17. Keep pedalling

"Habits are a great servant but a bad master" -- Gretchen Rubin's take on Francis Bacon

I suggested on Day 15 that I might wrap up this project when my original commitment comes to a close, but since starting Gretchen Rubin's book about habits on Day 13, I've wondered if giving myself permission to drop this habit will be to my detriment.

It's always a question of balance, of how you achieve the maximum amount of fulfillment with the least amount of effort, as well as having enough but not too much. Have I gotten out of this project what I want? What should I hold on to and what do I need to let go of so I can move on to other things?

When I began my 30 days of blogging (i.e., 20 posts when I give myself weekends off; I know that's confusing, but I made up the rules, and hey, if that was an awkward mistake, I learned something by doing something), I didn't necessarily see it as trying out a habit. But I have come to see that it has very much functioned as a habit; making a decision that removes the decision-making process out of it. I don't have to ask, "Do I feel like writing today?" "Is what I wrote 'good enough' to be posted today?" Nope. That decision has already been made. I'm going to write, I'm going to post.

It's been incredibly freeing.



P.S. Another housekeeping note. I'm realizing that my replies to your comments don't necessarily go to you unless you subscribe to be notified of all comments, and that seems a bit excessive. I've thus been a bit lame about replying in recent days, even though I'd like to be the type of person who responds to all the comments. This might mean I need to figure out another way, or to overhaul the system, or to just text/email you personally if you comment. I just wanted to let you know that I'm aware of the issue and I am thinking about a solution.

16. Creative and secure

It's time for something light and fluffy again.

The other day I was trying to figure out a way to attach my phone to my person during walks because I notice that when I carry it in my hand, the ever-so-slight force from walking eventually wears on my elbow joint.

I didn't want to buy anything so I found this cool hack. I tried it around the house for a little but I still wanted something that was a little more balanced (I felt weird having a weight on one arm and was also nervous about it falling into places I didn't want it to fall into, you can guess what I mean). My mind went to the idea of a shoulder holster like they have in police dramas, so I googled it and found this. Super awkward. Also, I had seen the belt idea but I wondered why everyone just thought it cool and yet no one is ready to equate fanny pack with "cool." (In the words of my friend Kayla, "seems weird to me.")

Anyway so if someone wants to come up with a creative, secure, non-dorky, and symmetric way of carrying a phone around, I'm all ears!

P.S. This photo is for the previous post's postscript re: time spent earning money for our kids is time away from our kids.*

"Free" entertainment that I don't have to clean up after!

Ironically, we had to pay $800 for this dirt pile. The maple tree above has been sending its roots into our main line for years, probably from even before we bought the house. Not only did we have to pay that steep bill for the plumber to clean up the line, but in order to get that discounted price (!), David had to provide the labor of digging out to the baffle to our septic. (I was "baffled" when the plumber tried to explain all this to me.)

Not looking forward to having to say goodbye to that maple soon.

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*The classic book Your Money or Your Life is an interesting philosophical read that enlightened me to the concept of "making a dying" and the idea that we often see work in opposition to a future sense of retirement/"vacation", to the severe detriment of our every day life. I notice there are vestiges of this in my life; things I hold onto because I think of my life as dying rather than really living. Letting go of these things (literally and figuratively) has been part of this spiritual awakening. Hmm, I'm 16 posts in and haven't yet talked about scarcity vs. abundance mentalities.

15. Everything and nothing

Today I have everything and nothing to say.

I'm starting to get to the point where I want to be done with this project so I can reboot with a new one. At the same time, I am wondering what principles I should carry into the next project, because I think there are some valuable aspects, such as the aspect of accountability through publicly declaring a project. May it never be said of me that I don't follow through on my commitments. (Oof, what does that say about me?)

One of the major concepts I'm experiencing within this project is Einstein's tactic of "combinatory play," which I first heard referenced in Liz Gilbert's Big Magic. It's the notion that when you're stuck, engaging yourself in some other way and might help you get unstuck. This could be something simple like going for a walk, or it could be taking up a different artistic hobby.

"I don't sweat the small stuff. Instead, I lump it together with the big and medium things so I can have a major breakdown instead." --Abbyhasissues.com

I don't think I realized how stuck I was in life and in general until I painted our bed white earlier this year, which led to us doing the The Purge, which gave me the mental capacity and energy to sign up for a writer's workshop, which led me to authors and to Inspiration, which led me to this project, which I already feel is leading me to a lot of other paths of unstuckness.

In fact, the subject of my first workshop essay was the painting of our originally black bed. One day after Kathy helped me tidy up our room I was inspired to get rid of the darkness once and for all. (Our room gets the most light in the house and yet it was so depressing because of our black furniture. No bueno in a very grey city.) I wrote about how I just dove in without much prep or planning but that just doing it was way better than not. And now, six months later, I see that that little step - done but not perfect - made a huge impact on how I'm feeling today. It's a lesson for me, to consider the things that are bothering me the most in my life - even if they may seem like insignificant things - and do something to change it, without being afraid to mess up.

This, too, is related to the idea mentioned before of creating your vocation/vacation. As well as the idea of not only being your own best friend, but also being your own therapist. I need to engage myself, ask myself what's bothering me, what do I want my life to look like, and how do I get there.

***

Random: One possible negative of my meditating on thoughts of creativity and non-conformity is that I'm starting to question a lot of the rules I impose on my kids. I try to give choices as many times as I can throughout the day, although obviously they are bounded choices. "I am their mom, not a cruise director." (I can't stop chuckling at that. I also can't figure out who said that first. Someone thought Tina Fey, which sounds right, but I can't prove it on the Internetz so it's not verified.) So I'm going to not let the possible paradigm shifts steer me too much; my sanity is more important than that, for the time being. My kids shall keep conforming to the conventions I set for them, says this mom, aka the benevolent dictator.

***

P.S. A few of you have asked how having kids affects my perspective on decluttering/simplicity. I definitely think it feels hard to get rid of things that I think *might* benefit my kid (one day), but in the bigger picture, but I'm learning that having less stuff to tidy or less stuff to make sure my kids aren't getting hurt on ends up freeing me up to have more time and energy for my kids, which is a good thing. See this article from a slightly different angle that I think makes the same argument.

P.P.S. FYI I brushed up on the recipe page a bit and it's more comprehensive now. Food is another way of engaging "combinatory play" - I need to make and post more recipes!

14. Anything, but not everything

'

"You can do anything, but not everything." -- David Allen

This quote grounds Ali Wong's rant against feminism. I don't want everything. And I especially don't want to feel like I'm expected to want everything. But I do want to figure out what is important to me and live that out fully.

Peace out, friends!

P.S. I started Amy Poehler's Yes, Please and love it. (Also, that is how I responded to David's proposal.) 

P.P.S. Kayla, if you want to get a head start on the next book I'm dying to read but that is still on my hold list, it's Essentialism by Greg Keown.

13. Mindfully, then mindlessly

I started a new book with serendipitous resonances to what I've been thinking about: Gretchen Rubin's Better Than Before. I'm only a few chapters in but I love how she dives right into some very compelling points. She posits that a habit becomes something you have already decided, which takes the decision-making - and thus the dependence upon self-control - out of the equation. It's mindful, and then it's mindless. Or numbing.

I bought and started the above-pictured habit tracker in the beginning of July, and chose "get up before the kids" in preparation for my writing workshop, knowing that I'd need to build more time into my day. I am so far from being a morning person that I made this mini-goal of waking up only 25 minutes before I have to get Emilyn up. Of course, when I started this, both kids started waking up on their own way earlier than my goal. Little stinkers. Fortunately, it got better quickly.

I love showing up early for everything else in my life (early is on time, on time is late, late is unacceptable), and yet it's so hard for me to show up early for my life. Does anyone have tips for waking up early? I want more for myself but I still feel like death whenever the alarm clock rings.*

Of course the other goal/habit has been this project of blogging almost-daily. At first it was a leap; it was really hard the first few days, and then it got way better. I didn't even notice that the agony/anguish has been reduced significantly until I was telling a friend about it yesterday. (Yup, looking back, I was experiencing peak anguish on days three and five.) Once I decided, the decision-making was no longer taking up energy.

What habits have you successfully added to your life / would you like to start?

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* Since drafting this post earlier this afternoon, I read far enough into Rubin's book to see that she recommends working within the "type" of person you are when developing habits; the first designation listed is owl/lark. Ha! (As I finish revising to post at 10:25 p.m...) And, yes, I do realize that waking up even at 7:20 is not considered very early to many people.

P.S. Also, just did reverse meal planning. Mind blown. Perfect for us rebels!

12. Finding your vacation

My favorite non-conformists.

"It is fun to have fun but you have to know how." --The Cat in the Hat

When I was at Berkeley I took a deCal (extracurricular course) called "Finding Your Vocation," taught by a Dave Evans, whom I now see is at Stanford (almost typed something different but then thought better of it, Alex). We were provided a lot of interesting readings but the thing I have not forgotten is from the first day when everyone went around and shared why they signed up for the class. No joke, after half the group had shared, one girl said, "Oh my gosh. I thought this class was called 'Finding your vacation.'" The collective embarrassment felt in the room for her was visceral.

Today, however, I am starting to see the convergence between vocation/vacation.

Super convoluted but here goes: The process of decluttering our home ala KonMari precipitated a ruthless examination of my life/mind/spirit/psyche. Every segment we did was really dreadful but then at the end we could stand back and feel so happy. Now that we've completed a significant amount, I look at different sections of our house that have been Konmari'd, feel giddy, and think, "This is our vacation home." (David, I was tempted to insert a parenthetical "becoming." Lolz.)

The paradigm shift for me was "Why can't our home be our vacation home?" When I think about vacation, the aspect I love most about it is not sightseeing or going out and doing things, but lounging around with nothing to do and without many of my possessions around me, save for the things needed to cook a yummy meal, and maybe a book or two.

In The Art of Non-Conformity (I'm on the last hour of the audiobook now), Guillebeau also suggests the exercise of writing out what your ideal day would look like. I need to do that soon and figure out how to bring alignment between my current reality and my ideal reality. It is probably going to involve figuring out how I can go swimming more often. (Christine, why aren't we neighbors?)

I think I've been waiting for my vocation to drop in my lap from the sky; now I'm beginning to realize that perhaps I can take the bull by the horns and create/curate my life/home into my vocation/vacation.

***

This recent joy of creativity has been a life saver for me. After a long season of feeling socially, mentally, and spiritually dry, I'm tucking "creativity" away as a tool I need to remember when I'm feeling stuck. I love the phrase "your childhood solutions become your adult problems" (HT: Carol Johnston of First Pres Berkeley Stephen Ministry fame). I think what it's saying to me now is that there's a good and valid reason why we may do things for a long spell or season. But when it stops working, you can move on and figure out something else. My old ways of seeing and knowing God and understanding the world, and the church, and so many other things? Just because they aren't working doesn't mean God isn't there. (Ohhhhhhhh I'm getting to that deep stuff. And I'm gonna stop here before I cry. #toolate What a friggin' long grieving process this is.)

If I remove the scaffolding of fears I have set up for myself, will faith be there to catch me?

***

So tell me, what is your ideal vocation/vacation?

11. The weakest/strongest thing I could be

One concept I've been taking to heart since my writing workshop in July is having a notebook for all the ideas that come to mind or things I observe in my day, as a way of "catching creativity by its tail." I used to do this a long time ago. At one point in college I had a small unlined Moleskine with one-line poems and even a taped-in snowflake I had made out of weigh paper from chem lab. (Molly, I'm currently weighing my options for puns on the word "tare". See what I did there? Elizabeth, I am remembering the many vellum notes and other arch-y gifts I received from you.)

I may have accidentally Konmari'd all my physical notebooks (oops) so I have yet to come up with a happy place to put all my thoughts (plus I love my planner but sometimes feel frustrated with having multiple paper notebooks on my desk). For now I'm gathering thoughts on my phone because I almost always have it on me. (Except when I'm asking "where is my phone?", which happens 2394082343209 times a day. #literally)

Yes I'm an old person who needs the extra-large font.

***

I can't remember where I first heard of this concept but it popped into my head again this morning, the notion of "being one's own best friend." I feel like that's not a message I heard growing up but could have really used since, especially when I first moved to the PNW. Even if I had heard it, I probably would have scoffed at that; that's for losers, I'd have thought.

And yet: Liz and Brene (about time I drop those last names, eh?) talk in the aforementioned Episode 12 about how we are quick to offer compassion to others but more hesitant with ourselves, but what makes you so special that you think you don't deserve compassion? (They then go on to talk about the "narcissism of depression." Oof.)

I'm totally that person who always needs at least one best friend and I've been lucky to have many best friends throughout my life.* So it totally depressed me when we moved to a new place that I thought was cool and easy and no one wanted to be friends, period. I hate to consider that this all happened so that I could learn to be my own best friend. (Insert gagging sounds.) It seems simultaneously weak and the strongest thing you could do/be.

So in a way, this project, as it unfolds, is kind of also a "that notebook" with myself. Letters to myself that are evidence someone wants to talk to me, whether or not you readers are here for the ride, which I'm glad that you are.

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*I've also since snagged an extraordinary husband who is now forced to be my best friend for life. (Channeling Ali here. We're already on a first-name basis, after only one previous blog mention.)

P.S. Remember how I mentioned my neo(?)-Ludditism in previous posts? I feel like I fell off the edge of the Internet when Google Reader died. How did the rest of you survive? I still don't think I can recover from that. RIP, GR.