January 14, 2022
Dear October Lisa,
I am writing you before I forget how challenging this past holiday season was, in hopes I can help you prevent some of the mistakes I made. “Mistakes” feels a little harsh; you truly did your best and had already implemented all you already knew to implement from holidays past. Please receive this as me gently encouraging you to be kind to yourself as you enter this season.
 |
| October 2019 |
In a month or so, you'll be hitting the crazy that is the holidays. The on-ramp is the same that most families face; however, instead of being able to put your feet up on December 26th, you'll be staring down the barrel of Theo and Emi’s birthdays at the time of year when there is the least daylight. You'll know in your brain that it's only a week away, but because the calendar stops of December 31st, it is literally a year away.
I hope that by the time you are reading this, you’re already a month into the new academic calendar system you’ve planned to adopt this fall. Why not use the energy of summer to launch you into a new year, and be fully in the swing of things instead of wondering why December 26-31 even exists?
This is also a good time to order Amy Knapp’s Big Grid calendar that you’ve used for 9 out of the past 10 years. That one time you waited until March was really dumb.
I hope that by the time you are reading this, you’re already a month into the new academic calendar system you’ve planned to adopt this fall. Why not use the energy of summer to launch you into a new year, and be fully in the swing of things instead of wondering why December 26-31 even exists?
This is also a good time to order Amy Knapp’s Big Grid calendar that you’ve used for 9 out of the past 10 years. That one time you waited until March was really dumb.
(Though I must admit that the farmer’s market-themed calendar from Dollar Tree had surprisingly cute graphics, there wasn’t nearly enough room to write anything useful on its squares.)
Because your heart is to serve the people you love, remember that when you try to build things big and inevitably get overwhelmed, the people you love end up having to help you recover. Thankfully, they are there for you and are happy to help you, but I think they would rather you just didn’t overwhelm yourself in the first place. Sooooo, let’s keep all that in mind as we start to paint a vision for this holiday season.
I have some Big Picture Thoughts for you, but I'm going to start with some practical stuff because I know you are impatient to get started.
· If you’re feeling like doing gifts (you probably are despite what you might tell everyone else), here’s how I want you to go about it. First, please make sure you buy and wrap Theo and Emi’s birthday gifts in “birthday paper” (as Linda Schell affectionately calls it). Get it from the dollar store (the paper, not the gifts). It might be weird, but I suspect you’ll feel strangely accomplished, and more importantly, hopefully guilt-free as you start getting weary of Christmas shopping/planning/doing and running out of steam. Use “Christmas Energy” to complete Birthday Tasks.
· Get out your aqua notebook (I really hope I put this somewhere you can find it next year). Keep a few pages blank for Thanksgiving and then start a gift ideas page. Also use this to keep notes on everything that is working and not working. And you'll use it for your gift matrix (see below).
· Buy Christmas wrapping paper from Dollar Tree. Assign one type to each kiddo. (Using up last year’s coding is great, too.)
· Wrap as you go (before the dopamine from shopping wears off!). This one is big.
· You’ll probably feel like being creative with community helpers but there’s really no need, especially if that paralyzes you from doing anything. See what you did last year, and do it again. November is a totally appropriate time to do it, and remember, when you “turn things in early,” the grading is gentler. You have leftover Christmas cards you like in the craft cabinet. Use those for cash gifts.
· Halloween was a really fun time to start on a lot of this stuff. This year you can try out earlier if you wish. I don’t think you’ll regret it.
· Limit locations that you shop at; it will simplify keeping track and making returns.
· Play cozy jazz and holiday movies while wrapping (and even while not). Re-read Laura Weir’s Cosy. Buy it for yourself if you haven’t already. Re-watch Little Women (the 1994 version that “ruined Batman” for Kathy).
· Take October to quiet the kiddos’ spaces (rooms and playroom, and living room, and garage, oh geez), changing out clothes, finally putting away swim stuff (sigh, yes), and donating lots of things. (In each room, put like-with-like and have three garbage bags: trash/donate/"orphans".)
· I want to recommend something outlandish to you this year. It’s just an experiment, not a new definite tradition. Try giving your gifts to Kathy, Theo, Emi, and Cori on the last day of school (i.e., Friday) before winter break. This allows you to demarcate between the end of school and the beginning of winter break. You love that feeling of being done with assignments and get super anxious until fixed, major events/performances are over, so this should relieve some of the pressure. Rather than being subjected to the varying (from year to year) number of days between that Friday and when the 25th is, you pre-empt (a euphemism for "control", heh) the bedlam this way.
· Then you can use Saturday and Sunday to recuperate. However, as anxious as you are to put away the tree, let’s try to keep it up at least until the evening of the 25th. (David will thank you.) This year Christmas is on a Sunday, so you can ask David to help you put it away that evening. [That sounds a little shocking as I'm editing this in October now, so perhaps consider having Bethany to come on Monday to help you put it away.] The tree is a weird and wonky distraction for you, and you will feel immense relief when it is put away.
· Ask David to take off the Friday before break and as many days of winter break as possible. Get help with laundry and cooking. You are wearing a million hats now; especially now that it’s break, you’re teacher, janitor, principal, paraeducator, art specialist, IT support, chef, and more). You really can’t do it all. Instead of trying to make the magic, create space to receive the magic.
· Remember to go outside during daylight hours. Your morning walks are now during the dark, and you need sunlight. Take three laps (what Cori calls "Tic Tac Walks") around the outside of the house. Every lap counts.
· Take Zen, especially in the afternoons. Keep in close contact with Dr. Gordon and Sara.
· When you are feeling overwhelmed, step outside for a minute, then come inside and do a pen-and-paper brain dump. Remember that this is a normal time to feel overwhelmed. Even if you’re doing everything you can to anticipate and minimize the stress, expect it to happen. The last thing you need is to beat yourself up for not perfectly preventing every disappointment. Remember that it’s okay to cry; it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’re giving up. It’s normal to struggle.
Finally, January 1st will probably not feel like “New Year’s Day” to you. It’s the dead of winter, you have kids’ birthdays coming up (hopefully you’re feeling less guilty this year), it’s probably super cold outside, and your energy is at its lowest, plus you’re taxed from holiday stress, which we’ve tried to minimize, but won’t ever be perfected.
I know it will feel weird to start a new calendar when there are three perfectly good months left in the old one, but I promise you, on December 26th you will really appreciate this foresight.
Alright, the first thing I want to say is this: congratulations on surviving another back-to-school. You’ve had four of these, but the first three were pretty traumatic, what with a new kindergartener and then COVID-19 and who even knows how this one is going to have been. (Tenses are really confusing when I’m writing now to my future self about the future past.)
It seems like back-to-school shouldn’t be so hard. September is the best month! It’s your birthday month! It’s summer and autumn all in one month! Pumpkin spice everything! And yet.
Alright, the first thing I want to say is this: congratulations on surviving another back-to-school. You’ve had four of these, but the first three were pretty traumatic, what with a new kindergartener and then COVID-19 and who even knows how this one is going to have been. (Tenses are really confusing when I’m writing now to my future self about the future past.)
It seems like back-to-school shouldn’t be so hard. September is the best month! It’s your birthday month! It’s summer and autumn all in one month! Pumpkin spice everything! And yet.
The kids - and let’s face it, you - tend to resist the loss of freedom (and time at the lake) as we transition from summer to fall. While new classes, friends, and teachers are all fun, it feels like the routine of school brings to light all that is not rhythmic at home: when to have dinner, for example, feels super wonky after all those long sunny evenings when we take hot dogs to the lake.
There seems to be stuff everywhere: goggles and swimsuits and sand and also leaves. You keep raking and yet the leaves keep falling. By the time you wait for the last bunch to fall, a series of rainstorms waterlogs it all.
In a couple weeks you’re going to start feeling settled and like you’re really ready to tackle Christmas, like you’ve really got it this year. You’re going ace it.
Bless your heart, October Lisa. Let’s just try to make a teeny tiny bit of progress this year.
Bless your heart, October Lisa. Let’s just try to make a teeny tiny bit of progress this year.
Because your heart is to serve the people you love, remember that when you try to build things big and inevitably get overwhelmed, the people you love end up having to help you recover. Thankfully, they are there for you and are happy to help you, but I think they would rather you just didn’t overwhelm yourself in the first place. Sooooo, let’s keep all that in mind as we start to paint a vision for this holiday season.
I have some Big Picture Thoughts for you, but I'm going to start with some practical stuff because I know you are impatient to get started.
· If you’re feeling like doing gifts (you probably are despite what you might tell everyone else), here’s how I want you to go about it. First, please make sure you buy and wrap Theo and Emi’s birthday gifts in “birthday paper” (as Linda Schell affectionately calls it). Get it from the dollar store (the paper, not the gifts). It might be weird, but I suspect you’ll feel strangely accomplished, and more importantly, hopefully guilt-free as you start getting weary of Christmas shopping/planning/doing and running out of steam. Use “Christmas Energy” to complete Birthday Tasks.
· Get out your aqua notebook (I really hope I put this somewhere you can find it next year). Keep a few pages blank for Thanksgiving and then start a gift ideas page. Also use this to keep notes on everything that is working and not working. And you'll use it for your gift matrix (see below).
· Buy Christmas wrapping paper from Dollar Tree. Assign one type to each kiddo. (Using up last year’s coding is great, too.)
· Wrap as you go (before the dopamine from shopping wears off!). This one is big.
· You’ll probably feel like being creative with community helpers but there’s really no need, especially if that paralyzes you from doing anything. See what you did last year, and do it again. November is a totally appropriate time to do it, and remember, when you “turn things in early,” the grading is gentler. You have leftover Christmas cards you like in the craft cabinet. Use those for cash gifts.
· Halloween was a really fun time to start on a lot of this stuff. This year you can try out earlier if you wish. I don’t think you’ll regret it.
· Limit locations that you shop at; it will simplify keeping track and making returns.
· Play cozy jazz and holiday movies while wrapping (and even while not). Re-read Laura Weir’s Cosy. Buy it for yourself if you haven’t already. Re-watch Little Women (the 1994 version that “ruined Batman” for Kathy).
· Take October to quiet the kiddos’ spaces (rooms and playroom, and living room, and garage, oh geez), changing out clothes, finally putting away swim stuff (sigh, yes), and donating lots of things. (In each room, put like-with-like and have three garbage bags: trash/donate/"orphans".)
· I want to recommend something outlandish to you this year. It’s just an experiment, not a new definite tradition. Try giving your gifts to Kathy, Theo, Emi, and Cori on the last day of school (i.e., Friday) before winter break. This allows you to demarcate between the end of school and the beginning of winter break. You love that feeling of being done with assignments and get super anxious until fixed, major events/performances are over, so this should relieve some of the pressure. Rather than being subjected to the varying (from year to year) number of days between that Friday and when the 25th is, you pre-empt (a euphemism for "control", heh) the bedlam this way.
· Then you can use Saturday and Sunday to recuperate. However, as anxious as you are to put away the tree, let’s try to keep it up at least until the evening of the 25th. (David will thank you.) This year Christmas is on a Sunday, so you can ask David to help you put it away that evening. [That sounds a little shocking as I'm editing this in October now, so perhaps consider having Bethany to come on Monday to help you put it away.] The tree is a weird and wonky distraction for you, and you will feel immense relief when it is put away.
· Ask David to take off the Friday before break and as many days of winter break as possible. Get help with laundry and cooking. You are wearing a million hats now; especially now that it’s break, you’re teacher, janitor, principal, paraeducator, art specialist, IT support, chef, and more). You really can’t do it all. Instead of trying to make the magic, create space to receive the magic.
· Remember to go outside during daylight hours. Your morning walks are now during the dark, and you need sunlight. Take three laps (what Cori calls "Tic Tac Walks") around the outside of the house. Every lap counts.
· Take Zen, especially in the afternoons. Keep in close contact with Dr. Gordon and Sara.
· When you are feeling overwhelmed, step outside for a minute, then come inside and do a pen-and-paper brain dump. Remember that this is a normal time to feel overwhelmed. Even if you’re doing everything you can to anticipate and minimize the stress, expect it to happen. The last thing you need is to beat yourself up for not perfectly preventing every disappointment. Remember that it’s okay to cry; it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’re giving up. It’s normal to struggle.
Finally, January 1st will probably not feel like “New Year’s Day” to you. It’s the dead of winter, you have kids’ birthdays coming up (hopefully you’re feeling less guilty this year), it’s probably super cold outside, and your energy is at its lowest, plus you’re taxed from holiday stress, which we’ve tried to minimize, but won’t ever be perfected.
It’s okay to feel hollow, exhausted, ready for the kids to go back to school. You’ll get back your energy. It may not be by later in January, or even by May. But you will get it back. For now, pat yourself on the back for surviving December. Whew, that was a tough one!
Your family is intact and that’s all that truly matters. Now: keep your house that way, too, by resisting the temptation to burn it all down.
I love you. You're doing great. You've got this!
Yours,
The Ghost of Lisa of Christmases Past
