Pipe dream

You guys. Most days lately I'm operating on the lowest levels of Maslow's hierarchy of needs, simply keeping small and big people alive. Self-actualization? Just a pipe dream.

But thoughts are always flowing through my brain, and instead of worrying about them not being good enough to put out into the world, I just need to do it. Always my lesson.

The format and/or quality may not be what I aspire to. But this is my space, so for whom does it really matter? It's better to have shitty first drafts than none at all, right?

(Be, and act as, my own authority. Forever my lesson as a 6.)

Also, it's so weird, but I'm only now discovering in my 30s that self-disclosure is not my strong suit. As a flaming extrovert I had no idea how true this is about me. No one told me I need to work on this, I just feel like I need to.

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Despite crazy low moments of stress / exhaustion / overwhelm / anxiety, I'm having some really good moments. Moments I feel evolved, lol. Like this morning, when I heard the heater turn on, instead of feeling worried about bills, I thought, Thank you that we have heat. What stupid privileged conversation I often waste my brain space on, worrying about the things we have.

So, thank You, thank You, thank You.