Theo says

Theo is just at that age where some days are super aggravating but that interspersed are these transcendent moments in which I am bewildered that I birthed this person.

Sidebar: I am happy to report that I found a good counselor and that hopefully that will help me keep afloat of my own junk.

And I think she's in her 60s so that makes all this even more perfect.

Theo is not quite yet three but I've heard from other moms that three can be way harder than two (though two wasn't too bad for us), that 3.5 is the pits, that threenagers give you moments that are the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

One of his latest monster truck drawings.

I try to keep notes (on my phone, in random notebooks) of the super funny things that he says, and I think it will be important for me in the next few months to pay attention to these occurrences that make motherhood worth it.

We think he's pretty smart and a decently verbal kid (for a boy). He absolutely cracks me up with the things he makes connections between.

• Sometimes under his breath he'll say "I'm a big boy" when he's doing something he knows he is supposed to be doing, without being asked.
• "We need to get more money, lots more money, to get a tractor." (He wants a *real* John Deere tractor, not a toy one, and he keeps hoping Santa will bring him one. Any time we go out to the store - even the grocery store - he thinks we might consider buying one.)

• When we tuck him in at night, he usually says, "love you, mama" and "love you, appa." Recently he has begun to add, "I love my gray house. It's gray, and white, and there are windows, and wood, and a chimney. I love my gray house."
• This week his internal clock told him it was Tuesday and time to go to the library, even though nothing was mentioned, and David even worked on Sunday which totally throws off the schedule, at least for me. 
• Theo has been out of a toddler bed for more than six months now so it was funny when he randomly brought it up with David the other day. "Appa, do you remember my toddler bed? Where there was a short rail on one side and I could get in and out?"
• He can sing so many Christmas carols by himself and especially loves the Pentatonix version of Drummer Boy; he can even do some beatboxing, and his rhythm is spot on.
• The other day David was trying to get Theo to give him a wall charger he was holding onto, and Theo said, "No, Appa. I need that for my WiFis."

Literal guidelines

Okay, you guys might already be enlightened and all, but I did a very grown-up thing the other day which is this: I looked up a video of how to properly cut up a whole raw chicken and then I did it. And it made me giddy.

Now, while I love to cook, I can't say I love touching raw meat, but no joke, this makes me want to cut up ALL THE CHICKENS.

I had no idea that it was so simple (and fun! and satisfying!) when you follow the guidelines. Literally! Literally literally. As in, there is literally a fat line you cut along order to easily separate the drumstick from the thigh - no Asian cleaver needed, no juices flying errwhere.

Because I love y'all so much, here it is. Melissa Clark on how to cut up a whole chicken.

Multiple choice prompt for your comment submissions:
(a) I already knew how to do this; I love it; I am awesome forever and ever amen.
(b) I will have to try this out; Lisa, you are the most enlightening and generous person ever!
(c) That was pretty cool, but I'm still a little grossed out by touching raw meat.
(d) Huh.

You're welcome!

A hard week

This has been a hard week. Hence, why I'm dragging myself here on a Friday, to finally write this week's post.

I've been in a funk, and (because?) my kids are going crazy. It's probably partly due to the weather: the darkness, and the cold keeping us in.

To give you an idea of how bad this week was, let me just say that I spent one whole nap-time Googling therapists and preschools. (The former for me, the latter for a certain almost-three-year-old, if you weren't clear.)

I had one of those days when I dreamed of being older and getting momnesia, being one of Those Moms.

I think it's even harder after a year of growth and realizations. Like, aren't I supposed to be a better person now? I've learned a little about self-compassion! I've been enlightened! I can live in the moment! I can be my own best friend?! Or even my own boss! And, when all else fails, "Plot twist!"

Sigh. The spirals of despair.

Anyway, I'm just going to try to keep showing up. Each and every damn day.

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Kendra Adachi, of The Lazy Genius Collective, my newest blog/podcast love, asks these three questions of her podcast listeners at the end of every interview. I'll answer them for you and ask for you to reply with yours.

Something I love: The Road Back to You podcast. The production has improved significantly since its inception. I particularly enjoyed Reclaiming Hope (Nov 16) and How Do You Manage the Unrest in Your Soul (Nov 10).
Something I hate: Feeling overwhelmed by the aforementioned almost-three-year-old.
Something I need: Besides therapy and/or preschool, a vacation in a warm place or at least a heated swimming pool!

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Other randoms:

• If you have smelly kitchen towels, despite any and all past efforts of washing in borax/vinegar/baking soda/etc. in the laundry machine, try: boiling them in 1/4-1/2 cup baking soda on your stove for 20-30 minutes. In addition to smelling so clean (i.e., not smelling like anything), my flour sacks are more absorbent now, too! You're welcome.
• If you need to watch the stupidest stupid thing ever, check this out. If it's not funny to you, just watch it again.
• My friend Jason said, "for someone who's not on Facebook, you sure like a lot of dumb videos." This is for having also insisted that we watch Christopher Walken's Googly Eyes video before dinner. (Is Walken a 6, needing to know where he stands with something?)
• I've signed up for a sort of continuation of the workshop I took this summer, called The Year of Creativity. If you're interested, I have a referral link that will get you 10% off and then $10 for me. 
• Instead of doing a full elimination diet just yet, I've tried cutting out gluten for Emilyn and me. So far it's making a big difference for Emilyn, and a questionable difference for me. 

Love. Hate. Need. Go!