[Alternatively titled, A Few Ways To Reduce White Knuckling. (See also: “Instead”)]
* Put on a sweater and slippers AND turn on the heat
* Get my meal plan for the week organized AND plan to order take-out
* Schedule therapy AND increase my meds
* Get fresh air despite the cold and/or rain AND book flights to California for more sun
* Do my work AND light a candle and play my favorite music
* Fix that fancy autumnal salad that looks good but seems like it involves way too much chopping (or… not) AND enjoy a delightful non-water beverage if it sounds good to me
* Follow my routine AND recite the mantra, “I am allowing this moment to be easy.”
11/29/2021
11/19/2021
A letter to my winter self
Dear Winter Lisa,
There will be a time when you will feel debilitated, like a stone has been tied around your waist and is pulling you under water.
What can we do to protect you from sinking, love? For starters, when you begin to feel this way, I want you to read this letter and remember that I see you. You’re probably feeling sad and struggling with how hard everything feels especially because you are usually a happy, jubilant, initiating human and right now you feel dull and stuck.
Sure, diet and exercise will help. But you need more than these things. Tell Peggy. Tell Bethany. Tell David and Diana. Increase your meds to 50 mg even if they make you feel “funny.” Go on all the flights you booked to San Jose, even if you think you don’t need to go. There is no medal for getting through winter without extra support.
These trips you take in the dead of winter are not meant to fix your feelings or help you “make meaning” out of winter; they are simply to keep you alive for Summer Lisa.
I’m guessing that what is the hardest is not the acceptance of the rain or the gloom but acceptance of how low your mood is. There is nothing wrong with you, even though you don’t “feel like yourself.” Please know that I accept you as you are right now, and that I love you.
You are worthy even when you struggle. Happiness is not perfection and perfection isn’t even what is being asked of you.
Hang in there, and I’ll see you next summer at the lake.
There will be a time when you will feel debilitated, like a stone has been tied around your waist and is pulling you under water.
What can we do to protect you from sinking, love? For starters, when you begin to feel this way, I want you to read this letter and remember that I see you. You’re probably feeling sad and struggling with how hard everything feels especially because you are usually a happy, jubilant, initiating human and right now you feel dull and stuck.
Sure, diet and exercise will help. But you need more than these things. Tell Peggy. Tell Bethany. Tell David and Diana. Increase your meds to 50 mg even if they make you feel “funny.” Go on all the flights you booked to San Jose, even if you think you don’t need to go. There is no medal for getting through winter without extra support.
These trips you take in the dead of winter are not meant to fix your feelings or help you “make meaning” out of winter; they are simply to keep you alive for Summer Lisa.
I’m guessing that what is the hardest is not the acceptance of the rain or the gloom but acceptance of how low your mood is. There is nothing wrong with you, even though you don’t “feel like yourself.” Please know that I accept you as you are right now, and that I love you.
You are worthy even when you struggle. Happiness is not perfection and perfection isn’t even what is being asked of you.
Hang in there, and I’ll see you next summer at the lake.
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