#ohbrene, or, Day Zero

"There's no such thing as non-creative people. There are just people who use their creativity and people who don't. And unused creativity is not benign." -Brene Brown*

Hi!

It's the first Wednesday of August and I'm forcing myself to show up here again. When I mentioned a hiatus in my previous post, I had in mind that I'd be back in August. I need the discipline - or so I thought** - I need to show up. However the fact that I didn't say that publicly even though I knew the plan just goes to show how much I love to under-promise and over-deliver. I don't want to disappoint anyone, most of all me.

Last month I was part of an online writer's workshop. Intentionally engaging in the (a?) creative process for the first time in a long time was refreshing in the way that white water rafting is: that is to say, both nerve-wracking and exhilarating. During the ride I knew I would want to do it again, but only after a chance to dry off, warm up, and eat a huge meal.

I'm still reeling from everything I learned and everything that surfaced. And the experience of the workshop seemed to coincide with other creative ventures and conversations, so my head is swirling from ideas and inspirations as well as the many things for which I may need to see a therapist.

I feel like I'm on the precipice of something amazing and I don't know yet what that is, but I have a little feeling that it involves showing up here and writing more. I'm scared, though, to take those inspirations to intentions. I really didn't want this space to be about all that vulnerability crap (#brenebrownismyspiritanimal). I also need a space to be irreverent and irrelevant. But maybe it doesn't have to be one or the other. Maybe I can just be authentic. I'm a little freaked out by this idea but I think I need to do it.

This feels like a common thread for me, and those of you who know me well are probably nodding your heads, like "yup, I think we've been here before with you, Lis." "Here" being this: being okay with the process, not merely obsessing over being processed.

Well, that wasn't as word-vomit-y as I thought this was going to be! Still, enough vulnerability hangover that I'm glad Kayla's making me nachos and a margarita tonight.


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* swiped from a podcast episode of Elizabeth Gilbert's, around 3:36
** Elizabeth Gilbert (I want to just call her Liz like she's my friend too) mentioned in the same podcast about how people think the most important thing they need is not discipline, but rather self-forgiveness and empathy. WHA?? (~18:03)