An open letter from Post-Holiday Lisa

January 14, 2022

Dear October Lisa,

I am writing you before I forget how challenging this past holiday season was, in hopes I can help you prevent some of the mistakes I made. “Mistakes” feels a little harsh; you truly did your best and had already implemented all you already knew to implement from holidays past. Please receive this as me gently encouraging you to be kind to yourself as you enter this season.

October 2019

In a month or so, you'll be hitting the crazy that is the holidays. The on-ramp is the same that most families face; however, instead of being able to put your feet up on December 26th, you'll be staring down the barrel of Theo and Emi’s birthdays at the time of year when there is the least daylight. You'll know in your brain that it's only a week away, but because the calendar stops of December 31st, it is literally a year away. 

I hope that by the time you are reading this, you’re already a month into the new academic calendar system you’ve planned to adopt this fall. Why not use the energy of summer to launch you into a new year, and be fully in the swing of things instead of wondering why December 26-31 even exists?

This is also a good time to order Amy Knapp’s Big Grid calendar that you’ve used for 9 out of the past 10 years. That one time you waited until March was really dumb. 

(Though I must admit that the farmer’s market-themed calendar from Dollar Tree had surprisingly cute graphics, there wasn’t nearly enough room to write anything useful on its squares.) 

I know it will feel weird to start a new calendar when there are three perfectly good months left in the old one, but I promise you, on December 26th you will really appreciate this foresight.

Alright, the first thing I want to say is this: congratulations on surviving another back-to-school. You’ve had four of these, but the first three were pretty traumatic, what with a new kindergartener and then COVID-19 and who even knows how this one is going to have been. (Tenses are really confusing when I’m writing now to my future self about the future past.)

It seems like back-to-school shouldn’t be so hard. September is the best month! It’s your birthday month! It’s summer and autumn all in one month! Pumpkin spice everything! And yet. 

The kids - and let’s face it, you - tend to resist the loss of freedom (and time at the lake) as we transition from summer to fall. While new classes, friends, and teachers are all fun, it feels like the routine of school brings to light all that is not rhythmic at home: when to have dinner, for example, feels super wonky after all those long sunny evenings when we take hot dogs to the lake.

There seems to be stuff everywhere: goggles and swimsuits and sand and also leaves. You keep raking and yet the leaves keep falling. By the time you wait for the last bunch to fall, a series of rainstorms waterlogs it all. 

In a couple weeks you’re going to start feeling settled and like you’re really ready to tackle Christmas, like you’ve really got it this year. You’re going ace it.

Bless your heart, October Lisa. Let’s just try to make a teeny tiny bit of progress this year. 

Because your heart is to serve the people you love, remember that when you try to build things big and inevitably get overwhelmed, the people you love end up having to help you recover. Thankfully, they are there for you and are happy to help you, but I think they would rather you just didn’t overwhelm yourself in the first place. Sooooo, let’s keep all that in mind as we start to paint a vision for this holiday season.

I have some Big Picture Thoughts for you, but I'm going to start with some practical stuff because I know you are impatient to get started.

· If you’re feeling like doing gifts (you probably are despite what you might tell everyone else), here’s how I want you to go about it. First, please make sure you buy and wrap Theo and Emi’s birthday gifts in “birthday paper” (as Linda Schell affectionately calls it). Get it from the dollar store (the paper, not the gifts). It might be weird, but I suspect you’ll feel strangely accomplished, and more importantly, hopefully guilt-free as you start getting weary of Christmas shopping/planning/doing and running out of steam. Use “Christmas Energy” to complete Birthday Tasks.

· Get out your aqua notebook (I really hope I put this somewhere you can find it next year). Keep a few pages blank for Thanksgiving and then start a gift ideas page. Also use this to keep notes on everything that is working and not working. And you'll use it for your gift matrix (see below).

· Buy Christmas wrapping paper from Dollar Tree. Assign one type to each kiddo. (Using up last year’s coding is great, too.)

· Wrap as you go (before the dopamine from shopping wears off!). This one is big.

· You’ll probably feel like being creative with community helpers but there’s really no need, especially if that paralyzes you from doing anything. See what you did last year, and do it again. November is a totally appropriate time to do it, and remember, when you “turn things in early,” the grading is gentler. You have leftover Christmas cards you like in the craft cabinet. Use those for cash gifts.

· Halloween was a really fun time to start on a lot of this stuff. This year you can try out earlier if you wish. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

· Limit locations that you shop at; it will simplify keeping track and making returns.

· Play cozy jazz and holiday movies while wrapping (and even while not). Re-read Laura Weir’s Cosy. Buy it for yourself if you haven’t already. Re-watch Little Women (the 1994 version that “ruined Batman” for Kathy).

· Take October to quiet the kiddos’ spaces (rooms and playroom, and living room, and garage, oh geez), changing out clothes, finally putting away swim stuff (sigh, yes), and donating lots of things. (In each room, put like-with-like and have three garbage bags: trash/donate/"orphans".)

· I want to recommend something outlandish to you this year. It’s just an experiment, not a new definite tradition. Try giving your gifts to Kathy, Theo, Emi, and Cori on the last day of school (i.e., Friday) before winter break. This allows you to demarcate between the end of school and the beginning of winter break. You love that feeling of being done with assignments and get super anxious until fixed, major events/performances are over, so this should relieve some of the pressure. Rather than being subjected to the varying (from year to year) number of days between that Friday and when the 25th is, you pre-empt (a euphemism for "control", heh) the bedlam this way.

· Then you can use Saturday and Sunday to recuperate. However, as anxious as you are to put away the tree, let’s try to keep it up at least until the evening of the 25th. (David will thank you.) This year Christmas is on a Sunday, so you can ask David to help you put it away that evening. [That sounds a little shocking as I'm editing this in October now, so perhaps consider having Bethany to come on Monday to help you put it away.] The tree is a weird and wonky distraction for you, and you will feel immense relief when it is put away.

· Ask David to take off the Friday before break and as many days of winter break as possible. Get help with laundry and cooking. You are wearing a million hats now; especially now that it’s break, you’re teacher, janitor, principal, paraeducator, art specialist, IT support, chef, and more). You really can’t do it all. Instead of trying to make the magic, create space to receive the magic.

· Remember to go outside during daylight hours. Your morning walks are now during the dark, and you need sunlight. Take three laps (what Cori calls "Tic Tac Walks") around the outside of the house. Every lap counts.

· Take Zen, especially in the afternoons. Keep in close contact with Dr. Gordon and Sara.

· When you are feeling overwhelmed, step outside for a minute, then come inside and do a pen-and-paper brain dump. Remember that this is a normal time to feel overwhelmed. Even if you’re doing everything you can to anticipate and minimize the stress, expect it to happen. The last thing you need is to beat yourself up for not perfectly preventing every disappointment. Remember that it’s okay to cry; it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’re giving up. It’s normal to struggle.

Finally, January 1st will probably not feel like “New Year’s Day” to you. It’s the dead of winter, you have kids’ birthdays coming up (hopefully you’re feeling less guilty this year), it’s probably super cold outside, and your energy is at its lowest, plus you’re taxed from holiday stress, which we’ve tried to minimize, but won’t ever be perfected. 

It’s okay to feel hollow, exhausted, ready for the kids to go back to school. You’ll get back your energy. It may not be by later in January, or even by May. But you will get it back. For now, pat yourself on the back for surviving December. Whew, that was a tough one! 

Your family is intact and that’s all that truly matters. Now: keep your house that way, too, by resisting the temptation to burn it all down.

I love you. You're doing great. You've got this!

Yours,

The Ghost of Lisa of Christmases Past

RIP

Our meals have been pretty sad lately, but I am accepting that this might just be a season. Whether it was motherhood or the pandemic that led to the death of finding joy in preparing food, I won't ever know. At this point, the best thing I can do is accept the reality, hope that it's just for a season, and create room in my life for other more satisfying creative outlets.

Not only does the New Lisa tolerate Tupperware, she also actually scrubs toilets and has been known to swipe at a baseboard with a rag every once in a while

I share this here in case any of you are struggling with boring dinner rotations or lack of novelty around the dinner table. You're not alone.

Without further ado, here is our ultra-boring dinner schedule we followed surprisingly religiously for about a couple months this winter. 

Perhaps a more fun way to think of this is as a capsule meal plan. Like, we haven't given up entirely on life.

Saturday: take-out (usually Mexican or Vietnamese) -- this is a new addition, and it's been super nice (albeit counter intuitive) to pair grocery shopping day with take-out
Sunday: sheet pan chicken OR pork chops and kale

Monday: tacos OR spaghetti (we got 1/4 cow last fall and it helps to just have one day a week I need to remember to defrost meat)

Tuesday: leftovers

Wednesday: xuxu soup OR cheater hainanese chicken

Thursday: leftovers -- pre-pandemic we rarely had leftovers night; now it's twice a week and I'm pleasantly surprised to find out I haven't (actually) died from this.

Friday: spam and egg w/ rice and cauliflower

(The overall concept of a fixed meal plan is a marriage of Kendra Adachi's "Decide Once" principle to reduce decision fatigue, and Zombie Mode, which is a schedule that the Alive version of yourself writes for yourself on the days you feel dead.)

In the past couple weeks I've definitely started to feel a slight desire to cook other things (er, more precisely, to eat other things). But instead of switching up the whole schedule--because the schedule has helped create more sanity for me--I'm slowly introducing the option to try something different on a Wednesday night (e.g., cast-iron roasted chicken). This seems to strike the right balance between routine and novelty for me in this season.

I'm thinking that when it's actually spring, I will have a mostly different meal plan (capsule?) for the week, and possibly with more free choice days. In the meantime, this has been serving us decently well.

P.S. Shockingly, we have been following our nmemonic breakfast schedule for five years (!!!), with only one change. On Tuesdays we have tater tots and scrambled eggs. 

February

Margaret of the What Fresh Hell podcast recently mentioned that her sister has a saying to never make big decisions in February. It's dark and dreary and it's not a good time to decide, "I need to open a bar in Puerto Rico," or "I think I'm gonna cut bangs" (oops!).

I hadn't heard that advice before, but I think it's spot-on. February has an energy that emerges after we've had a month to detox from the holidays, but before it's realistic to start thinking about our gardens again. 

However, deciding on a whim to have this door painted Unmellow Yellow was a Good February Decision.

I've survived this past January only by cooking the same booooring foods every week for weeks on end. (I just can't care. I won't always feel this way about cooking, but I probably will always feel this way in January. The more I fight it, the harder my struggle with depression.)

Then one day late in February, I wake up and think, hey, maybe, just maybe, I should/can cook something different today. 

Which is what happened two days ago with a beautiful roasted chicken.

Actually, to tell the truth, it began earlier with a I-Want-To-Eat-Lemon-Loaf-But-I-Can't-Bring-Myself-To-Make-It kind of energy. My mom had brought me a bunch of Meyer lemons and they had just been waiting to be turned into cake. Fortunately for me, my friend Bethany offered to help me make it so I didn't have to deal. 

(If you're wondering, it's the Silver Palate recipe; this is the first time I--er, Bethany--made the actual icing for it and it's so good.)

Within days of having that cake made and getting to eat it, I made a whole (!) roasted (!) chicken (!) for my family! The recipe was from Bon Appetit and called for a whole lemon, whole head of garlic, and 1/4 cup of butter. 

I'll put the recipe below because I switched up a few things, and also for your/my convenience because the recipe doesn't seem printable, and also why must one scroll back and forth from the steps to the amounts of the ingredients?!?! Admittedly, the pictures/videos(?) are good and helpful, so I recommend you read that first, but I will use my blog as future reference when I'm actually cooking this. 

I had started to draft this post in my head and then realized that I did this same exact thing (i.e., getting just a teesny bit excited about cooking) last year, in February. (Incidentally, from The Silver Palate, again. Haha, 1979 likes to call me every year in February.) I guess it's a thing. A "I Still Somewhat Like To Cook" thing. 

Anyhoo, if you too are needing a distraction from wanting to move to the equator or chop off all your hair, try this No-Fail Roasted Chicken with Lemon and Garlic.

Whole Roasted Chicken with Lemon and Garlic
adapted from Bon Appetit

1 whole chicken
4 t salt
black pepper
1 whole lemon
1 head garlic

Way ahead of time:

Make lemon cake so you can have lemons that have already been zested and are ready for this dish.

Ahead of time:

While you hands are Pre-Chicken Clean, cut a (or the aforementioned) lemon in half and remove any visible seeds. 

Then take a head of garlic and slice it in half, cross-wise. (Would this be considered "hamburger" style?)

Take out the chicken from fridge a couple hours before you want to cook. Fill a bowl with 4 teaspoons salt and a bunch of black pepper. (I might try some seasoned salt and/or oregano and smoked paprika next time.) 

Put chicken on a plate for marinating and make a 3"-long incision between the leg and breast, about until you hit the joint, exposing the leg. 

Then generously salt and pepper everywhere: inside the cavity, in between the leg and breast where you just cut, the breast and backbone sides, and under the wing. (I measure out a bowl ahead of time because it helps me make sure I use plenty of salt without getting chicken-hands on my salt and pepper things.)

You could pat the chicken dry during or before this process like BA tells you, but I'll be telling you to pat it dry later because the salt draws out more water.

Let chicken sit on the counter to dry brine. This (i.e., the salt and the time coming up to room temperature) helps ensure moist white meat.

About an hour before you'd like to eat:

Pre-heat oven to 425. Microwave 1/4 cup butter until melted. Then, transfer chicken, breast-side-up, to a cast iron skillet. Dry the chicken with paper towels, especially the side facing up. This helps get you a crisp skin.

Tuck both halves of lemon and garlic face down on pan. Pour melted butter all over the chicken.

Put in oven to roast about 45 minutes. When it's cooked, take it out and let rest in the pan for 10 minutes before serving. Serve with all the yummy pan juices; allow diners to squeeze extra lemon and fight over the roasted garlic pieces. 

--

Thank you, Elise and Maria!

A letter to my winter self

Dear Winter Lisa,

There will be a time when you will feel debilitated, like a stone has been tied around your waist and is pulling you under water.

What can we do to protect you from sinking, love? For starters, when you begin to feel this way, I want you to read this letter and remember that I see you. You’re probably feeling sad and struggling with how hard everything feels especially because you are usually a happy, jubilant, initiating human and right now you feel dull and stuck.

Sure, diet and exercise will help. But you need more than these things. Tell Peggy. Tell Bethany. Tell David and Diana. Increase your meds to 50 mg even if they make you feel “funny.” Go on all the flights you booked to San Jose, even if you think you don’t need to go. There is no medal for getting through winter without extra support.

These trips you take in the dead of winter are not meant to fix your feelings or help you “make meaning” out of winter; they are simply to keep you alive for Summer Lisa.

I’m guessing that what is the hardest is not the acceptance of the rain or the gloom but acceptance of how low your mood is. There is nothing wrong with you, even though you don’t “feel like yourself.” Please know that I accept you as you are right now, and that I love you.

You are worthy even when you struggle. Happiness is not perfection and perfection isn’t even what is being asked of you.

Hang in there, and I’ll see you next summer at the lake.

The meal your February needs

Mid-winter is such a struggle. My (cooking) life is the bare branches I will to develop buds by staring at it really hard. 

Tonight's dinner was one such bud that was a mercy. I decided it needing sharing right away, even with dark nighttime photos.

It's a meal that's got a high fanciness:effort ratio and I think it'll be just what you need. Apparently I'd been carrying around this recipe for 19 years without knowing it, because it's in the first cookbook I ever received, The Silver Palate. The gals at The Modern Proper updated the recipe and made it even easier and more accessible.

I'll keep this post short and just get to the recipe, which I highly recommend getting to this week, maybe for Valentine's?

No we don't usually have wine or light candles every night.

We served this with a delightful blush-colored Rosé (the kids loved their Mandarin orange seltzer water) and a steamed and buttered rutabaga. (Tip for the frequently-carded at the grocery store: toss some uncommon root veggies on the conveyor belt before your alcohol and see if they still think you're part of the under 21 crowd.)

Without further ado...

Sheet Pan Chicken Marbella
from The Modern Proper

4 lbs bone-in skin-on chicken thighs

Make a paste marinade by pulsing together:

1/2 cup pitted green (or black) olives
1/3 cup pitted prunes
1/4 olive oil
4 garlic cloves
2 T capers
1 t dried oregano
2 t salt
lots of freshly ground black pepper
1/4 cup white wine (I used sake)

Cover both sides of your chicken thighs with this marinade -- you can even do this directly on your sheet pan. Or you can do this ahead of time to let it marinate for longer (e.g., in a gallon-sized ziplock bag for an easy weeknight dinner).

When you're ready to bake it, preheat your oven to 400 F. Pour the following onto the pan:

1/3 cup white wine
1 cup chicken stock
1/3 cup olives, halved
1/3 chopped prunes (I omitted this because I only had enough for the puree, but I think it would be good)
1 T capers
1-2 T brown sugar (I was worried it would make it sweet, but it's the perfect balance for the wine; think Chicken Marsala)
salt + pepper

Bake for 30 minutes. (I checked it during the baking and needed to pour more stock.) Remove chicken onto your serving dish. Transfer the pan drippings to small saucepan and reduce if needed (I didn't). Whisk in 2 T cold butter. Pour sauce over the serving platter and garnish with 2 T minced parsley. Repeat the phrase "pan sauce" to your family over and over because you are so fancy.

Finally, finish this meal with a tiny dish of ice cream.

Gold for us, or, Brainless Crowdpleasers

As promised, here is our family's list of BCPs. Note that it includes some take-out, eat-out, and frozen options. It's not limited to just what we can prepare from scratch; it's a list of what we can have for dinner that should mostly please everyone at the table. A lot of them are similar - permutations of each other - and that's okay. In fact, that's part of why this works.

I didn't do the exact math, but I think it's about 75% Asian, the reason for which I expounded upon in my previous post.

This is close to the order in which I originally brainstormed them, so you'll see funny associations and a lot of things grouped together because one thing made me think of another.

Nice to know I had Noona's approval on my list

It seemed weird to write all of them out, but I think that's the beauty of it. Having this list is gold for us, even if it doesn't look like much to anyone else.

1. Pork egg omelette
2. Costco rotisserie chicken and rice
3. Spring rolls (usually with rotisserie chicken)
4. Rotisserie chicken pho
5. Bún bowls w/ rotisserie chicken or steak (are you sensing a pattern here? ;P)
6. Thit kho / braised pork belly (Viet-Chinese blend)
7. Kalbi
8. Bulgogi that my MIL marinates, freezes, and brings over
9. Fried pompano from Evergreen Market
10. Cabbage Patch Soup
11. Pizza, homemade
12. Pizza, from Costco
13. Oxtail soup with noodles or rice, or turned into pho with the addition of fish sauce and rice noodles (we love any of these options with kale boiled in the broth at the last minute and removed)
14. Pho Asia take out or eat-in
15. Xuxu (chayote) soup
16. Canh with ground pork meatballs and opo squash or cabbage
17. Hamburgers
18. Homemade Hamburger Helper (I modify this with oregano instead of rosemary, and with minced garlic; also I use a lot more pasta water, and don't always use the full amount of chicken stock)
19. Pasta with bulk Italian sausage, spinach, artichoke hearts, sun-dried tomatoes
20. Sheet pan chicken
21. Fried rice
22. Green bean and egg with rice
23. Dumplings (frozen), noodles, and vegetable in chicken broth
24. Cauliflower alfredo fettucine
25. Vietnamese chicken curry
26. Golden curry with chicken thighs
27. Sunday Night Stew
28. Pot roast
29. Corned beef and cabbage
30. Chile verde for tacos or rice bowls
31. BBQ beef brisket
32. Whole chicken soup with ginger and garlic
33. Chicken or pork meatball porridge with Chinese fried donut, cilantro/ginger/green onion
34. Ginger fried rice
35. Take-out sullungtang or soondubu
36. Ground pork sauce over thin spaghetti or Shandong noodles (I posted on something similar once, and have since learned a better marinade for the meat, so I might update that)
37. Ham and green beans
38. Ginger chicken - plain or with celery, bell pepper, or whatever other vegetable needs to be used up (a cross between Viet ga kho gung and Chinese ginger chicken)
39. Steamed spare ribs in black bean sauce
40. Yakisoba or japchae
41. Israeli couscous with chicken, zucchini, and tomato (I made this once with orzo and it was a hit, although also a confusing mind trip because orzo is rice-shaped.)
42. Spaghetti with the marinara on the side
43. Beef, vegetable, macaroni soup (like minestrone)

Pork egg omelette  (#1 on this list and for good reason) is my shorthand for what some may call coin-purse egg omelettes. This post on Woks of Life has good pictures of what they look like when you make them the "real" way - they really look like coin purses of egg filled with ground pork inside, and you can make them smaller to make them kid-sized. 

My mom made them this way growing up, but I do a simplified version that works for us, and is faster. It doesn't look nearly as pretty, hence the lack of pictures here, but it tastes the same to me.

You basically marinate ground pork in what my mom would call "the standard marinade" (the ingredients of which would remain a mystery to me until I got into my 30s - maybe she was waiting for me to reach Mom Status before she revealed to me these secrets??), saute the meat, then, pour beaten eggs over it.

I use my spatula to cut the "omelette" into fourths, and then carefully flip over each quarter and let them cook until set. You can add green onions if you're feeling fancy, and then serve over rice. 

This is a basic weeknight meal that usually goes over well with kids because it's not meat that requires intensive chewing. ;)

Pork Egg Omelette

Marinate 16-20 oz ground pork in salt (~1/2 t), a couple rounds of soy sauce, a swirl of sesame oil, 1-2 t corn starch, ~1/4 cup water, and couple of good shakes of ground white pepper. I usually mix this up with a fork.

Heat up a skillet over medium high heat. Add a swirl of oil, and brown all the meat. While the meat is browning, crack 3-4 eggs into a bowl, add a splash of water and beat with a fork. (Ultimately I will do this twice, so maybe you might just want to start with 6-8? For some reason, I do each batch separately.) I bet that a dash of shiaoxing wine in the egg mixture would be awesome.

When the meat is browned, remove half of it to a plate. Spread out the other half in the pan. Pour the beaten egg mixture (or half of it, if you've beat the full amount) over the ground pork and let cook until you think it's ready to cut into four pieces and flip them over. 

Repeat the process with the other half of the meat. Serve with green onions (which could have also gone into the egg), rice, and extra soy sauce for those who wish.

Emi's drawing of multi-colored fried eggs, with crocheted "chicky" on the side

--

I'll gradually work on adding more recipes for these BCPS, but feel free to comment if you'd like me to bump up a certain recipe in the queue. 

--

Also, this list seems heavily fall/winter influenced. I wonder if I'll add/update when spring and summer come around.

...which, at this rate, doesn't seem like will ever arrive.

But until then, we'll keep enjoying Kayla's snow cream (milk, sugar, and vanilla poured over snow).

Against the current

Lately I've been feeling fried and scattered and not in my groove.

It helps to be reminded that I have a one- and three-year-old who for some reason just don't get that my goal every day is to feel on top of things. I stay at home so I should be able to get tons of housework and cooking done on the regular, right?

But really, with two rapscallions who love to undo everything I do, sometimes I wonder why I even try.

I am trying to remember to "capture the moments" that make it "all worth it" - the snuggles, the funny things they say, and even the mischievous looks and grins.

However, that can be hard during days (or weeks) when the bright moments seem outweighed by the hard moments - constant crying that cannot be mitigated or reasoned with, broken glass from a frame knocked off the shelf, middle-of-the-night wake ups (from the 3yo and not the baby, mind you), and the pain I feel in my lower back and hips from so much carrying of these thirty-five and twenty-pound lovely lumps.

The weather is still fluctuating here in the Pacific Northwest and spring has not yet decided that it's ready to pull off its winter covers. I wish my mood weren't so determined by the pattern of the sun and the clouds, that I had the strength to push through the grey and get my kids (and myself) out on days that are gloomy and wet.

On those dark days, I feel as though I'm swimming against the current.

I wrote a list of things to make sure I'm staying on top of the bare minimum self-care items, but I feel the need for even more yet, and I'm not sure what I can do. Is it just restlessness from a long winter?

(Practically, I'd love a project, or a class, or someone to do something with. If anyone else is in this same boat of needing to do something with someone, like a book club or other project, please let me know!)

I was telling a friend yesterday how vulnerable it feels to be as extroverted as I am, to feel like my threshold for friendship and social interaction greatly exceeds the reality of my current situation.

Though I'm eager to find a solution to the inquietude and my frequent feelings of loneliness, sometimes I wonder if it's good just to name it, that longing and yearning for something more. Being a very pragmatic person, I have a hard time sitting still in unsettling situations. In my heart I know there can be more (more community, more depth). But perhaps my call right now is to find peace in the midst of circumstances that refuse to change and that are as stubborn as is this Seattle winter.

--

--

--

On a totally different note, here is a special peak into my W-E-I-R-D brain. We visited a different church last Sunday and when I was headed to the restroom, I passed a door that was labeled "Mop Room." Before I could help myself, my brain went to this random place. I wondered to myself, "What if, instead of being a 'Mop Room' it was actually the MOPS Room, and when you opened it, a bunch of Moms of Preschoolers popped up and yelled, 'Supplies!'"

I hope you're not too embarrassed to still be my friend.

Well worth the effort

Last week's menu was ambitious, but a couple of the meals turned out really well. 

The Vietnamese turmeric-dill salmon was awesome. I didn't do the sauteed vegetables on the side but we did bún bowls / spring rolls. I recommend the marinade and cooking method even just for having the salmon with rice. I had a pretty big filet, so I separated and removed the belly portion (which was thinner and thus cooked more quickly) when it was cooked and let the rest of it cook for longer. It isn't as pretty for presentation (or the blog, ha), but to have everything perfectly cooked was more important. The fish was buttery and moist.

In place of a picture of the salmon, here is some tempura shrimp Kathy made!

The other meal I really enjoyed was the Russian cabbage soup. I merged a bunch of recipes together and, even though it's a little counter-intuitive, I slow-cooked a roast the same day I made the soup. It felt awkward, because doing two lazy-in-theory meals in one day added up to a bunch of work. But the soup was delicious and in the end, well worth the effort.

I was prepared to add vinegar and sugar to give the sweet-and-sour taste I've had in Russian cabbage soups before, but the blended diced tomato (Kayla you are amazing) gave it the perfect brightness and sweetness it needed. I also added an extra can of tomato sauce but I think one or the other would be sufficient.

If you have leftover meat from a roast, or want to do this recipe with ground beef, I think those alternative methods would be great. It is, admittedly, a bit labor-intensive to do it the way I did.

Either way, I enjoyed experimenting this week and I will probably be making a borscht sometime soon to satisfy that perennial craving I have for all things sour.

Russian Cabbage Soup

the equivalent of one cooked beef roast, cubed. I used a ~2-3 lb bone roast that I salt-and-peppered-and-seared, then cooked in a crock pot with one beef bouillon cube and one cup of water.
1 onion, diced
1-2 carrots, diced
1-2 stalks celery, sliced, optional (I think I wouldn't put this in next time)
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 can tomato sauce and/or 1 can diced tomatoes, blended
1 head of cabbage, sliced
1-2 quarts chicken and/or beef stock (I prefer chicken stock if you have to use pre-made; beef stock can be tinny)
s+p
handful chopped dill
sour cream and chopped dill for garnish

Saute chopped onion in oil, then add carrots, celery, and garlic. Salt and pepper as you go. Add in tomato, cabbage, and chicken stock. Add cubed beef pieces, and any bones you might have. Adjust level of liquid so everything is covered. Bring to a boil, then lower and let simmer about 45 min to an hour. Stir in chopped dill (or leave entirely on the side if you have picky eaters) and serve with extra sour cream and dill.

Another random picture!



Sorry there are no pictures in reference to the food I talked about today!

And here's this week's menu:

mac 'n' cheese / excited to have sheet pan chicken again now that we have a working oven.

And always, please let me know what you're eating, especially for breakfasts and lunches (those meals are killing me slowly).

A few randoms

1. New guilty pleasure: Nashville. Connie Britton, singing, love triangles... um, swoon, basically. "No One Will Ever Love you" = so haunting I died.

2. Let's talk about meal planning for like the 50th time. I decided that not feeling ecstatic about having a set meal plan > stressing out about what we are having for dinner every day. I'm trying to think of it like Anne Lammott's shitty first drafts: my inner critic should not be criticizing until there is something to critique.

We are challenging dairy this week on the elimination diet, if you were wondering.

And if you didn't catch the post on sheet pan chicken, do it meow.

3. "Focus on being a verb, not a noun." This was referenced on the The Mom Hour podcast on radical self-care, and attributed to a poet who was on Liz Gilbert's Big Magic podcast. The poet was trying to tell an aspiring artist, "don't try to be a poet, just write poems." I really like that, and I think that is a good thing to tell myself. I don't need to try to be a blogger, I'm just going to focus on writing blog posts. Such an easy and freeing shift of perspective! 

4. Another good quote. "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." --Andre Gide

5. Related to #1, because I cannot get enough of Connie Britton, I am getting back into Friday Night Lights while working on a crochet project. So fun.

6. Green chocolate smoothies with mixed baby greens, rice + coconut milk, frozen banana, cocoa powder, medjool dates, and chia seeds.

Pro tip courtesy of my friend Karen: when you can't finish that box of baby greens from Costco (you know the one), freeze it so it's ready for smoothies.

7. I am not a nail polisher by any stretch of the imagination, but Kathy surprised me with this amazing bottle that looked good even when applied by someone with the nail-polishing skills of a 12-year-old boy (that's me). It gave me that my-nails-but-better look; I had no idea that what would look like a perfect neutral on me would appear so pink in the bottle. Consider me enlightened.

8. This red lentil soup. If Molly Wizenberg and Melissa Clark tell you to make something, you listen up. Follow every step, including blending half of the soup. (Though I have to admit, I held off on the salt until later because of my extreme fear of the lentils not softening. Kayla, you know what I'm talking about!)

monster trucks provided by Theo

Tell me what's up with you! Any inspiring quotes, good podcasts, satisfying meals, fun shows, tips/tricks, stupid stuff that makes you laugh?

A hard week

This has been a hard week. Hence, why I'm dragging myself here on a Friday, to finally write this week's post.

I've been in a funk, and (because?) my kids are going crazy. It's probably partly due to the weather: the darkness, and the cold keeping us in.

To give you an idea of how bad this week was, let me just say that I spent one whole nap-time Googling therapists and preschools. (The former for me, the latter for a certain almost-three-year-old, if you weren't clear.)

I had one of those days when I dreamed of being older and getting momnesia, being one of Those Moms.

I think it's even harder after a year of growth and realizations. Like, aren't I supposed to be a better person now? I've learned a little about self-compassion! I've been enlightened! I can live in the moment! I can be my own best friend?! Or even my own boss! And, when all else fails, "Plot twist!"

Sigh. The spirals of despair.

Anyway, I'm just going to try to keep showing up. Each and every damn day.

---

Kendra Adachi, of The Lazy Genius Collective, my newest blog/podcast love, asks these three questions of her podcast listeners at the end of every interview. I'll answer them for you and ask for you to reply with yours.

Something I love: The Road Back to You podcast. The production has improved significantly since its inception. I particularly enjoyed Reclaiming Hope (Nov 16) and How Do You Manage the Unrest in Your Soul (Nov 10).
Something I hate: Feeling overwhelmed by the aforementioned almost-three-year-old.
Something I need: Besides therapy and/or preschool, a vacation in a warm place or at least a heated swimming pool!

---

Other randoms:

• If you have smelly kitchen towels, despite any and all past efforts of washing in borax/vinegar/baking soda/etc. in the laundry machine, try: boiling them in 1/4-1/2 cup baking soda on your stove for 20-30 minutes. In addition to smelling so clean (i.e., not smelling like anything), my flour sacks are more absorbent now, too! You're welcome.
• If you need to watch the stupidest stupid thing ever, check this out. If it's not funny to you, just watch it again.
• My friend Jason said, "for someone who's not on Facebook, you sure like a lot of dumb videos." This is for having also insisted that we watch Christopher Walken's Googly Eyes video before dinner. (Is Walken a 6, needing to know where he stands with something?)
• I've signed up for a sort of continuation of the workshop I took this summer, called The Year of Creativity. If you're interested, I have a referral link that will get you 10% off and then $10 for me. 
• Instead of doing a full elimination diet just yet, I've tried cutting out gluten for Emilyn and me. So far it's making a big difference for Emilyn, and a questionable difference for me. 

Love. Hate. Need. Go!

Falling for wintery foods

(First of all, what?! Okay, that said...

...) I'm often disappointed with traditional beef stews, finding them too acidic or even tinny tasting, and not beefy enough to boot.

But there is one version that never fails, and that is Ree Drummond's Sunday Night Stew.

Her pictures are way more gorgeous, her sauce more deeply mahogany, probably because I use chicken stock where she uses beef.

My favorite part of this recipe is the turnips - different, but oh so good, a wonderful contrast texturally to the beef.

It also doesn't hurt that Ree serves the stew on top of mashed potatoes that have been whipped with a stick of butter and a carton of cream cheese.

I highly recommend that you allow your rule-following (at least when it comes to recipes) spouse to make the mashed potatoes so that he can use the full amount of fat and you don't have to see how much goes into it to make it so luscious and heavenly.

(And this is why we all willingly fork over our hard-earned paychecks to cafes and bakeries, so we don't have to see all the good bad stuff that goes into everything that tastes amazing.)

Bonus: Pro tip from my friend Kayla is to freeze spoonfuls of tomato paste (because you NEVER need a whole can and it ALWAYS goes to waste) on a sheet pan, par-freeze it, then transfer to a ziplock in the freezer so you always have little dollops of paste when needed. You're welcome.

---

Another meal we tried this week was Winter Albondigas Soup:

And finally...

• Reading 168 Hours by Laura Vanderkam. It's surprisingly provocative for me personally, enough so that I might need to do a book report (aka another post) on this. As a teaser, know that I have woken up at 5 a.m. (!) for the last two days and gone walking! (I took advantage of Daylights Savings Time to make this shift.)
• Enjoyed this post on 7 Steps to Internet Sanity
• Appreciated this follow-up article from Stephie to my question about cookbook club.
• Love this quote by Cyril Connolly: "Better to write for yourself and have no public than write for the public and have no self."

Everything I dreamed

I realize I haven't posted a recipe in quite some time. Obviously, we've still been eating. But I have to admit that cooking has somewhat slowed down what with having a baby, being fed recently by parents and in-laws, and getting a deep freezer.

But then the other day I discovered these magical (green) beans that I knew I needed to share.

When I first saw the recipe in February's Southern Living, I thought that it looked good enough to be clipped: simple, unique, and flavorful - exactly the kind of food I love to cook, and, of course, eat.



They turned out to be everything I dreamed they would be and more: crispy, salty, lemony, herby, addicting. Oddly enough, they reminded me of Chinese green beans - the kind that are fried until they are wrinkly - salty with soy sauce and slick with oil, in a good way. But these beans weren't greasy and they didn't have soy sauce; in fact, part of the appeal is that I can't quite put my finger why they taste the way they do.

Usually when I read a recipe, I imagine the taste in my mouth, adding layer by layer of flavor as I read through the steps and as each ingredient is added to the pot / pan / whatever. But this didn't taste like what I imagined it would and I still can't exactly explain how the science of this recipe makes for its outcome.

Anyway, all that to say... You should make these. They are like green bean fries. Kenny likes to pop them into his mouth and pretend he is showing off to his friends that he is eating a hot pepper, whole.

Fiery Green Beans
adapted from Southern Living

1 lb fresh green beans or haricot verts*
2 T olive oil
2 T fresh lemon juice
1 T chopped parsley
1 T chopped cilantro
1 green onion, sliced thinly
1 t dried crushed red pepper
kosher salt
freshly ground black pepper

Preheat oven to 375. Arrange green beans on single layer on a foil-lined baking sheet (I used my Silpat). Drizzle with olive oil; toss. Bake 10 minutes.

While beans are in the oven, mix together lemon juice with herbs and crushed pepper.

After 10 minutes of baking, increase oven temperature to broil, and raise the oven rack to the highest setting. Broil for 5-7 minutes until browned in spots. (SL says they will be "crisp-tender.")

Remove the beans and combine with lemon herb mixture. Season with salt and pepper and an additional drizzle of olive oil.

We served it with salmon (baked with marinated artichokes, red peppers, lemon, tomato, and green olives).


Aaaand, randoms:

• An article and comic on the "Seattle Freeze." Kinda sad I didn't know this before we moved here. 
• Did you know you can make popcorn in the microwave in a regular brown paper lunch bag? Apparently I am at least five years behind the times because this was written in 2010. Mind blown. 
• Our deep freezer has inspired me to do a better job with fridge and freezer inventories. (Elizabeth, I'm growing up! I'm learning to embrace leftovers!) I've started to work my own template which I can share if anyone is interested, but this cute drawing was too fun not to share.
• Before I found this recipe, this is how I used to make green beans. (Woah, when did NYTimes recipes change their look? I can't say I'm a fan.)

______________________

* Costco is a lovely place to get a 2 lb bag of haricot verts for a great price. I promise if you do this, you will make the first pound and then make the next pound the very next day. Or hour. 

Not supposed to

I've always loved eating "strange" food. I was that child who willingly ate - sometimes even requested - ginger, pig's feet, bitter melon, intestines. Even with stuff I wasn't sure about at first, like cilantro, I would keep eating it, because if it was something my mom liked - and she has great taste - I wanted to like it too.

(Fortunately for me, I married someone whose favorite bowl of pho contains ONLY TENDON.)

Sometime around late elementary or early middle school, our family went to a hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant in Sunnyvale, CA. We ordered menudo, and at that time, I don't think that my parents explained that we were eating tripe. Or it could have been that I didn't know what tripe was, anyway.

Either way, I distinctly remember having this feeling that I am enjoying something I am not supposed to like.

After recently sharing a bowl of birria (goat stew) with a friend at a tortilleria that also serves menudo, I was inspired to try making it myself.

I had trouble finding a recipe that looked solid at first glance. After all, most abuelitas aren't sitting around blogging; they are making tamales. So I had to read a variety of sites, gleaning the best aspects of each and trying to figure out the overall concept of what makes menudo menudo.

Fortunately for us, it turned out well. Piping hot, spicy, and flavorful, we enjoyed bowl after bowl with fresh corn tortillas from the tortilleria where I originally had the birria. As we scooped minced onion and cilantro into our bowls and squeezed in limes, we laughed and called it Mexican pho.

(Now you have make this, right?)

So, if you are so bold, I heartily recommend this to you.


Menudo, or "Mexican pho"
loosely adapted from The Domestic Man

Using a pressure cooker is a great way to make this happen faster, but of course if you don't have one, just use a regular pot or dutch oven, and plan for it to take a whole afternoon. Better yet, make it the night before and let the flavors marry.

3-4 lbs beef marrow bones (some recipes combine beef bones with pork neckbones)
1 lb honeycomb tripe, cut into 1" pieces (you can definitely use a lot more, but it is surprisingly expensive considering they are innards!)
4-5 dried guajillo peppers*
1 1/2 white onion, divided (one chopped into large pieces; half diced for garnish)
4 cloves garlic
1-2 cans white hominy, drained
1 T oregano, Mexican preferred, plus more for serving
cilantro, minced, for garnish
lime, for garnish

Bring beef bones to a boil in a large pot. Let boil for about 10 minutes, skimming off any fat and scum that rises to the surface. Then cover and simmer for 2-3 hours, or 45 minutes if using a pressure cooker.

Add tripe and cook for another hour or two (less with a pressure cooker).

While the meat is cooking, destem the peppers and cover with about half a cup of boiling water. Let stand for 30 minutes to soften. Then blend with the chopped onion and garlic.

Add chile sauce and oregano and continue to simmer. (You can also add the cilantro stems, but be sure to fish them out before serving.) About an hour before serving, add drained hominy and simmer. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Serve with warmed corn tortillas, cilantro, onion, and lime.

We had some shredded cabbage from tacos so we threw it in the soup as well. Not as essential (like the cilantro/onion/lime is) but it helps bulk it up and add some greens. (Stephie, if you slice up your tortillas into "noodles", you will essentially have Mexican jjampong!)

_____________________________
* I had previously been intimidated** about cooking authentic Mexican because of all the different kind of chiles, but I decided to be an adult and learn a little bit. I'm sure there's a million other sources for this kind of information, but after simply reading this one post, I felt quite a bit more sure of myself. Guajillos are fruity, and mild: in fact they were so mild, that I had to add more chiles - including a chipotle - to get more of that spicy flavor I was going for. I really think you could use any combination of chiles for a great flavor, but if you already know you want it mild, start with guajillos.

** Now that I know EVERYTHING ABOUT MEXICAN COOKING my family is going to be stuck eating it for a week straight.*** The last time I went crazy like this was after we visited Little Saigon in San Jose. For a week our house was filled with grilled meats, spring rolls, egg custard, pandan waffles... you get the drift. This time I think I'm going to try pozole, caldo de pollo and probably a lot of these recipes.

*** I already have all the Mexican cookbooks they carry at the library on hold. This train has left the station..