A bit of both

Hi!

When I start to slip off the blogging bandwagon sometimes it's hard to tell if it's because I'm feeling bummed about life or if it's because I've been busy trying to make a great life.

Lately it's been a bit of both.

This (and having my sister-in-law close by) saved me last week during the Week From Hell. (Alex, Wednesday night was the highlight of my week (maybe year haha!), but somehow it made Thursday and Friday just that much more unbearable!)

I could use a Vacation from my Problems!

But my Real Life is also pretty sweet.

And here are some random paradoxes/tensions I've been thinking about lately:

accuracy vs. precision
self-hood vs. community
submission vs. autonomy
being like everyone vs. being unique
feeling content vs. striving for improvement
grief vs. gratitude/pleasure
being conservative vs. having an abundance mentality
feeling hopeful vs. being realistic

Finally, interesting article and cute item.

And also, I need this. But not at that price. It's not OK.

Speaking of

[Alternate title: 15 things on the 15th, (More than) a few randoms]

1. What we're eating this week:

bún / sunday night stew

2. A favorite meal from last week: Chinese-inspired beef and pork bone soup with lotus root, shiitake mushroom, goji berries, and red dates. I didn't expect at this point in my life to be cooking Asian food 80-90% of the time (and of that, mostly Chinese/Vietnamese, sorry David!), but it's one of those things where I've learned that there's way less drama at the table when we eat these foods. It's weird because I don't feel like I technically even know how to cook Asian food. (I learned it by eating, and when I learned to cook I didn't learn Asian food.) When I do feel in flow, it's cool to know that it's somehow just in my blood and also in my brain, the repetition of it hitting my taste buds on an almost-daily basis for 18 years (my mom is an amazing cook, of all different cuisines, too). I still have a LOT to learn.

3. Speaking of mothers, and in light of Mother's Day last weekend, I found something I made twenty years ago.

When I called her to show her, she laughed and said, "Why do you have this and not me?"

4. Re-reading To Kill a Mockingbird... 'nuff said.

5. My pattern of thin slices of joy is: time with people, sunshine, good food/drink, thifting, good conversation.

5b. We had a picnic on the deck this Saturday and we realized our meals are especially happy when they are a hybrid between take-out and home-made. This was pizza and steak, and the day before we brought over take-out roast duck and chicken wings with home-made cabbage, salad, and rice to a family's move.

Not pictured: me taking the photo, Theo searching for worms 

6. Speaking of slimy things, I've successfully brewed my first really good batch of kombucha. Let a sista know if you'd like a SCOBY!

7. This simple matchstick solution has been bringing me disproportionate amounts of joy. I've made three or four of them already out of old votive holders or baby food jars and I can't get over how amazing it is.

We have been loving candles here... I don't know why it took me so long to realize that candles can take a day from gloomy to cozy! Tip: TJMaxx seems to have a great selection and for cheap.

8. Speaking of making the storage of things look pretty, I've been trying to do a lot of that in the house lately. Last-year-me dismissed the Nate Berkuss method of taking the labels off of things, but this-year-me is all about this. A friend was telling me about a family member who will only accept wooden toys in her house, which led her to call them, jokingly, "high-end granola." I laughed, but then later I was, like, that's what I want to be! (Insert thinking emoji.) When I told David that story, he said, "granola is expensive!" Indeed, it is.

9. Speaking of granola, I need to make a batch. Molly's No. 5 is the best, but I need to leave out nuts for the baby, so I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do yet. Even if I hadn't mention #8 above, I've been thinking about granola and other breakfast items because I need more breakfast ideas. I've been avoiding eggs and also nuts, so my protein choices feel limited. We've been eating more sausage for breakfast but I need a little more variety so I've been thinking about prepping grain bowls (like this) or other savory meals (like this) that I can have in the AM - essentially, eating lunch or dinner for breakfast. If anyone has ideas for non-sweet breakfasts that don't involve eggs, I'm all ears!

10. Speaking of oats, have you ever had baked oatmeal? It was better than expected. One person called it the bread pudding of oatmeal, and I know not everyone likes bread pudding, but thinking about it that way made me like this even more.

11. An inspiring typography video of Ira Glass that could be applied to any creative endeavor / learning curve.

12. Princess Kate + vulnerability + social media + mental health awareness

13. A sweet home tour of a blogger I've been following for a while.

14. Speaking of homes, I'm taking The Nester's decorating class right now and my head is buzzing with ideas. It's hard to slow down and know that this just takes time.

15. David and I had a great conversation about rest, quality over quantity, spiritual wealth, and contentedness. What rhythms help you (and your families, if applicable) balance achievement and rest?

A few randoms, II

I am so ready for the weather to be anything other than what it is now. The rain, snow, hail, and cold are getting to be quite tiresome. 

This past Monday afternoon, Theo pointed out the window and shouted, "Appa! I found the blueness!" He was referring to the first patch of brightness we'd seen for a while. 

Hashtag Seattle kid.

I have zero motivation to write anything, so I figure it is a good day for dumping all the stuff I've been collecting.

It's cool to see people continue to talk about reading goals more than two months after the new year. Is it just me or are a lot of people talking about how they want to read more?

Related to that, I think David came up with this helpful motivation to read more: the number of pages you read per day is roughly equivalent to the number of books you'll finish in a year. (This is based on the assumption that a book is 365 pages long, and most books are less than that. So you actually read more.) Isn't that amazing?

I loved this article on giving your (older) kids a way out.

This post made me think about the difference between self-care and "me time."

Pre-ordered and am so excited for one of my favorite blogger's first book!

Crushing on these cute earrings.

I've been doing something lately (most often in my morning pages) called "writing to my intuition". At first, it seemed kinda woo-woo to me, but I've gotten over it and have found it super helpful. I stumbled on the concept through Jess Lively (you can also read a powerful letter re: world events / news in the show notes of this episode, you don't have to listen to the podcast). My default mode is to operate from fear, striving, and anxiety. This exercise helps me (re-)parent myself from a place of faith, maturity, and peace. The message I need to hear over and over again is "all is well" or that "all will be well." I'm not ready to share examples on the blog yet but if you're curious, you can email me and I can share it with you. This is also a good reference of questions to ask when you're feeling stuck.

A beautifully written essay on motherhood.

Pickles! The Koreans and Taiwanese are all over this already, but I'm always excited when I remember how easy and delicious it is to use pickles in your food. I love kimchi but dislike the way it stinks up the fridge. Enter: regular ol' pickles. (Kosher/dill always. Never bread and butter.)

Eating these pickles with my breakfast sausage one morning reminded me of Taiwanese ground pork sauce with pickles and inspired me to make some with rice noodles earlier this week. Chinese peasant food for the win!

I didn't use a recipe but just made it up as I went. It turned out great and we devoured it. I know 16 oz of rice noodles looks like a lot (and side bar: this is totally what I think is weird about so many pad thai recipes that talk about only using like 4 oz of rice noodles. Huh?!) but this is so good that you'll want to make that much.

Ground pork sauce with pickles over rice noodles

1 16 oz package dried rice noodles (I used banh pho noodles)
1 lb ground pork (ground beef would be okay too)

2-3 gloves garlic, minced

1 T red miso paste

2-3 T soy sauce

1-2 cups chicken broth 

1 T corn starch, or 1/2 T potato starch, dissolved in a couple tablespoons of water

1/3 cup chopped pickles

chopped green onions

sesame oil, shaoxing wine, and white pepper to taste

Soak rice noodles in a pan of cold water. 

Heat up 1 T oil in a wok, then add garlic, ground pork, and miso paste. Stir fry until pork is mostly cooked. Add 1.5 cup chicken broth and soy sauce. Pour in starch slurry and bring to a boil to make gravy, and add more chicken broth if desired. Add a little shaoxing wine and/or sesame oil (both optional). White pepper is probably not optional.

Keep the sauce warm on low and bring your noodles to a boil. When they are almost done, drain them and add to the sauce. Add more broth if needed (we like it brothy, but it's totally personal choice), stir in green onions and pickles (or serve on side), and serve with extra white pepper. Picked jalepenos or thai chiles are also recommended here.

We had soup with mustard greens on the side, but if you wanted to put a green in the noodles, I'd recommend baby spinach wilted in the gravy before you add the noodles.

A few randoms

1. New guilty pleasure: Nashville. Connie Britton, singing, love triangles... um, swoon, basically. "No One Will Ever Love you" = so haunting I died.

2. Let's talk about meal planning for like the 50th time. I decided that not feeling ecstatic about having a set meal plan > stressing out about what we are having for dinner every day. I'm trying to think of it like Anne Lammott's shitty first drafts: my inner critic should not be criticizing until there is something to critique.

We are challenging dairy this week on the elimination diet, if you were wondering.

And if you didn't catch the post on sheet pan chicken, do it meow.

3. "Focus on being a verb, not a noun." This was referenced on the The Mom Hour podcast on radical self-care, and attributed to a poet who was on Liz Gilbert's Big Magic podcast. The poet was trying to tell an aspiring artist, "don't try to be a poet, just write poems." I really like that, and I think that is a good thing to tell myself. I don't need to try to be a blogger, I'm just going to focus on writing blog posts. Such an easy and freeing shift of perspective! 

4. Another good quote. "One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time." --Andre Gide

5. Related to #1, because I cannot get enough of Connie Britton, I am getting back into Friday Night Lights while working on a crochet project. So fun.

6. Green chocolate smoothies with mixed baby greens, rice + coconut milk, frozen banana, cocoa powder, medjool dates, and chia seeds.

Pro tip courtesy of my friend Karen: when you can't finish that box of baby greens from Costco (you know the one), freeze it so it's ready for smoothies.

7. I am not a nail polisher by any stretch of the imagination, but Kathy surprised me with this amazing bottle that looked good even when applied by someone with the nail-polishing skills of a 12-year-old boy (that's me). It gave me that my-nails-but-better look; I had no idea that what would look like a perfect neutral on me would appear so pink in the bottle. Consider me enlightened.

8. This red lentil soup. If Molly Wizenberg and Melissa Clark tell you to make something, you listen up. Follow every step, including blending half of the soup. (Though I have to admit, I held off on the salt until later because of my extreme fear of the lentils not softening. Kayla, you know what I'm talking about!)

monster trucks provided by Theo

Tell me what's up with you! Any inspiring quotes, good podcasts, satisfying meals, fun shows, tips/tricks, stupid stuff that makes you laugh?

Meta footnote be with you

(With a title like that - so sorry - be prepared for a super stream-of-consciousness post.)

Yeesh, lots of things going on in my mind these days and I am way behind on updates - Christmas, New Years, two birthday, etc.

I have been wavering* about setting up a so-called "editorial calendar" or posting schedule, but I think it could really help me approach my blog with less fear.

[*Lisa footnote: the other day I was journalling about how I am lacking structure in life but that the reason I wasn't putting it into place was because I was fearing that I was idolizing it. And yet because God made me this way, maybe that fear message was really from the Enemy. And then I realized one of the labels for my Enneagram type is "Devil's Advocate." (!) Talk about mind-blowing. And then today when I was reading Healing The Purpose of Your Life by the beloved Linns of Sleeping with Bread, they discussed how "one clue to our sealed orders will often be what we like least about ourselves" (65). I wrote in the margin, "my ability to see both sides in every situation, when taken to an extreme, leads me to paralysis / without a guiding center."**]

[**meta-footnote: this is what happens to me when I go a long time without externally processing. I go crazy!]

So. Where does this leave us? I see both sides to the situation:

1. Having a schedule allows me to write without having to think about what I'm going to write about; the topics will have already been decided.

2. Having a schedule may limit what I can write about, and might also prevent me from thinking creatively about other things beyond the plan. Also, it feels like doing what Everyone Else does.

Writing this out, I feel that the cons are somewhat lame: they are my excuse for not wanting to do this, they are what help me feel like I am taking a risk.

I think what I am discovering about myself is that what feels like no big deal to most people feels like A Very Big Deal to me.

***

One benefit of having a schedule will be less of the "random" posts where I lump 2349083284723 different types of information into one post. But until I get to this schedule, bear with me while I dump: (This is supposedly done for your benefit but also so I can close the 2349083284723 tabs open in my browser currently.)

• I loved this article on longing and limits. 
• An interesting, if not provocative, essay entitled "Is Parenthood the Enemy of Creative Work?"
• Currently making my first ever batch of kombucha!
• Okay, this is totally not me, but when I saw this my heart stopped for a second.
• Sometimes doing the most important thing on my list for the day first, even if it seems very minor and certainly not urgent (and thus it doesn't seem prioritized based on schedule optimization), can make a tremendous difference in the flow of my day.
• After listening to the Liturgists talk about meditation, I have been trying to incorporate some (you'd probably call it secular) meditation practice into my life lately. I've been doing it almost every day for over two weeks now and I think it is making a huge improvement in my stress, anxiety, and depression. I think it is also helping me have more patience with others and myself. Insert thumbs up emoji.
• Do you Bullet Journal? (Kendra has the best introduction if you need one.) I have avoided jumping on the bandwagon, despite its seeming similarities to the Moleskine hack for GTD that has worked for me so well for almost 10 years now, and which I keep going back to despite attempts at other planners/life management tools. I am wondering if it will help with my currently-very-scattered brain.
• Related: I finally bought a cheap notebook (ironic because you're probably supposed to use something cheap you have laying around the house that you don't care about, but I #konmari'd those) to do Morning Pages. I found Chris Winfield's article on it through Google today and it finally sold me on it. 
• Also related: when I read this article on the Pomodoro method of productivity on Lifehacker, I thought it was a joke / April Fools' hoax. That was last week. Then today, when clicking around on Chris Winfield's site after discovering him today, I was quite convinced of the benefit of the tool, even if it's just used as a nmemonic device, a way of reminding yourself to mono-task, and to do so for a certain amount of time. I don't have a traditional job, and I don't quite have the freedom to work in eight 25-minute shifts of work every day, but I have (usually) some moments of time to myself every day that are pretty regular (during naps, and independent playtime) that I can use to focus on specific tasks for a set amount of time. Today I made sure to not browse during naps (in general, I'm trying to not do anything while the kids are asleep that I can do while they are awake, such as cleaning, etc.). I got some reading, writing, and thinking done, AND I cleaned up the garage for 21 minutes (I set timers for 8, 7, then 6 minutes). I got a LOT done in less than one hour.
• (Back to the Bullet Journal, one final time. Because it's because I've used a makeshift BuJo for four days that I can even remember some of these randoms to tell you. The Bullet Journal centralizes things that we tend to think are more compartmentalizable. It messes with me and also jives with me. This must be related to the pendulum swing of my mind.)

Okay well I hope I didn't lose my small readership with all that cuh-RAziness! I hope to bring you some more order and structure, but that if I don't do that any time soon, please show me some grace. Thanks everyone!

09. Undone

Part of me wants to more closely examine what is sustaining this recent influx of creative energy, but the other part is embarrassed about what it's (I'm?) most likely going to find, because it's most likely The Internets. Like, really? So lame.

I guess this is really a humble brag. Because I am such an ideation and input person, I'd chosen for the longest time to resist/minimize technology lest it overtake my life. Also, six years ago when we first moved to a new city, I thought that instead of spending time on technology I would actually go and MEET PEOPLE, what a novel concept. That really didn't work so well. I don't know if it's me or the city but it's still hard to make friends here.

Surprisingly (that's a euphemism for depressingly), in recent months of dipping my toes into the waters of the aforementioned internets, I've found a lot of interesting and energizing ideas. Nursing has provided me hours of inspiration through e-books or Instagram, and I've been consuming podcasts and audiobooks while cleaning/folding laundry/walking. I have yet to be swept up into the ocean, although there are moments I still fear drowning.

(Sidebar: I recently heard two (and two is therefore ALL) super creative people mention that they love the internet because they are introverts and it allows them to feel connected without having to do it in person. I cocked my head in confusion when I heard that. I'm here on the other side as an extrovert saying, ohmygoodnesspleasebemyfriendi'llmakeyouanythingyouwanttoeatandwecanhangoutforever and youshouldprobablybringyourtoothbrushsoyoucanspendthenight and no one wants to be my friend! Okay, maybe not no one but sometimes it really feels that way. I sincerely apologize to the many people currently in my life who are being super gracious with me and extending friendship to me. End mini-rant.)

(And also. I should have made an analogy in my other post about wanting to gather/survey all the non-Facebookers. Instead of "Introverts unite! Separately, in your own home", I need something like, "non-Facebookers, come connect with me... on Xanga?")

I don't know what I'm trying to say here... Maybe that I'm disappointed that I initially chose to minimize engagement with and reliance upon technology in pursuit of Greater Fulfillment, but that in this point of my life, the internet seems to be a great tool in helping me achieve my goals?

Part of why I made a project out of blogging is not because I'm an introvert (I'm not) and I need to hide behind my computer but because I'm an external processor and I need to get my thoughts and feelings out so that I can feel normal. (And because David doesn't have all day to listen to be ramble, and because Kathy is going to hit me over the head if I mention the word "creativity" one more time.)

***

I'm thinking about the relationship between discipline and freedom (and my mind drifts back to Richard Foster, ah). Today I randomly recalled a quote I heard on a podcast episode where Robin Long shared one of her mantras, "Do the thing you need to do, to feel the way you want to feel." I love that; I think it encapsulates adulthood, which I'm finally starting to own (good thing, bad thing?), in the best sense. Yes, adults have to do lots of hard things, things we may not feel like doing. But adults have the power and freedom to pursue their own joy and happiness, too. Now if only I could figure out 1) what I need to do, and 2) how I want to feel. #youngersibling #enneagram6

So that's what I'm thinking about today, as I process and express myself like an angsty teenager would.

***

Also, currently: reading The Fault in Our Stars and listening to The Art of Non-Conformity.

Aaand, two diagrams that writing this post made me think of doing: 1) listing all the forms of communication/connection I prefer and in what order; 2) making a matrix of all my friends, local and long-distance, with their levels of introversion-extraversion and other personality traits.

So... leave a comment and sign off with your Myers-Briggs for me?



Housekeeping note: I started this post yesterday and am finishing today. I'm going to give myself grace and not make up an extra post. (Plus, the fact that I jumped around to a million different topics should count for something, right?) I think I will just keep plugging along until I've done 20 posts, somewhat following the month-long minus the weekends rule that I set up for myself in the beginning.

Do I contradict myself?

Very well then I contradict myself,

(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

--Walt Whitman

... 

(That ellipses there is supposed to signify that what comes after this parenthetical is like the secret track when you let your CD keep playing. Remember those?)

Okay, I really need to hit Publish, but I just found this: have you heard of quietism before?

08. Done

Eep! I almost forgot to post. I'm going to cheat and you're just going to get some platitudes today (as though you haven't been getting them before?).

1. You can't put a price tag on sanity. (This is an addendum to yesterday's post.)
2. Done is better than good.

And now, to quote the magnificent* Ali Wong, "I don't want to 'lean in'; I just want to lay down."

Goodnight! and Gilmore Guys podcast!

_________________
* She is definitely a little (a lot) vulgar and uncouth for my taste, but I loved a lot of what she had to say. View at your own discretion?