The books I read in 2020

I've been in a bit of a reading rut and have been asking friends to help me get unstuck. Christine responded by asking me what has worked for me lately to give her a launching point for her suggestions, so I plan on enumerating that below in this post.

(PSA: If you don't want to fall into a reading rut, do not read Cara Wall's The Dearly Beloved. I repeat, do not read this beautiful book by Cara Wall. Everything you read after will just not live up to the beautiful prose and striking descriptions of humans in relationship to others and their faiths. If, after this warning, you choose not to heed my advice, then maybe just follow it up with Vanishing Half, if you haven't read it already, but I'm sure you have, and so I'm sorry.)

(Thankfully, my friend Sharon is here to save us all from book rut despair. When I asked my personal Modern Mrs. Darcy what to call the genre I cannot get enough of, this is what she had to say: "I've been trying to figure this out for myself, and my working category is quiet literary fiction/character studies and family sagas (though there are some family sagas I dislike, like the super dysfunctional ones of which I have read far too many). By quiet I mean that there's very little action that happens, haha, and when I describe it to someone else I feel like a crazy person because there's so little plot progress." YES, YES EXACTLY! She then pointed me to Anne Bogel's recent post for more great books to enjoy. You're welcome.)

Okay, returning back from parathetical land.

Paradoxically, in the midst of this book desert I've been drowning in (sorry for the morbid mixed metaphor), Julia Cameron (of morning pages fame), whose course The Artist's Way I've started working through, instructs in the chapter I'm currently on to take a week of reading deprivation. (Yes, you read that right. No reading anything for a week. I think it's supposed to propel you to create your own work instead of consuming other people's work.) 

I'm not sure I can stand to not read for a whole week, but I have not read for the past 8 hours (big whoop, I know) since I read that assignment. The self-imposed inability to not turn to a book to pass time has already created a vacuum for other stuff, such as facing this blog. 

Today I will use my extra time to tell you about what I read in 2020. 

I've been tracking my reading for two years now. I made a fun bullet journal spread in 2019 and then used Goodreads more in 2020. (Goodreads = great tool, but geez they did not need to be so rude about me not meeting my reading goal last year. "Better luck in 2021" -- really?!)

Here's a pictograph (?) of my 2019 reading:

One thing I'm really proud of is reading more fiction in 2020, increasing my measly 6 in 2019 to 24 in 2020. 

Before I get to my a complete list of my 2020 reads at the end of the post, here are a few highlights.

Favorite fiction:

- The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

- Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

- Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy (Imma blame Tolstoy for me not meeting my Goodreads goal)

- The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman

- Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

Favorite narrative non-fiction:

- Educated by Tara Westover

Favorite non-fiction:

- Burnout by Amelia Nagoski and Emily Nagoski

- Untamed by Glennon Doyle

- The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary (helpful and challenging enough to me that I'm re-reading this again this year)

Favorite (albeit only) Illustrated Memoir

- The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui

I actually listened to an audiobook and enjoyed it:

- Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

And here's the list in its entirety, in roughly chronological order as I read throughout the year:

Still Life by Louise Penny
Atomic Habits by James Clear

Educated by Tara Westover

An American Marriage by Tayari Jones

Shrill by Lindy West

A River of Stars by Vanessa Hua

Dear Girls by Ali Wong

Slammed by Colleen Hoover

Pride by Ibi Zoboi

The Dutch House by Ann Patchett

All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung

The Bookish Life of Nina Hill by Abbi Waxman

The Flat Share by Beth O'Leary

The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen

A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza

Small Fry by Lisa Brennan Jobs

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

Cozy: The Art of Arranging Yourself in the World by Isabel Gillies

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

Cider House Rules by John Irving

Little Gods by Meng Jin

Burnout by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski

Re Jane by Patricia Park

Minor Feelings by Cathy Park Hong

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

Such a Fun Age by Kiley Reid

Anna K by Jenny Lee

There, There by Tommy Orange

How to Do Nothing by Jenny Odell

Loveboat, Taipei by Abigail Hing Wen

Meet the Frugalwoods by Elizabeth Willard Thames

The Fixed Stars by Molly Wizenberg

The Lazy Genius Way by Kendra Adachi

The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker

Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary

The Best We Could Do by Thi Bui

Untamed by Glennon Doyle

The Dearly Beloved by Cara Wall

The Rule of One by Ashley Saunders and Leslie Saunders

Please feel free to send me recommendations for my next read and/or wish me "better luck in 2021"!

Also, raise your hand if you, like me (and Stephie and Chris*), slow down when a book is so good, because you don't want it to end, ya weirdo.

_______________

*Maria, feel free to let Chris know his first blog shout-out happened today, although I suppose he doesn't really need to read the post since he already uses your Goodreads account to stalk your friends for book recs.

THANKSGIVING 2018

(Christine, this is silly but I am channeling you in my post title ;p)

I was so happy with my Thanksgiving tablescape this year that I had to post pictures.

I saw this a year or two ago and haven't been able to get it out of my mind. Since I recently learned some brush lettering (thank you Kathy!), I decided to attempt my own version of it this year.

I wasn't quite sure when/how I was going to get this all done, but in the back of my mind, decorating the table was my "fun extra" that wasn't critical to the day/meal, but that would be the one thing I really wanted to do for myself. (See Note To Self #6.) It was quite a tension for me to hold during the day: that I really, really wanted to do something I may not end up getting to do.

With little kids around, I couldn't set the table before lunch. And while Cori's naps aren't coordinated yet with Emi's, I still managed to get the decorating done in the afternoon, before dinner.

I started with laying out the paper (from a kid's roll of easel paper). I couldn't find my burlap fabric that I sometimes use as a runner, so I folded up a coffee bag in half lengthwise.



There isn't much non-evergreen greenery outside anymore, so I took a philodendron from the mantel and spread out the vines (?). I added candles and various pumpkins we had accumulated this fall.

I traced dinner plates with my Tombow brush pens and then brush lettered the names. Instead of drawing the utensils (which was super cute in my inspo pic), I simply set the table with utensils and napkins. For dinner service, we set the plates at the buffet.

I didn't have enough time to decorate the buffet as well as I would have liked to - the 6-foot folding table we used for it had become the temporary dining table (where the kiddos usually craft and play all day) so I couldn't claim that early enough. I prioritized the dinner table and chose to be satisfied with that. Later I realized I had a lot more pumpkins around (especially on the front porch), which I could have grabbed to make a display with greater impact.

It was fun to have a paper table cloth and perhaps it was the inspiration for others to do art after dinner.

In terms of the food, some highlights this year were that David smoked the turkey, and made a sweet potato pie with ginger. Other than that, my mom and I prepped our classic family dishes.

Past Thanksgivings:
Thanksgiving 2014 | Friendsgiving 2016

Yes week

My journey of coming into my own as a parent in the Northwest has felt not unlike what I imagine it would be like to train for a marathon in higher altitudes. There are so many days when I think, it'd be so much easier for me to do this in the Bay Area - easier weather on me and the kids, and the support of family.

But then there are days I look up (or maybe slow down) and realize that all my effort and striving is actually providing sweeter fruit. And I am stronger for having worked harder at this thing called life.

I so resonated with my friend Christine's recent post, where she talked about slowing down being the perfect (if not unexpected) antidote to the stress of busyness.

Parenting a two- and four-year old feels relentless most days (especially when observed from the span of a week, or a month, or a year), so when I find those moments when I manage to sink deeper into the mess of whatever is that moment, or better yet, when I can contribute to that mess in my own way, I actually find that the time passes more quickly. Or is it rather that the passage of time ceases to matter so much? We're just here, fully in this moment.

We fell/flowed into a pretty creative groove this week. It may have started when my friend Kayla texted me this how-to draw your own mandala blog post.

When the kids were out with David on a quick errand, I brewed myself a cup of ginger turmeric tea, borrowed a compass from Kathy, and got started on the template.

Half an hour into it, the kids ran in and wanted to join me. We keep art supplies somewhat reachable for them whenever they want, so they both climbed up and started their own projects. I didn't say anything about what I was doing, so it was fascinating to see Emilyn draw her circles. Theo noticed the compass and wanted me to show him how to use it. His first drawing here is within those penciled circles, and his next one is completely his own creation.

Another day I had had some weird time block to fill, so I cut up a cereal box into a puzzle - the front panel into 12 pieces for Theo, and the back into 6 pieces for Emilyn. They were occupied for a solid 25 minutes.

And then just today I made some playdough. They have been loving it at other people's houses (you know, where the nice moms live). I'm not a huge fan (who is?) but today I felt like making it. I had some old whole wheat flour that was going a little stale (lol) so I guess I made hippie playdough.

It made me happy dance inside to see Theo with it. First of all, he helped me with mixing and kneading it, and then when I came back upstairs from waking Emilyn up, I saw that he had split the dough into two piles, placing one of them in front of a chair for his sister.

First, Theo made a snowman. (If you look closely above, you can see a snowman with a tiny head and no midsection.)

Next, he opened up a soup/noodles/dumpling shop and asked me what I wanted from the "calendar" (menu). He then asked if I wanted it "hand shaved" (as opposed to hand cut, the other option available at King Noodle).

Finally, he started rolling balls of cookie dough, so that his customers could "enjoy it." I was most impressed by the uniformity of his balls. I think he's learned from watching Kathy bake.

***

When I talked to my counselor today I was trying to figure out why exactly this spontaneous week of creativity was so life-giving for me as their mom. I figured out that it's because I got to create as well, not just set them up for creating. I got to draw, and so I cared less about what they did (and yet they blew me out of the water with their drawings). I got to make playdough and so it didn't matter how much they enjoyed the playdough. I cut up the puzzle using stuff we already had and which was going to the recycling bin anyway.

It's a little like what Dave Ramsey refers to as happy-happy situations - happy if it works out and happy if it doesn't. I didn't spend a million dollars or buy products with tons of packaging.

I recently listened to a podcast where they talked about a "yes hour" - when you actually say yes to your kids instead of the usual no along with the litany of excuses why not. It can be such a good reset. And while I did not tell any people under the age of 5 that we are having a "yes week" I think I have succeeded in shaking things up.

***

Closing randoms:

Kendra of The Lazy Genius has been killing it lately with her podcasts. Her recent two series on routine and summer have inspired and guided me.

Also really blessed by Emily P. Freeman's podcast The Next Right Thing. (Maybe listen from the beginning?? Recent memorable episodes are number 25 and 34.)

Made these raspberry yogurt popsicles last week. It's the second time I've made them and I was still weirded out by the Pepto-Bismol look of them when you're blending it up. But it freezes beautifully. If you have a Vitamix I recommend not trying to blitz the seeds to pieces or else they won't go through the strainer as well and you'll end up with even more seediness. Third time's the charm, I guess. (Also, Molly says she reduces the sugar from 3/4 cup down to 1/2 cup now. Go with your gut, I've done both.)

(Last year's post on popsicles. And have I not yet posted about golden milk popsicles??)

Mango sticky rice is always a good idea.

The life raft I've needed

Somewhat abashedly, I bring you this post that has been sitting in my drafts for a couple months now: The Three Most Influential Books I Read in 2016. 2016 was a big year for me, and the biggest gift - besides the birth of my daughter, obvs - was learning about Overdrive and getting access to a library (#literally) of books at my fingertips. 

I'm thankful for all the discoveries I made through falling in love with reading again this last year; there was so much magic in it (#literallyagain), and I look forward to reading and sharing more in 2017!

1. The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

I keep thinking I need to write a separate post about this because it is changing my life, as well as still kicking my butt because I am not done with it (i.e., the tidying, not the book).

I'm sure you have heard enough about Kondo's concepts from everyone else on the internet already, but it has been the one method that has really worked for getting me to confront the underlying reasons of why I can't always do the things I need to do to get to the place I want to be.

A few of you texted me after I wrote The Secret Sauce. I still really struggle with scarcity mentality, and I've been thinking a lot about how if I let go of fear, what will be left?

2. Essentialism by Greg McKeown

Oddly, I can't remember exactly why I loved this book so much (other than having it read to me by the author; I've since changed Siri to a UK man voice so I can pretend that Greg McKeown is with me always).

The most convicting point was when he challenged his readers with the question (paraphrased): are you going to look back on your life and regret not doing the one thing you were made to do, because you were so busy chasing the meaningless other things you thought you needed to do (or that you thought other people expected you to do)?

3. Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert

This was another good one to have read aloud (Christine rightly recommended the audio version, and I am SO not an audiobook person), because it's also read by the author, and Liz Gilbert has thee most soothing and encouraging voice ever.

I loved everything Gilbert had to say, but the most important takeaway for me was: don't take yourself so seriously / don't be a tormented artist / follow inspiration and curiosity / don't worry so much about the outcome / enjoy the process / have fun with your art.

This is the message that I've been carrying into my life for the past half-year now, and am incorporating here by showing up on my blog, starting to Instagram more, doing random art projects, and working on some diy projects around the house.

I think she really gets it right when she talks about how inspiration is from the Divine, and that if we want more opportunities for it, we have to take action on the ones we are given.

This seems like a bold statement to make, but I feel like Big Magic has been the life raft I've needed ever since graduating from college.

Please let me know what you've been reading and loving!

--

And this week's menu!

Miso mapo tofu is my own creation to make mapo tofu without gluten (so many black bean sauces have wheat in them, didn't know that before!). Miso works really well (not soy free, however) and makes a flavorful dish that incidentally serves as a non-spicy version great for kids! Another standby is to have rotisserie chicken from the grocery store on one night and make broth with the carcass the following day for pho (just add fish sauce!). For bún (i.e., Viet noodle bowls), we work off of Molly's recipe from Delancey.

P.S. I am so giddy because apparently on February 23 I got my first two Amazon Affiliate purchases from this blog. Besides feeling giddy, I am so curious who that was, so if that was you and this wouldn't embarrass you, would you please let me know either by comment or email what you got?? Thanks, on all counts!

P.P.S. Shout-out to Christine, whose What I'm Reading series inspired this post, and which will inspire you as well.

Without overthinking

Well, after simply identifying the problem last week, I was able to bite the bullet and meal plan without overthinking. It was really nice to have a fridge full of stuff to cook, and it was super therapeutic - as it almost always is - to actually do the cooking, once I had decided what to make and had the ingredients to do so.

Roasting a pan of vegetables is always a good idea, especially when you have kabocha from your CSA.

A bag of dried garbanzo beans prepared in the crock pot was turned into four different things: hummus, radish greens pesto chickpea salad, pumpkin soup with harissa, and saag with chickpeas.

Speaking of the crock pot, it worked wonders for us this weekend, allowing us to eat well but not be too weighed down by time in the kitchen when we had lots of housework to do, like cutting down our maple tree (sad day, but now there's more of a view of the other trees...and the freeway)...

... and picking up a quarter cow from a nearby farm.

The best meal was a pot roast made in the church-lady-potluck tradition: cream of mushroom soup and a packet of onion soup mix. Don't worry, I didn't do this with our grass-fed cow from the farm. But still, this is seriously the best way to make a roast if you're going to do it in the crock pot the ultra lazy way without even searing it. And the leftovers made awesome sandwiches with mayo and red onion.

(I am now writing a post in my head about my love for sandwiches, which I have recently discovered in my adult life, but which white people have always known about. So to really talk about it might be the Asian analog of whitesplaining (thank you, Slai) the beauty of drinking hot water.)

And then on Sunday morning, because lunch after church is pretty much the most chaotic/hangry point of the week, I tried out my friend Valinda's suggestion and we did chicken tacos in the crockpot. I just added salt, taco seasoning, and about one cup of chicken broth. On high for ~3 hours (when you're at church) and it was perfect. Easy peasy and delish.

Also, per Christine's awesome post on welcoming fall, we lit candles for dinner to start our Sabbath, which we experimented doing from 5pm-5pm Sat-Sun this past weekend.

Now I've got to plan for this week ahead. Do you guys have any no-fail favorite crockpot meals?

Ooh, also, I've completely forgotten about linking this awesome article my friend Kayla sent me about a month ago on crappy dinner parties, and which we've been participating in ever since. It's been the best thing ever.

P.S. Some follow-ups to last week's randoms:

1) Wearing shoes from the time I wake up until after dinner definitely made me more productive, and on the days I did it, I hit my 10,000 steps goal without even trying.
2) All things pickled FTW. We finished the watermelon radish, peppers, and red onions so fast. So good for anything that needs a little extra somethin'. Or just straight out of the jar because vinegar is my love language.
3) In the middle of the Liturgists episode on Spiral Dynamics. So confused.
4) David and I watched the first ep of This is Us through NBC.com and loved it!

P.P.S. Since drafting this post, I read and made this in the crockpot tonight. It was amazing! And, in the words of one vegetarian who took some home for her daughters, "I think I eat meat now."

20. Anti-climactic?

In Better Than Before, Rubin talks about tailoring your rewards for your habits to your habit. Rather than sabotaging your goals by saying things like, "when I lose 10 pounds, I'll reward myself with a piece of chocolate cake" she suggests that you come up with rewards that encourage you to continue your habits. For example, in this case the reward could be nice exercise clothes that you love, or a new set of knives that make cooking at home easier. One company she referenced did something that made me chuckle. They rewarded employees who used the employee gym 75 times in a year with a free membership the following year. Your reward is more exercise!

I mention this because when I told David last night that I'd be finishing my project today we talked about what my reward should be. Without missing a beat, he said, "Your reward is five more blog posts!" It's true though, the best habits are when the reward is the habit itself. I have loved getting to write more, having an outlet that has nothing to do with my kids or with anything, with no pressures except myself. I have learned more about myself and I have increased my hope and energy for life.

So my reward for writing is that I'm going to write more. Anti-climactic, right? Or is it? (Cue ominous music.) Anyhoo, I'm still completely on the fence about whether I will write on the same schedule or less frequently. I am slightly freaked out that going to not-everyday will make me lose the habit. There are still other creative things I want to do, so I'll have to figure that out. For example, you've noticed I haven't posted many recipes lately because I've been writing, not cooking, duh. And you can't see my family because they've grown so thin from the lack of food around here.

My friend Christine has been one of my inspirations and I might try her pattern of either MWF or TTh. The main thing is carving out time for pursuing creative passions (and/or vocation/vacation and non-conformity) every single day. However much or little I post here, I'll plan to check-in in a month about how I feel about my new rhythm.

Writing and posting here shall be a sort of accountability that I'm keeping up with any and all of these things. Either way, thank you to all of you for following along on my journey and being a wonderfully supportive audience! I'll keep up with some regularity as best as I can.

I don't think I mentioned this quote from the podcast I praised so highly at the beginning of my project. Brown and Gilbert (ooh going to last names now to shake things up) propose changing the question, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" to "What would you do, even if you knew you might fail?" In other words, "What's worth doing even if I fail?" I think for me the answer to the question at least today, is just to keep trying, exploring, and being curious. Super broad and vague but I'm embracing that.

I'm very intrigued by the concept raised in Rubin's book, being a "data point of one," but nonetheless "a very convincing data point." The project I created here was so random, almost ex nihilo, but I am stunned by everything I discovered in pursuing this thirty day (but twenty posts) project.

So now that I've reached my goal, can I have some fruit tart?

05. All quite comforting

Every day since this project began (i.e., these oh-so-dramatic last five days), I have had to resist the urge to begin every post by typing into the stratosphere, "I don't want to write. I don't want to write. I don't want to write." Liz Gilbert reminds me that it is simply boring to be a creative who complains about how frustrated she feels, because frustration is essential to the creative life. She also talks about how you don't have to be a creative and be a tormented, tragic person. It's all quite comforting.

A lot of what catapulted me into this project is the result of stewing and marinating in the cocktail that is reading Brené Brown's The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are and listening to Elizabeth Gilbert's Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear. (Prior to last month I did not know there was a genre for "Creativity" on Amazon. And now for the last few weeks I've been talking David's head off about creativity and the creative process and I'm sure he's like, Yeah, I went to school for this. #arsepoetica)

What I'm taking away from Gilbert's book (besides everything, obviously) is that creative living is a marriage between discipline - the only thing you can control among talent, luck, and discipline - and inspiration. (I'm paraphrasing here, but: "If greatness were to find me, may it find me hard at work.")

Being creative is a gift bestowed on all of us; however, actually creating is a choice. I appreciated how Gilbert acknowledges that having (or making) time to create is a complete and total luxury, but that perhaps instead of seeing creative living as hedonistic, we can instead perceive and then thus receive the ability to create as a divine gift.



P.S. Thank you, Eunice, for introducing me to Overdrive for e-books and audiobooks. It took me about a year to actually try it out but I'm loving it now! And thank you, Christine, for recommending the audiobook version for Gilbert. Totally the perfect medium; except for when I'm driving and I need to pull aside to write down something amazing she said.

#ohbrene, or, Day Zero

"There's no such thing as non-creative people. There are just people who use their creativity and people who don't. And unused creativity is not benign." -Brene Brown*

Hi!

It's the first Wednesday of August and I'm forcing myself to show up here again. When I mentioned a hiatus in my previous post, I had in mind that I'd be back in August. I need the discipline - or so I thought** - I need to show up. However the fact that I didn't say that publicly even though I knew the plan just goes to show how much I love to under-promise and over-deliver. I don't want to disappoint anyone, most of all me.

Last month I was part of an online writer's workshop. Intentionally engaging in the (a?) creative process for the first time in a long time was refreshing in the way that white water rafting is: that is to say, both nerve-wracking and exhilarating. During the ride I knew I would want to do it again, but only after a chance to dry off, warm up, and eat a huge meal.

I'm still reeling from everything I learned and everything that surfaced. And the experience of the workshop seemed to coincide with other creative ventures and conversations, so my head is swirling from ideas and inspirations as well as the many things for which I may need to see a therapist.

I feel like I'm on the precipice of something amazing and I don't know yet what that is, but I have a little feeling that it involves showing up here and writing more. I'm scared, though, to take those inspirations to intentions. I really didn't want this space to be about all that vulnerability crap (#brenebrownismyspiritanimal). I also need a space to be irreverent and irrelevant. But maybe it doesn't have to be one or the other. Maybe I can just be authentic. I'm a little freaked out by this idea but I think I need to do it.

This feels like a common thread for me, and those of you who know me well are probably nodding your heads, like "yup, I think we've been here before with you, Lis." "Here" being this: being okay with the process, not merely obsessing over being processed.

Well, that wasn't as word-vomit-y as I thought this was going to be! Still, enough vulnerability hangover that I'm glad Kayla's making me nachos and a margarita tonight.


_________________
* swiped from a podcast episode of Elizabeth Gilbert's, around 3:36
** Elizabeth Gilbert (I want to just call her Liz like she's my friend too) mentioned in the same podcast about how people think the most important thing they need is not discipline, but rather self-forgiveness and empathy. WHA?? (~18:03)