Exponentially better

I wanted to share a little bit about how our meal planning paradigm has slowly shifted. I recently took a course with the Lazy Genius called The Meal Plan. It costed actual cash dollars, and while I would have gladly paid for it even if it didn't work (because everything else I've already learned from her has been worth it), it did help me a lot and I'm really thankful.

I have complained so much about meal planning and tried many different methods. And while my currently meal planning game is far from 100% right now, it's exponentially better, and I have Kendra to thank for it.

It's awkward, because I want to share, but I don't want to give away for free what she has worked hard on and is part of her business and livelihood... does that make sense? So I emailed her to see how I might do this respectfully. She basically gave me the green light and simply asked that I include a link to the course. There's a wait list currently, but you can sign up to be notified when it opens up again. I highly recommend it.

I hope that by sharing what I've learned, it might help you, and also, I'm really interested in more conversations about food, culture, and family. Perhaps you'll read through the lines to see what I mean, and what I've been thinking and wrestling about lately.

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One huge component of Kendra's Meal Plan is to have in your arsenal a list of Brainless Crowd Pleasers. This is a physical list of meals that please your crowd - your people, your family, you. You draw from this when you are making your meal plan.

It's so simple and obvious that I missed it. I kept thinking about what "normal" families eat (or what they "should" eat, or what kid might like to eat) instead of thinking, What does my family truly like to eat?

Thinking about this turned on its head the question I usually ask. And now, instead of trying to figure out to modify the meals I want to cook/eat into meals my family will eat, I now think about how to plan meals around the foods I know my family will eat.

I can safely say that Kathy, Theo, and Emilyn are more particular and more limited in their preferences than are David and I. Instead of seeing this change as catering to them in a "selling out" sort of way, I am now relieved that when I cook something I know Kathy likes, it usually turns out that Theo, Emilyn, David, and I all love it, too.

And these foods tend to fall in the Asian (and particularly, Southern Chinese and Vietnamese) spectrum.

(Theo doesn't care for tomato sauce, so spaghetti is off our rotation. It doesn't mean we never eat it, but I try to change my default mentality that it could be incorporated with regularity. I'll just find myself banging my head on the wall if I do so.)

Don't get me wrong, I am *happy* to eat Asian food. I just don't usually think of it first when I think of what I'm craving. Ironically, this is because it is like background noise to me, like water to a fish. When I think about what I want to eat, it's Mexican, Indian, or Mediterranean. (Or, lbh, McDonald's.)

But eating Asian? It just doesn't come to mind.

However, when I smell julienned ginger hitting a hot pan with sesame oil, I am immediately transported to my mom's kitchen, Ratatouille-style. The same goes for preparing green onions, cilantro, ginger: the Chinese Holy Trinity.

In our second- and third- generation Asian-American household, I used to think of making bao or steamed anything was a special occasion.

Now I take out the steamer on a weekly basis, and it feels surprisingly natural.

Everyone is happier food-wise, and as the kitchen's chief executive director/operator, I couldn't be more pleased.

This is the game changer.

Yes, it's fascinating to me that where we landed was: what works for us is to plan, cook, and eat more Asian food. But it's maybe even more interesting to me that choosing to "settle" for What My Family Eats (even if it's not what I always feel like cooking or eating) is ultimately way easier for me because it takes the anxiety/pressure off wondering if my family will appreciate the effort I put into meals.

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And so begins what may become a series of posts on food and meal planning. List of our Brainless Crown Pleasers (BCPs) forthcoming.

Tell me about you! How are your food habits similar/different to when you grew up? How has your environment, geography, and intercultural/interracial connections shaped your development of food habits?

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P.S. This article entitled "Our Idea of Healthy Eating Excludes Other Cultures, And That's A Problem"* was an interesting one sent to me by my friend Marla after we talked about intuitive eating and how that could help us better take into account cultural differences.

*Marla, I'm getting self-conscious about referencing an article in front of an English professor... it's supposed to be in quotes and not italicized, right? ;P

P.P.S. I'm happy to report that more than a year later, we are pretty much still using our days-of-the-week mnemonic for our breakfast routine. The slight modification is that Tuesdays may have more tater tots than tacos, and that Friday's Fried Eggs sometimes come in the form of French Toast.

A few randoms, IV

#shelfie

1. Theo and Emi have been obsessed with chickens and eggs lately. (We also got three new Barred Rock chicks last Friday!) A couple weeks ago, Theo created an imaginary friend/chickie that he has named Eggy, and it's made of one of my knit hats stuffed with socks wrapped inside a towel. The two have since gathered more knit hats and made more "chickies" with these. Last night Emi asked me to crochet her a tiny hat for one. It's about the size of a cotton ball and perfect for her newest chickie. They love making nests and coops for their chickies.

2. Mari Andrew was on Forever35 talking about how even in her dream job (of being artist, I assume she means), she realizes how important it is to start the day with gratitude as a self-care practice. I enjoyed listening to this segment beginning around 41 minutes (Episode 38).

3. My friends Kayla and Marla and I have been talking and thinking about the concept of intuitive eating as brought up in The Lazy Genius and Healthy Eating episode which was very intriguing and provocative. If you give it a listen, let me know what you think!

4. If you need some laughs, check out this funny list of mom memes that my brother, of all people, sent me.

5. I have been desperately wanting more houseplants and found some new fun ones I'm super excited about. I even made a simple macrame plant hanger for one of them (not shown, because lighting is bad in basement, which is precisely why plants are needed to cheer up the space).

5b. Speaking of the basement, we've recently shifted the indoor trampoline that was in the basement out to the carport (which wasn't being well utilized) so that the basement could be more of a playroom/office/studio. Changes! Good changes, for once. ;p Transforming the carport into a covered, outdoor play space has been awesome for winter. I self-five myself for my great ideas.

6. This isn't anything that new to our life/routine but I want to capture it here on my blog because I'm sure I'll forget in the years to come. A lot of our evenings these days look like me and David alternating nights going gai gai (outing in Cantonese) with Kathy, while the littles sleep. TJMaxx, Target, Michaels, and Winco are some of regular destinations.

7. My meal planning game has really been upped since I took a course with The Lazy Genius. I plan on sharing more about that in this space soon. Stay tuned!

8. Another thing I am likely to forget about in the future is how long this current phase with Cori has felt. She's a little over four months now and up until this last week has not fallen asleep for bed before 10 or 11pm. For many weeks it was midnight or 1am. David and I got used to staying up late doing things but it was exhausting (probably especially for David who usually gets up at 5am). Now she's finally creeping up on an earlier bedtime and it's wonderful. Also, her naps are so irregular compared to T + E (although as my friend Kelli pointed out, Theo and Emilyn were probably both "my worst sleeper" when they were in that stage, too, lol). I've tried so many different waketime lengths and frequently end up with 45 minute naps. So these last couple of days I'm also keeping her up longer (much longer than I did with T + E) and seeing some moderate success. But we shall see.

It's rilly hard to be mad at this face, tho.

We are obsessed with her dough-soft cheeks. Kathy came up with the nickname Cori bao (or cork-u-bao, a blend of porcupine and cha siew bao). We also call her Corky.

9. I'm crocheting another blanket and am excited for how it will turn out. It's nice to have a project where I can see progress and growth!

10. Theo and Emilyn are saying the funniest things and I need to do a round-up of all those quotes here soon. For now, here's something that just happened yesterday:
Theo (eating gyoza): Mama, what are these dumplings called? (Because we usually eat boiled dumplings and not pan-fried.)
Me: Well, you could call them gyoza or potstickers.
Theo: Oh, okay. I really like these potstickers!

11. I started my own One Line A Day journal using a beautiful Moleskine journal my friend Kayla had gotten me years ago that was too pretty to write in. The mint green is just so on point. We will see how long this lasts. So far I have written a sentence for Jan 8-15 :D

Butter Chicken, or A Good Way to Start the New Year

We got an Instant Pot around Cyber Monday and have been loving it. 

(It helps to go in with super low expectations, like it's just* an electric pressure cooker. It will not make dinner for you or, sadly, wash the dishes afterwards.)

(*Alex: "It's just chicken and rice.")

David christened our IP with this Butter Chicken recipe. Then, for Friendsgivingmas, I tweaked the recipe and made it vegetarian. It was a huge hit and a couple of friends have since asked for the recipe so I'm posting it here with all my modifications. 

Instant Pot Butter Chicken (or Butter Vegetables)
adapted from Jo Cooks

6 tbsp butter
12-16 cloves garlic minced (1 to 1.5 heads) (see Note below)
5 T ginger minced (again, see Note)

4 tbsp tomato paste

1 28-oz can whole tomatoes, blended (yes, in your blender #sorrynotsorry) with liquid

2 t salt

2 T garam masala
2 T ground coriander 

2 T paprika, smoked if you have it.

2 t ground cumin 

2 t turmeric
3 lbs boneless and skinless chicken thighs, cut into 1.5 inch pieces OR equivalent amount vegetables (my favorite is a head of cauliflower, ~3 yukon gold potatoes, and a 10-oz package of frozen peas and carrots)
2 cups heavy cream (oh yeah, baby)
1 bunch cilantro, roughly minced

Note: Because of the large amount of garlic and ginger, I recommend using a food processor to grind together the ginger and garlic. First, peel the ginger and chop into smaller pieces, then add to processor. Slightly smash garlic cloves to remove peels, then add cloves to food processor. Process until you have a paste, scraping down the sides as necessary.

Turn on Instant Pot to saute setting. Add butter to pot. When melted, add ginger-garlic puree and saute for a few minutes until fragrant. 

Add tomato paste and saute together with ginger-garlic to impart a deeper flavor into the sauce. Then add blended tomatoes, salt, and spices. 

At this point, if you are making the chicken version, add chicken pieces, close and seal the pot and cook for 5 minutes on Poultry seasoning. Do 10 minutes of natural release, and then complete with a Quick Release. Stir in heavy cream and use the Saute mode to keep the sauce simmering. Stir in chopped cilantro before serving.

If you are making the vegetarian version, add cubed potatoes (large-ish chunks?) and cook on a pressure setting (like Meat/Stew? I'm still learning the IP, but I believe all the auto settings besides rice use the same high pressure setting) for 5 minutes. Do 10 minutes of natural release, then complete with a Quick Release. Switch to saute mode and add cauliflower cut into florets, and bag of frozen peas and carrots. Cook until tender. Then stir in heavy cream and chopped cilantro.

Serve over rice and/or naan. 

P.S. Don't forget my friend Kayla's tip to save leftover tomato paste. Scoop it into tablespoons onto a small sheet of parchment paper and freeze. When it's frozen (or at least par-frozen), add them to a little baggie and throw it in your freezer. Label the bag - you think you will remember what it was but you won't. The dollops come in so handy when you just need a tablespoon or two. 

Theo(logic)

We have been busy trying to soak up what I experienced as a short-lived summer.

(Yes, Kayla and Linnea, I suppose that exposes my non-nativeness to feel this way about the summer we had!)

At least, that is my excuse for why I haven't blogged in a while about anything, and it's certainly been ages since I've shared what Theo and Emilyn are saying lately.

As usual, I've tried to jot down things in my Notes app, so here is a collection since the last time I wrote about him in February. It's in chronological order so you can keep in mind the context of growing from 3yr1mo to 3yr9mo and through the seasons of winter, spring, summer and now fall. He started preschool last week!

Lol, I suppose I could have cropped this, and then captioned, "Is Theo wearing pants?"

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After I muttered to myself, "When will it stop raining?" Theo said, "It will stop raining when you go to your nap, in your dreams."

To David, regarding some privilege: "Will you talk it over with Umma?"

"Don't cry Emi, we're almost home."

"Don't laugh; it's not a laughing game."

"Breathe in and out" to himself.

Earlier this year, he asked if he could use sidewalk chalk. Since it was raining a lot, I said, "when it's Spring, we can bring out the sidewalk chalk." One day probably in March, he noticed the pink camilias blooming on the side of the house, and so he said to me, "The camilias are blooming; can we have sidewalk chalk?"

To me, "You don't need shoes on; just your feet." He knows I'm a Berkeley girl.

"I took a picture with my eyes."

When he wasn't ready for me to kiss him goodnight, he told me "Go control your computer" because he knows I usual check my email between putting Emilyn to bed and then saying goodnight to him.

"Nuna is quite the baker."

One day when David was mowing the lawn, David asked him what he wanted to do, since he dislikes the loud noise of the mower. Theo asked, "Can I stay inside and dance?" Kathy, Emilyn, and I were out at that time, so when we came home, we just saw Theo dancing by himself in the living room, and we found out the rest of the story from David.

"Can I come to your house?" He started saying this a couple of months ago, to grandparents whenever we FaceTimed them. Of course they loved this.

Back in April when it was David's birthday, I asked Theo what we should get for his birthday. Without any hesitance, he offered, "Moss killer."

And first thing in the morning on that birthday, he said, "Can we have cake today because it's your birthday?"

Again, earlier in the summer, to one of my friends: "I'm ready for preschool. I go to preschool three times a week for an hour. I start in the fall." (Actually he goes twice a week for two hours.)

Referring to packaged seaweed, "No, don't throw away the silica gel, or else it won't be crispy!"

He started buckling himself into the carseat in April, at 3 years and 3 months. So nice that he can climb in and get buckled himself.

Sometimes before bed, David has all of Theo's monkeys warm up their singing voices for bedtime songs. When they say "mi mi mi mi mi", Theo sometimes says "me me me me mini mini me."

I love watching Emilyn copy Theo's dance moves.

Because Kathy calls Theo her "Chicken Heart" or "Chicken Thigh" etc., Theo started saying "chop chop chop" while he pretends to chop his arm into bite-sized pieces for her to eat.

"Appa, statch me." By which he meant, can you pray that prayer where you ask God to let me grow in wisdom and stature, in favor with God and man?

"I'm going to preach school."

Without prompting, he began a letter to Emilyn, which read, "I love you, I like to climb, I love playing with you."

There's a Vietnamese sticky rice coconut dessert which Theo calls squishy dessert, but the way he says it, it sounds like "kwishy dirt."

"I'm not a baby, I'm a Theo. Don't talk about babies; let's talk about big boys."

One day, I said, "I'm looking for the one who loves Jack Jack (Emilyn)" when I was trying to get Kathy's attention. Theo intervened saying "I love Jack Jack!"

One day he said "The storms of Jesus Christ" maybe because we told him that God controls nature?

"Don't cry Emilyn, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"I want to trick Umma."

"Wake up so I can bother you!"

On a drive, "If I see a tractor, I will tell you."

"We can go on a date? What the??? Tractor??!!"

When I mentioned I needed to go to the pharmacy, he asked if there would be any tractors. At the Farm-acy, duh.

"I don't want cat cookies, there's sugar bugs."

"I'm organizing over there." He has started to "organize" things. Am I really happy about this? YAS.

"I'm sitting on this rice sock so that I don't cough or bless you."

"We have an appleseed tree and two maple trees."

He often mashes together two thoughts into one sentence: "I don't know how to do this?"

"I'm thirsty for salt. Savory."

When I started loosely and slowly weaning Emilyn I had to tell her once, "I'm not going to nurse you right now." Theo overheard and he asked, "Is it because you're growing, and you're a big umma?"

Theo wanted more Milo (an Asian chocolate malted drink), so I told him I would pick up more of it when I went to Evergreen. A week after I had told him that, I mentioned to David that I needed to go to Evergreen. Immediately, Theo said in a robotic voice, "Can-you-pick-up-my-Milo."

One time when David was merging on to the freeway and a car sped up at the last minute to overtake him, Theo yelled out, "Share the road!" (We honestly have never said that out loud so it was really funny.)

David likes to use the speaker/amplifier in the mini-van to imitate airplane pilot monologues (e.g., ":::ssssshhhhhhhhhh::: This is your captain speaking...") so Theo has started doing it as well, only he says, "This is your speaking captain..."

"If I can watch a show with front loaders and a backhoe, then I'll get my hair cut!" Talk about sentence construction.

"Mama, did you make grits for me? I'm hungry for grits."

"My tummy loves warm."

"Look at what happened to my waffle." (It's gone.)

One day when Emilyn was crying in the back of the van, Theo told me, "She wants everything. She wants a nap, she wants to go to the park, she wants her friends." I love how he asked himself a question in his head and then answered it for all of us.

"I know her full name. Ro Ro Ro Ro Emilyn Ro."

He took care of Emilyn's stuffed bunny and treated it like a baby.

When we got in the car one day, he asked for the "joy joy podcast", by which he meant the song "Down In My Heart."

In the middle of summer, "Don't wake me up to preschool!"

When I mentioned that I might pull him out of school to go to Richmond for a few weeks in late winter, he said, "I need my daddy and my nunu. That will be too much. Or I will go with just Emilyn." When I asked, "Then what will Mama do?", he said, "Mama will get a date."

One day Theo was arranging logs on the deck and he called it Silver Lake. I did not comprehend what he was saying until later that week we went to Silver Lake and the parking lake had logs arranged to mark off the parking spaces.

He uses the word "cantilever" and pronounces it "cant-a-leave-er." It's too much.

One morning when David was home during breakfast (it means either the weekend or a weekday he's working late), Theo could tell Emilyn was starting to feel anxious that I'd be leaving to take a walk. All of this was unspoken, until Theo asked me, "You can just walk laps around the kitchen, right?" He knew that she didn't want me to leave.

As soon as Theo gets home from school, he pulls his pants off and yells, "Free!"

And then just yesterday, when I pulled out grapes for dessert during dinner, he said "I want g-r-..." and proceeded to spell a couple of other (wrong) letters. "I want icecream for dessert. G-r-..." because we always spell out the good things.

We met one of Kathy's new floormates this year and her name is Erica. Theo later commented that her name is like "the America flag." Indeed, "Erica" is in America.

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Alright, now I'm up to speed with Theo. Up next, Emilyn!

P.S. For my own record (since I'm no longer logging everything obsessively in an Excel file, ha! Although, Elizabeth, aren't you glad that I had? ;p), it appears that Theo is dropping his nap. I can't be totally sure, and I think he may still need it on school days, but I'm 90% sure this is happening right now. :'(

P.P.S. Marla, I am totally channeling the "and because it's due, this is what I will write."

Thin slices of joy

If you may recall from my can-it-just-be-spring-already? goals list, one of the things I committed to do was to keep track of moments of joy in every day. My friend Stephanie commented on that post and left a link to an article about a Google engineer who has taught people to use the tools of mindfulness to find "thin slices of joy" in their days. I thought that was helpful language, and even the image of that (i.e., those "thin slices") gives me joy.

After publishing that post, I had the idea to use the monthly view on my (paper) calendar to keep track of the moment (or moments) of joy in each square. There was something satisfying about using a calendar as a to-done list more than a to-do, and incidentally it makes it easy to report here on my blog what my thin slices of joy were for the remainder of April since writing that post.

19 | the sweetest puppies ever befriended me, Theo, and Emilyn at the park
20 | good and open conversation; going antiquing downtown (we had randomly decided to go that day, and discovered when we got there that they were suppose to close by the time we arrived, but there happened to be a special event that day that meant they were open later than usual!)

The universe sent me a message at the antique store.

21 | a crazy sunny day which led to a picnic and basketball game with extended family
22 | a neighbor walking across the street to introduce herself when I was out on a walk because she's seen me walking for years

Also from April 22: the color of Thai banana contrasted against chia seed pudding. (Should I just title this post thin slices of yellow/sunshine/happiness?)

23 | working on a blog post that made me excited; cooking ginger chicken and a new Viet soup that I knew Kathy would really enjoy
24 | sunshine (again!); getting to bring dinner over to a neighbor's and eat together
25 | the coconut popsicles from my postscript were really delicious
26 | thrifting and finding awesome books I actually wanted; great dinner/conversation with a friend; listening to a very good podcast
27 | sunshine (yet again!)
28 | playing outside with the kids with my new Bluetooth speakers (why didn't I get these earlier?!) projecting Renee & Jeremy (but alas, also the day I felt dumb trying to figure out Stories on Instagram, thank you slai for trying to make me feel better); providing a recipe and all the ingredients for my sis-in-law to make dinner at her home, which her family ended up loving*

(*If you haven't made sheet pan chicken yet, you are really missing out. Seriously, unless you're a vegetarian or you're allergic to delicious food, you should not be living one more day without this in your life. Sorry to be so bossy. I really need to stop over-selling it and risk you being disappointed. Like, maybe I should change the title of the post to "It's just rice and chicken, nbd.")

29 | conversation with a friend
30 | surprising a friend with a chai at church without even knowing she had forgotten to make her tea that morning (!); going to the Indian buffet by myself (Butter Chicken for President!)

The weird (but perhaps not really that weird) thing is that after I decided to do this whole thin slices of joy thing, my days actually did get better. Even the weather got (incrementally) better. Yes, three sunny days out of 12 is not that great, but I noticed - and savored - those brighter days.

The real trick will be whether this will work in the dead of winter... so friends, if I feel crummy in the winter of 2017/2018, please ask me if I'm doing this still, and remind me to go visit my in-laws to get a break. (I can just go back to the mountain top, right, Marla?)

Anyway, I'm definitely keeping up in May and I invite you to join along!

And now here's this week's menu:

Chicken curry. Do it. 

YOU GUYS. Posting this menu was my TENTH TIME doing a weekly menu plan and sharing it. Can I just pat myself on the back here? I am so darn proud of myself.

P.S. Let it be known that when I left my computer and came back, David had changed my notes to: thin slices of joy pork belly

P.P.S. My friend Kayla texted me this article about self-care vs. "resourcing" and of course I loved it because the author talks about the function and efficacy of word choice, and while neither Kayla nor I personally resonated with her specific choice of "resourcing," I did enjoy the resourcefulness of her choosing a word that helped her focus on self-care more easily. (This is all in reference to my preferring to think about what I'm "thankful" for vs. what I'm "grateful" for.)

In a pickle

Help! I'm in a writing rut and a cooking rut.

Please let me know what you're cooking and eating these days or if you have any tips on menu planning. I've talked about this before (twice!), but nothing seems to be sticking. Like I said before, I like routine, until I get bored.

I do think we are going to get on a little pickle train though. We'd been getting lots of peppers from the CSA and when I know I can't use them fast enough I just slice them and throw them in a jar and pour cold vinegar over them. Done and done. Here are some watermelon radish, ready for a sandwich (e.g., banh mi) or right out of the jar.

Next up, picked red onions.

Other randoms:

• The Liturgists podcast. "We create art and experiences for the spiritually homeless and frustrated." Yes, please! (HT: Marla)
• Today I was listening to Ep 3 on The Bible and the guest speaker was talking about how Jews look at the Bible as a mystery or problem to be solved whereas Christians see it as a message to proclaim, hence the intolerance for theological ambiguity or tension. THIS EXPLAINED MY LIFE. (Another connection to Heisenberg, if you try to get too precise you lose the accuracy.)
• Trying to get back into routines, ala FlyLady. I'm trying out the shoes thing even though it goes against everything in me as an Asian American.
• Really enjoyed another book about the process of writing, Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg. "The life of an artist isn't easy. You're never free unless you're doing art."
• The idea of being "all kite and no string." I think all my life I have been "all string and no kite."
• I found this assertion interesting: that it's easier to be demanding/critical than to be satisfied, and thus that enthusiasm is a form of social courage.
• Been loving the awkwardness that is Doc Martin.
• I keep hearing about how This is Us is filling the Parenthood-shaped hole in people's hearts. Any tips on the best way to watch it? (HT: Eunice, who told me about this way before now.)
• Made my first batch of harissa this week. It needed to be more garlicky but other than that I loved it!