meals my family will eat, I now think about how to plan meals around the foods I know my family will eat.

I can safely say that Kathy, Theo, and Emilyn are more particular and more limited in their preferences than are David and I. Instead of seeing this change as catering to them in a "selling out" sort of way, I am now relieved that when I cook something I know Kathy likes, it usually turns out that Theo, Emilyn, David, and I all love it, too.

And these foods tend to fall in the Asian (and particularly, Southern Chinese and Vietnamese) spectrum.

(Theo doesn't care for tomato sauce, so spaghetti is off our rotation. It doesn't mean we never eat it, but I try to change my default mentality that it could be incorporated with regularity. I'll just find myself banging my head on the wall if I do so.)

Don't get me wrong, I am *happy* to eat Asian food. I just don't usually think of it first when I think of what I'm craving. Ironically, this is because it is like background noise to me, like water to a fish. When I think about what I want to eat, it's Mexican, Indian, or Mediterranean. (Or, lbh, McDonald's.)

But eating Asian? It just doesn't come to mind.

However, when I smell julienned ginger hitting a hot pan with sesame oil, I am immediately transported to my mom's kitchen, Ratatouille-style. The same goes for preparing green onions, cilantro, ginger: the Chinese Holy Trinity.

In our second- and third- generation Asian-American household, I used to think of making bao or steamed anything was a special occasion.

Now I take out the steamer on a weekly basis, and it feels surprisingly natural.

Everyone is happier food-wise, and as the kitchen's chief executive director/operator, I couldn't be more pleased.

This is the game changer.

Yes, it's fascinating to me that where we landed was: what works for us is to plan, cook, and eat more Asian food. But it's maybe even more interesting to me that choosing to "settle" for What My Family Eats (even if it's not what I always feel like cooking or eating) is ultimately way easier for me because it takes the anxiety/pressure off wondering if my family will appreciate the effort I put into meals.

--

And so begins what may become a series of posts on food and meal planning. List of our Brainless Crown Pleasers (BCPs) forthcoming.

Tell me about you! How are your food habits similar/different to when you grew up? How has your environment, geography, and intercultural/interracial connections shaped your development of food habits?

--

P.S. This article entitled "Our Idea of Healthy Eating Excludes Other Cultures, And That's A Problem"* was an interesting one sent to me by my friend Marla after we talked about intuitive eating and how that could help us better take into account cultural differences.

*Marla, I'm getting self-conscious about referencing an article in front of an English professor... it's supposed to be in quotes and not italicized, right? ;P

P.P.S. I'm happy to report that more than a year later, we are pretty much still using our days-of-the-week mnemonic for our breakfast routine. The slight modification is that Tuesdays may have more tater tots than tacos, and that Friday's Fried Eggs sometimes come in the form of French Toast.