An open letter from Post-Holiday Lisa

January 14, 2022

Dear October Lisa,

I am writing you before I forget how challenging this past holiday season was, in hopes I can help you prevent some of the mistakes I made. “Mistakes” feels a little harsh; you truly did your best and had already implemented all you already knew to implement from holidays past. Please receive this as me gently encouraging you to be kind to yourself as you enter this season.

October 2019

In a month or so, you'll be hitting the crazy that is the holidays. The on-ramp is the same that most families face; however, instead of being able to put your feet up on December 26th, you'll be staring down the barrel of Theo and Emi’s birthdays at the time of year when there is the least daylight. You'll know in your brain that it's only a week away, but because the calendar stops of December 31st, it is literally a year away. 

I hope that by the time you are reading this, you’re already a month into the new academic calendar system you’ve planned to adopt this fall. Why not use the energy of summer to launch you into a new year, and be fully in the swing of things instead of wondering why December 26-31 even exists?

This is also a good time to order Amy Knapp’s Big Grid calendar that you’ve used for 9 out of the past 10 years. That one time you waited until March was really dumb. 

(Though I must admit that the farmer’s market-themed calendar from Dollar Tree had surprisingly cute graphics, there wasn’t nearly enough room to write anything useful on its squares.) 

I know it will feel weird to start a new calendar when there are three perfectly good months left in the old one, but I promise you, on December 26th you will really appreciate this foresight.

Alright, the first thing I want to say is this: congratulations on surviving another back-to-school. You’ve had four of these, but the first three were pretty traumatic, what with a new kindergartener and then COVID-19 and who even knows how this one is going to have been. (Tenses are really confusing when I’m writing now to my future self about the future past.)

It seems like back-to-school shouldn’t be so hard. September is the best month! It’s your birthday month! It’s summer and autumn all in one month! Pumpkin spice everything! And yet. 

The kids - and let’s face it, you - tend to resist the loss of freedom (and time at the lake) as we transition from summer to fall. While new classes, friends, and teachers are all fun, it feels like the routine of school brings to light all that is not rhythmic at home: when to have dinner, for example, feels super wonky after all those long sunny evenings when we take hot dogs to the lake.

There seems to be stuff everywhere: goggles and swimsuits and sand and also leaves. You keep raking and yet the leaves keep falling. By the time you wait for the last bunch to fall, a series of rainstorms waterlogs it all. 

In a couple weeks you’re going to start feeling settled and like you’re really ready to tackle Christmas, like you’ve really got it this year. You’re going ace it.

Bless your heart, October Lisa. Let’s just try to make a teeny tiny bit of progress this year. 

Because your heart is to serve the people you love, remember that when you try to build things big and inevitably get overwhelmed, the people you love end up having to help you recover. Thankfully, they are there for you and are happy to help you, but I think they would rather you just didn’t overwhelm yourself in the first place. Sooooo, let’s keep all that in mind as we start to paint a vision for this holiday season.

I have some Big Picture Thoughts for you, but I'm going to start with some practical stuff because I know you are impatient to get started.

· If you’re feeling like doing gifts (you probably are despite what you might tell everyone else), here’s how I want you to go about it. First, please make sure you buy and wrap Theo and Emi’s birthday gifts in “birthday paper” (as Linda Schell affectionately calls it). Get it from the dollar store (the paper, not the gifts). It might be weird, but I suspect you’ll feel strangely accomplished, and more importantly, hopefully guilt-free as you start getting weary of Christmas shopping/planning/doing and running out of steam. Use “Christmas Energy” to complete Birthday Tasks.

· Get out your aqua notebook (I really hope I put this somewhere you can find it next year). Keep a few pages blank for Thanksgiving and then start a gift ideas page. Also use this to keep notes on everything that is working and not working. And you'll use it for your gift matrix (see below).

· Buy Christmas wrapping paper from Dollar Tree. Assign one type to each kiddo. (Using up last year’s coding is great, too.)

· Wrap as you go (before the dopamine from shopping wears off!). This one is big.

· You’ll probably feel like being creative with community helpers but there’s really no need, especially if that paralyzes you from doing anything. See what you did last year, and do it again. November is a totally appropriate time to do it, and remember, when you “turn things in early,” the grading is gentler. You have leftover Christmas cards you like in the craft cabinet. Use those for cash gifts.

· Halloween was a really fun time to start on a lot of this stuff. This year you can try out earlier if you wish. I don’t think you’ll regret it.

· Limit locations that you shop at; it will simplify keeping track and making returns.

· Play cozy jazz and holiday movies while wrapping (and even while not). Re-read Laura Weir’s Cosy. Buy it for yourself if you haven’t already. Re-watch Little Women (the 1994 version that “ruined Batman” for Kathy).

· Take October to quiet the kiddos’ spaces (rooms and playroom, and living room, and garage, oh geez), changing out clothes, finally putting away swim stuff (sigh, yes), and donating lots of things. (In each room, put like-with-like and have three garbage bags: trash/donate/"orphans".)

· I want to recommend something outlandish to you this year. It’s just an experiment, not a new definite tradition. Try giving your gifts to Kathy, Theo, Emi, and Cori on the last day of school (i.e., Friday) before winter break. This allows you to demarcate between the end of school and the beginning of winter break. You love that feeling of being done with assignments and get super anxious until fixed, major events/performances are over, so this should relieve some of the pressure. Rather than being subjected to the varying (from year to year) number of days between that Friday and when the 25th is, you pre-empt (a euphemism for "control", heh) the bedlam this way.

· Then you can use Saturday and Sunday to recuperate. However, as anxious as you are to put away the tree, let’s try to keep it up at least until the evening of the 25th. (David will thank you.) This year Christmas is on a Sunday, so you can ask David to help you put it away that evening. [That sounds a little shocking as I'm editing this in October now, so perhaps consider having Bethany to come on Monday to help you put it away.] The tree is a weird and wonky distraction for you, and you will feel immense relief when it is put away.

· Ask David to take off the Friday before break and as many days of winter break as possible. Get help with laundry and cooking. You are wearing a million hats now; especially now that it’s break, you’re teacher, janitor, principal, paraeducator, art specialist, IT support, chef, and more). You really can’t do it all. Instead of trying to make the magic, create space to receive the magic.

· Remember to go outside during daylight hours. Your morning walks are now during the dark, and you need sunlight. Take three laps (what Cori calls "Tic Tac Walks") around the outside of the house. Every lap counts.

· Take Zen, especially in the afternoons. Keep in close contact with Dr. Gordon and Sara.

· When you are feeling overwhelmed, step outside for a minute, then come inside and do a pen-and-paper brain dump. Remember that this is a normal time to feel overwhelmed. Even if you’re doing everything you can to anticipate and minimize the stress, expect it to happen. The last thing you need is to beat yourself up for not perfectly preventing every disappointment. Remember that it’s okay to cry; it doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you’re giving up. It’s normal to struggle.

Finally, January 1st will probably not feel like “New Year’s Day” to you. It’s the dead of winter, you have kids’ birthdays coming up (hopefully you’re feeling less guilty this year), it’s probably super cold outside, and your energy is at its lowest, plus you’re taxed from holiday stress, which we’ve tried to minimize, but won’t ever be perfected. 

It’s okay to feel hollow, exhausted, ready for the kids to go back to school. You’ll get back your energy. It may not be by later in January, or even by May. But you will get it back. For now, pat yourself on the back for surviving December. Whew, that was a tough one! 

Your family is intact and that’s all that truly matters. Now: keep your house that way, too, by resisting the temptation to burn it all down.

I love you. You're doing great. You've got this!

Yours,

The Ghost of Lisa of Christmases Past

Fall Dinner Queue

Here is our Fall Dinner Queue, a list of meals for us to pick from when planning out the week's meals. I used Kendra's Decide Once principle to choose the veggie that goes along with each main so it doesn't have to be something we have to come up with each time. 

Comment below with your favorite fall crowd pleasers! 

Asian-ish

• pork egg omelette + cauli
• chicken pho + broccoli
• beef pho + kale
• thit kho + mustard greens
• xuxu soup
• butter chicken + cauli
• viet coconut curry
• spring rolls (shrimp, cha lua, or chk) / bun bowls (rotisserie chk or bulgogi)
• baked salmon + green beans
• baked kalbi chicken + salad
• bulgogi + kale
• mapo tofu + cauli
• hainanese chicken + cuke
• oxtail soup + kale
• kalua pork + cabbage
• larb
• bo kho
• seaweed soup w/ ground beef
• pork shrimp meaballs
• tilapia with ginger, green onions, cilantro
• peruvian steak

American

• cabbage patch soup
• spaghetti
• ham + beans
• burgers
• sheet pan chicken
• Sunday Night Stew
• pork chops + kale
• baked potatoes + broccoli
• nachos
• brussels sprouts fettucine (I can't find the link; I could have sworn it was on Orangette...)
• Sultze meatloaf + broccoli
• quiche + salad

Stupid easy

• take-out fried chicken (Heaven Sent does GF!) and coleslaw
• Pho Asia
• Costco rotisserie chicken + salad kit
• sandwiches + chips
• frozen pizza

Asterisk

pursed lips

poised to disperse

a thousand star-tipped

seeds

she asks me,

"did you know

that if you ask

for more whooshes [wishes]

you'll definitely

get it?"

Waiting

in my selfishness
i'd rather be

startled by

Spring's arrival--

wondering

how the bush,

barren yesterday,

is suddenly saturated

today

with blooms.

but

this year

i must wait

patiently

like a gracious host

(imagine me in a cell phone waiting lot)

i hope to be here

when my guests arrive

“I am mortal, impermanent, imperfect, scared, often uptight and even petty, but wow, what a beautiful sunset.” —Anne Lamott, Almost Everything

Weekly layout

The other day, I mentioned a bullet journal weekly spread I created and have been using for (more than) a couple weeks. Here are some random reflections about it:

• A lot of planners on the market have horizontal (?) spreads where the days are stacked on top of each other rather than side-by-side. I really appreciate a layout that matches roughly how I visualize a week, somewhat like a week that has been cut out of a monthly calendar.
• Admittedly, I'm a huge opponent of monthly calendars beginning with Mondays. However, for a weekly spread, this is working out just fine. The Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend being on the same page works out nicely, and splitting the last column allows six columns to divide nicely onto two pages.
• The vertical layout also is a good shape if I want to think of each day from morning to night. I can interweave appointments and todo items roughly when they occur (or might best occur) during the day. (This is the concept of the "Stubby Todo List"--a short todo list of the things you actually need to complete in that day, as opposed to the infinite running todo list that is never completed; it's advised to write this in chronological order.) I don't number all the hours, but if something happens in the evening, I'll write it and the time at the bottom of the rectangle; something around noon goes in the middle.
• Which brings me to the "todo" section. This is where I put todo items that don't have to be completed on a certain day, but probably that week. If it doesn't need to get done on that week, I might put that task on my monthly task list, to migrate to the appropriate week or day later.
• "Notes" is for random stuff/planning/doodles.
• The four sections to the right of "notes" is something I invented when I came up with this spread. Right now it's serving as a landing place for special projects. For example, I'm trying to blog more often, so if I come up with a blog topic, I'll write it in one of the big squares, and when I post it, I check it off. Or if I want to work on decluttering the garage for 15 minutes I'll write that in one of the squares. Any bigger project that has multiple steps goes in here. I aim to create bite-sized pieces of projects that will move the needle on the goals in my life. 
• (I had a week when I knew life would be really out of routine, so I filled in those squares with gentle self-care habits that I knew would help keep me sane. By intentionally listing stuff there, I wouldn't be able to write in unrealistic projects that would lead me to feeling disappointed in myself for not accomplishing them. Literally, I made the squares: (1) Queer Eye, (2) be kind to yourself, (3) order take out, (4) FaceTime a friend this week.

Like I've said before, this is totally new to me. For years (14 to be exact), I've used a basic Moleskine (or Moleskine-esque) notebook to just list All. My. Todos/ideas. in a running list. I did the stuff in whatever order and then migrated the uncompleted tasks to the next page whenever I turned the page. I appreciated that I never lost an idea and also that it gave me the freedom to do things when my brain wanted to do them.

It clearly worked for many seasons, and there probably will be more seasons to come when I will go back to it. (In fact, I imagine in the summer when life and time is more fluid, I probably will go back to that format.) But for right now, this is meeting a need. It's helping me manage my days and weeks to make sure I don't have too much or too little on any given day.

I'm going on Week 6 (longest I've kept up a weekly spread before), so we'll see! For now, I'm celebrating something that is working for me.

Everything

Okay. Theo's self-assessment of his school performance came home the other day with his parent-teacher conference packet and this paper encapsulates me to a T. I love it so much I can't get over it.

Hmm... Did I try my best?? As long as we didn't have to exactly follow the directions, then yes, yes I did do my best.

Emi's morning routine

Ahh! Emi made the cutest routine chart on Friday, the very next day after I had made my habit tracker. I actually don't think she had seen my tracker at all. I forgot that on Thursday morning I had gotten fed up with how hard it was for Theo to follow his morning routine so I made him a tiny checklist*--before I had even made my habit tracker. (So really, I inceptioned myself and had forgotten that my list for Theo inspired me to make my own chart.)

* I got out a sticky note and said, "Let's start backwards." I made a checkbox at the bottom and wrote "chocolate chip"** and then we wrote everything else that needed to happen before that. I "laminated" it with shipping tape and then he asked me to cut a slit so he could attach a clip lanyard to it. He wore it around his neck and used a dry-erase marker to check things off. (And he said, "Thank you, Mama." Like he had just been waiting for me to do this...)

** Can we please talk about rewards/motivation? I really want to know your guys' thoughts on this. For adults and children. I've been surprised how my perspective on this has changed in the last two years.

Okay without further ado, here is Emi's adorable drawing (with her permission):

Left: Post-breakfast routine; Right: Waking to breakfast routine. (My favorite is step 4 where she ascends from her bedroom in the basement to the main level of the house hahaha.) Also, please note the number of times that hand-washing occurs. ;p

Habit trackers

I made a monthly habit tracker spread in my bullet journal this morning for April. Even though I've been using the bullet journal format since late 2019, I've only created and used a handful of monthly habit trackers spreads.

This is my very first one in December 2019:

It really helped me boil down what are critical things to do everyday and it gave me the tiny reward of getting to check off a box / color it in.

I used it one more time in January of 2020 and then drastically simplified it in March of 2020 to something like this:

Haha that was so cute of me to do a sleep tracker. It's the only time I did it but I thought it looked cool in someone else's bujo. I think at that time I was really struggling with feeling rested when I woke up, so I was trying to figure out patterns.

In the tracker above I must have been focusing on the habits that pertained most to mental and physical health. (David remember those DIY kettlebells you made me when the yoga place shut down??) 

I didn't seem to keep it up much tracking the rest of the year (probably pandemic related?).

In January of 2021, I brought back the habit tracking but more in a micro format, focusing on absolute essentials to guide me each week.

I created this habit "widget" for the the first time I tried a weekly spread, rather than just letting my day take as much space as it needed. It helped for that time, but I didn't keep it up for too long. I think after only two weeks, I got bored and/or felt too limited by the weekly spread. (Some weeks I need to write a lot, and others I don't need to. Having only two pages per week just didn't work for me for long.)

Incidentally, I recently picked up weekly spreads for a second time, and this time it seems to be working a bit better. I think it partly helps that I've found a way to make it vertical rather than horizontal. And also I think I'm in a season where it's good for me to see the limits of my time.

I had a couple weeks in February of 2021 where I somewhat continued the weekly habit tracker interspersed into my daily logs. 

When the kids were doing remote learning at home it was nice to have some routines, something that was just for me to do and didn't have to do with anyone else's anything.

That leads me to today, more than one year later. It was surprisingly fun to put together.

I could give more details on this if you're interested, but one thing to note is that these things are roughly in chronological order for the day. Some are habits for which I need to get back on the wagon (e.g, I've been sliding towards at 5:45/6 am wake time lately), and others are ones that are pretty habitual and yet I'd like to reward myself with a checkmark nonetheless (e.g., making the bed). Others are just cues to my schedule, such as switching over laundry (and a super new habit of using the Delay Start option on the washer to prep a load the night before). The timed items are just minimums; I find it helps me just to get started.

When I sat down with my journal this morning I wasn't expecting to make a habit tracker; rather, it had been on my list to think about my April goals/foci. I had been mulling over it for the past few days, and while I had some ideas, I also felt really overwhelmed by the thought of tackling my goals. 

The habit tracker seemed like just the right thing to keep me moving forward and balanced into spring. My goals can't be accomplished if my sanity isn't in tact, and my tiny habits every day are a huge part of maintaining my sanity.

--

Do you use a habit tracker? Please text or email me a picture if you do! I'd be so curious to see what you're working on.

A few things that are working for me

Today I thought I would write a short list of things that are working for me. Some have been working for a long time, and some are new things I am trying out. Here they are, along with how long I've been doing them.

1. Using my phone in greyscale.

I only noticed this tip on my second read-through of How To Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price, which is a book that has a ton of other amazing tips, many of which I have adopted and found major benefit from. 

I love that the monochrome makes the screen less overstimulating and distracting; I find that I can focus a little better on what I came to do. Also, it makes real life all the more vivid. 

(On the old iPhone with the physical - and, so oddly, it's not even physical, it's a haptic that makes it feel like you're pressing the button, o brave new world - home button, I'm able to set a shortcut to triple-click the home button to toggle between b+w and color, when it's needed, such as for Maps.)

(Been doing this one since around Oct 2021.)

2. Similarly to the above, using Inbox When Ready on my computer and Compose on my phone. 

I'm sure it's obnoxious to all my friends whom I email before checking texts or even checking email, but it's super helpful for me to be able to send outgoing messages without being inundated with incoming requests.

(Began using Inbox When Ready in Dec 2019, searched for and found Compose shortly after.)

3. "Salty" oatmeal in the mornings.

1/2 cup Bob's Red Mill Quick Cooking Rolled Oats. Boiling water to cover, and then just a little more. Generous pinch of himalayan pink salt (maybe almost 1/8 t?), a few drops of vitamin D (HT: Bethany), and a pat of Kerrygold butter (you get to decide how "healthy" an amount of butter). Sometimes a dash of warmed milk and/or cinnamon.

This is my post-walk, pre-morning pages routine. Alongside a cup of coffee, obvs. Actual Breakfast happens about an hour to an hour and a half later with the kids.

(Probably started this Jan 2022, maybe earlier? Discovered this particular cereal more recently; I love its nutty taste and texture, almost a hybrid between steel cut and instant.)

4. Watching 20-30 minutes of Queer Eye every weekday.

I've been highly rigid with myself about entertainment all my life. I stopped reading for pleasure somewhere in high school and didn't really pick it up again until the first quarter of my 30s. And when I did, I felt highly guilty for doing so.

Not exactly sure how I developed this very recent routine of watching brainless, lovely TV every day when Cori naps, but it's been so healing, and it's so good for my mental health.

It's rather like a daily grace to myself; I don't need to complete a certain number of things on my todo list to earn or deserve it.

Fell off the wagon last week-ish and when I noticed that everything was feeling broken a couple of days ago I wondered if this was partly why.

(end of '21 or beginning of '22?)

5. Painstakingly labeling each of kiddos' markers with their colored tapes.

My SIL, Diana, shared a tip years ago about giving each of the kids a color, and they've been using their color for their plates, water bottles, etc., for a long time and it has simplified things tremendously. It has saved me so many breaths and I have definitely washed fewer dishes as a result of this one decision.

But the application of this that has been working recently has been to markers. We have had so many iterations of organizing art supplies, most of which have not been very successful. I was sick and tired of picking up markers off the floor, especially uncapped ones. Is there anything more aggravating?

Around Christmas last year, I bought three packs of washable markers for them at Target and was going to wrap them for gifts. I ended up holding on to them longer because I was not happy when the current system and didn't want these new ones to be squandered.

I decided to wrap a piece of their colored tape around each of the 20 markers in each set. (I know.) Even after taking the time to do this, I still didn't give the markers to them right away. 

But one day it became apparent that they needed new ones, so I packed up all the old stuff, and then put each set of markers into pails for each of them, marked their spots on the shelf for where it goes, and let them at it.

It has been surprisingly nice because now if they leave a marker out, we know (we ALL know) by just glancing at it, whose it is. And I think they are just a touch more motivated to cap and put them away because it's theirs.

A little overkill, perhaps, but the little mark on the shelf reminds them where their bucket goes. Every reduced brain decision is a win in my book.

My brain hurts thinking about which possessions should be co-owned by the group vs. owned by one individual. This method seems works for this particular area. 

At least for now.

(About a month? And there are currently no other writing/coloring implements out at the present besides #2 pencils. No colored pencils, no crayons, etc.)

6. A filing box for the car.

I know some people who "live in their cars." I am not one of those people. (I don't know if a homier homebody exists, honestly.) However, even for me, who is the furthest thing from someone who lives in her car, I find the car a constant mess of stuff, despite my best efforts.

Between kids' papers, important receipts, water bottles, endless returns, mittens (so many mittens!), and the books I bring to read when I have a minute here or there, I have not been able to get a handle on the passenger seat. 

I've been having this problem area on the backburner of my brain for a while because I figured there's gotta be something I can do that works for me. 

Lately I've been on a kick of turning "piles" into "files" by transforming things from being spread out horizontally to being "filed" vertically, even if those things are dimensional (new concept for me I learned from Jacyln Paul). 

I had thrifted this basket and was using it in my room for current projects, but decided to put it in the car and found that it conveniently fit in between the driver's and passenger seats! 

I put a few literal files in it to help me not lose important papers in transit; the back of the filing basket is reserved for things I need to return. Books I'm reading (to my kids or to myself) can also go in there vertically for easy access.

This still doesn't include a lot of other junk that does end up in the car, but it does feel like a little haven for me, that resulted in me asking, "How do I want this to work for me?" and "What do I need to have access to in the car?" rather than asking "How do I organize everything that is stuffed into the car?" (Which, the answer to that one is, I don't wanna.)

I don't know why this purpose/intention-focused organization had eluded me until now. But I'm glad I know about it now.

(Less than one week....)

--

Tell me: what's been working for you?

"Before" photos

The meat of today's post is a handful of photos of Theo and Cori's room on an average day. The state of their room has been bugging me a little lately and I've been wondering if I can make any improvements to it.

I am hoping these can serve as "before" photos and that one day there will be some "after" photos. 

I've been on yet another decluttering and minimalizing kick ever since my seminary roommate, Cassie, recently got me into The Minimal Mom on YouTube. The host, Dawn, is friends with Dana K. White of A Slob Comes Clean and so of course I read all of her books, too. 

One fun tip White recommends in Organizing For The Rest of Us is taking before-and-after photos of the spaces you're working on. 

Usually when I finish organizing a section of the house, I can't believe how I actually improved and transformed a space. Mostly, I'm left wondering why I ever waited so long to start.

But then, despite past successes, I still look at spaces in my house and feel hopeless. It's hard to imagine things being any way other than how they are.

So of course I wouldn't think to take a "before" picture. Because there's never going to be an "after."

However, today, I've decided to get curious and see what might happen if I take a "before" picture—if one can even call it that.

Before (see what I did there?), I would have seen a (my) blog as a platform for showing finished projects. Today, I’m just showing up.

Is it possible to subvert the whole concept of underpromising/overdelivering? What if, instead of setting any goals, be they tiny or aspirational, we held—without expectation—snapshots of where we are right now, existing in what we hope is a liminal space between what is and what might be?

I don't have any grand scheme or a vision of what things could be yet. However, I do find the power and cumulative effect of tiny daily acts really incredible. So whether I just put one sock where it belongs or I take the time to figure out better systems so we don't have to constantly be putting away socks, I'm hoping for evolution.

At the very least, there seems to be nothing to lose, except maybe my pride.

I've noticed that sometimes when I work on home organization projects I eventually hit an aha moment that really brings everything together and makes it "work", but I rarely have that piece of insight at the beginning of the project. 

It’s not unlike that moment where after typing eight pages of words for a five-page paper, you finally arrive at your thesis.

With Theo and Cori’s room, I'm starting today at the "prompt" stage. "Design a room that functions well for them and is not an eyesore for everyone else."

(Could teachers be more vague?!?!)

Knowing me, I’m likely to procrastinate and work on three other places of the house, and to my adult self, I’m saying, that’s okay! There’s no judgment! I don’t have to work in a linear way. There’s no deadline, there’s just something I want—a dream, a desire, a hope—and I’m learning that it’s okay to put this stuff out there.

That said, if you have any tips or ideas to solve all my problems, I’m all ears.

RIP

Our meals have been pretty sad lately, but I am accepting that this might just be a season. Whether it was motherhood or the pandemic that led to the death of finding joy in preparing food, I won't ever know. At this point, the best thing I can do is accept the reality, hope that it's just for a season, and create room in my life for other more satisfying creative outlets.

Not only does the New Lisa tolerate Tupperware, she also actually scrubs toilets and has been known to swipe at a baseboard with a rag every once in a while

I share this here in case any of you are struggling with boring dinner rotations or lack of novelty around the dinner table. You're not alone.

Without further ado, here is our ultra-boring dinner schedule we followed surprisingly religiously for about a couple months this winter. 

Perhaps a more fun way to think of this is as a capsule meal plan. Like, we haven't given up entirely on life.

Saturday: take-out (usually Mexican or Vietnamese) -- this is a new addition, and it's been super nice (albeit counter intuitive) to pair grocery shopping day with take-out
Sunday: sheet pan chicken OR pork chops and kale

Monday: tacos OR spaghetti (we got 1/4 cow last fall and it helps to just have one day a week I need to remember to defrost meat)

Tuesday: leftovers

Wednesday: xuxu soup OR cheater hainanese chicken

Thursday: leftovers -- pre-pandemic we rarely had leftovers night; now it's twice a week and I'm pleasantly surprised to find out I haven't (actually) died from this.

Friday: spam and egg w/ rice and cauliflower

(The overall concept of a fixed meal plan is a marriage of Kendra Adachi's "Decide Once" principle to reduce decision fatigue, and Zombie Mode, which is a schedule that the Alive version of yourself writes for yourself on the days you feel dead.)

In the past couple weeks I've definitely started to feel a slight desire to cook other things (er, more precisely, to eat other things). But instead of switching up the whole schedule--because the schedule has helped create more sanity for me--I'm slowly introducing the option to try something different on a Wednesday night (e.g., cast-iron roasted chicken). This seems to strike the right balance between routine and novelty for me in this season.

I'm thinking that when it's actually spring, I will have a mostly different meal plan (capsule?) for the week, and possibly with more free choice days. In the meantime, this has been serving us decently well.

P.S. Shockingly, we have been following our nmemonic breakfast schedule for five years (!!!), with only one change. On Tuesdays we have tater tots and scrambled eggs. 

Achieving failure

instead of covertly seeking
to attain perfection

and only then

presenting

the put-together self

today i choose to see 
failures as evidence 

that demonstrates

the simple fact
that i have tried

We're all 14 again

Please take these two quizzes, and report back to me:

Four Tendencies

What Clutterbug Are You?

February

Margaret of the What Fresh Hell podcast recently mentioned that her sister has a saying to never make big decisions in February. It's dark and dreary and it's not a good time to decide, "I need to open a bar in Puerto Rico," or "I think I'm gonna cut bangs" (oops!).

I hadn't heard that advice before, but I think it's spot-on. February has an energy that emerges after we've had a month to detox from the holidays, but before it's realistic to start thinking about our gardens again. 

However, deciding on a whim to have this door painted Unmellow Yellow was a Good February Decision.

I've survived this past January only by cooking the same booooring foods every week for weeks on end. (I just can't care. I won't always feel this way about cooking, but I probably will always feel this way in January. The more I fight it, the harder my struggle with depression.)

Then one day late in February, I wake up and think, hey, maybe, just maybe, I should/can cook something different today. 

Which is what happened two days ago with a beautiful roasted chicken.

Actually, to tell the truth, it began earlier with a I-Want-To-Eat-Lemon-Loaf-But-I-Can't-Bring-Myself-To-Make-It kind of energy. My mom had brought me a bunch of Meyer lemons and they had just been waiting to be turned into cake. Fortunately for me, my friend Bethany offered to help me make it so I didn't have to deal. 

(If you're wondering, it's the Silver Palate recipe; this is the first time I--er, Bethany--made the actual icing for it and it's so good.)

Within days of having that cake made and getting to eat it, I made a whole (!) roasted (!) chicken (!) for my family! The recipe was from Bon Appetit and called for a whole lemon, whole head of garlic, and 1/4 cup of butter. 

I'll put the recipe below because I switched up a few things, and also for your/my convenience because the recipe doesn't seem printable, and also why must one scroll back and forth from the steps to the amounts of the ingredients?!?! Admittedly, the pictures/videos(?) are good and helpful, so I recommend you read that first, but I will use my blog as future reference when I'm actually cooking this. 

I had started to draft this post in my head and then realized that I did this same exact thing (i.e., getting just a teesny bit excited about cooking) last year, in February. (Incidentally, from The Silver Palate, again. Haha, 1979 likes to call me every year in February.) I guess it's a thing. A "I Still Somewhat Like To Cook" thing. 

Anyhoo, if you too are needing a distraction from wanting to move to the equator or chop off all your hair, try this No-Fail Roasted Chicken with Lemon and Garlic.

Whole Roasted Chicken with Lemon and Garlic
adapted from Bon Appetit

1 whole chicken
4 t salt
black pepper
1 whole lemon
1 head garlic

Way ahead of time:

Make lemon cake so you can have lemons that have already been zested and are ready for this dish.

Ahead of time:

While you hands are Pre-Chicken Clean, cut a (or the aforementioned) lemon in half and remove any visible seeds. 

Then take a head of garlic and slice it in half, cross-wise. (Would this be considered "hamburger" style?)

Take out the chicken from fridge a couple hours before you want to cook. Fill a bowl with 4 teaspoons salt and a bunch of black pepper. (I might try some seasoned salt and/or oregano and smoked paprika next time.) 

Put chicken on a plate for marinating and make a 3"-long incision between the leg and breast, about until you hit the joint, exposing the leg. 

Then generously salt and pepper everywhere: inside the cavity, in between the leg and breast where you just cut, the breast and backbone sides, and under the wing. (I measure out a bowl ahead of time because it helps me make sure I use plenty of salt without getting chicken-hands on my salt and pepper things.)

You could pat the chicken dry during or before this process like BA tells you, but I'll be telling you to pat it dry later because the salt draws out more water.

Let chicken sit on the counter to dry brine. This (i.e., the salt and the time coming up to room temperature) helps ensure moist white meat.

About an hour before you'd like to eat:

Pre-heat oven to 425. Microwave 1/4 cup butter until melted. Then, transfer chicken, breast-side-up, to a cast iron skillet. Dry the chicken with paper towels, especially the side facing up. This helps get you a crisp skin.

Tuck both halves of lemon and garlic face down on pan. Pour melted butter all over the chicken.

Put in oven to roast about 45 minutes. When it's cooked, take it out and let rest in the pan for 10 minutes before serving. Serve with all the yummy pan juices; allow diners to squeeze extra lemon and fight over the roasted garlic pieces. 

--

Thank you, Elise and Maria!

Charlotte

Today I'm going to tell you a funny story from when my friend Hillary's daughter, Charlotte, was in the same kindergarten class as Theo. Charlotte is a sassy, pint-sized girl who cracks me up all the time. This happened two years ago but it still gets me, so I'm blogging the story so I can hereafter reference what is about to become our inside joke. 

--

One day Theo and Charlotte's kindergarten teacher was taking the students into the hallway one at a time for assessments. 

MRS. BENNETT: Charlotte, I want to see what you know about syllables--
CHARLOTTE (in sing-song): BO-RING! (claps twice to denote the syllables)

--

David and I use this all the time. You don't even need to open your mouth; you just clap (leaning forward, for dramatic effect) twice.

Close before you open

I came across the principle of "close before you open" a couple of weeks ago and have been mulling over it since. The phrase was referring to the idea of finishing a project before starting another one, although I certainly think it works in the literal sense: some people are really good at closing cabinets before opening other ones (I, on the other hand, have open shelves in my kitchen so that I never have to do that). Many others tout the merits of "cleaning as you go" and I swear, every time I do that, I end up needing the thing I've thrown away and/or washed. I always, always have one more thing to chop if I wash the cutting board in the middle of cooking, even if I've tried to think ahead.

But, aside from the literal closing of things and how I can't be bothered (cf. House Guest Instructions on why there are so many open trash cans in our house), I also struggle with figurative closing. I excel at starting--or generating--new projects, but find myself often abandoning projects once the novelty has worn off.

This has been a characteristic of mine since childhood. I wondered if it might be a maturity thing, but I've come to suspect that it's an inherent trait of mine. 

I lose interest once the hard parts are done and find completion boring. I love to come up with systems, and then am guaranteed to abandon them as soon as tehy start working because now it's boring. 

This came as a surprise to Diana when I mentioned it yesterday, as she sees me enjoy being a "closer" for others. This is because I get the gratification of their praise or affirmation. But no one praises me when I do a good job on my own things.

BTW if you've ever wondered why it's easier to do someone else's dishes than your own, it's because of this, the Frog-and-Toad-raking-each-other's-leaves-story Principle.*

(*Another universal principle: Kids ALWAYS want a banana if they see it in someone else's home, but NEVER wants to eat it at their home.**

**EMALES: Do you remember when the cashier at Trader Joe's asked me if I lived in a zoo?)

Anyhoo, I've been trying to figure out how to encourage both: the generation of ideas and the execution of ideas, all while also completing the many boring, yet necessary, tasks of life. 

In the gap is where I have to let some darlings go. And while I recognize that some culling needs to happen, I don't need to go so far as to never capture all the ideas in the first place.

Since becoming a follower of David Allen in 2008, I have pretty much limited myself to only capturing ideas in one main place, my "Moleskine GTD" (shout-out Momiller!). It's been my saving grace for capturing ideas and todos.

This post isn't about GTD, but as a brief summary, Allen's philosophy is that your brain isn't meant for storage; it's meant ideation. The less you force your brain to remember, the more room it has for creativity, problem solving etc. Thus, he urges readers to get their thoughts down externally, whether through digital or analog means.

For over a decade I have consistently kept up with a Moleskine journal in which I've kept my "Inbox," "Someday/Maybe," and "Notes" sections. (It's evolved a little bit into a bullet journal, but it still has the heart of the OG Moleskine Hack, which I can't even find on the internet anymore because it was in 2007.) 

I can't remember if Allen explicitly preaches against Post-it notes, but I've often heard that "naturally disorganized" people should avoid Post-it notes because they're not conducive to containing your junk. (Remind me to write a love letter to the Post-It note soon. I think I wrote a Post-it note already to do this, but just in case.)

However, when I read Jacyln Paul's book Order From Chaos this past January, I learned that while it's important for people like me to minimize the number of physical and digital inboxes that need to be processed, I need to maximize the number of places I can capture thoughts (what Paul calls "thought containers"). Enter: the Post-it note. (Other options are white boards, chalk boards, smart phone apps, etc.) 

In the last month and a half, as an experiment, I've opened the floodgates of Post-it note usage without shame or fear. (Don't freak out, Molly. I haven't abandoned the Moleskine; this is in addition to that system.) I have stacks of them everywhere in the house so that most of my myriad thoughts can land (and stick!). It has reduced my anxiety to know that my musings won't get lost.

(We don't have a huge house, but my brain does forget what it was doing if I have to leave a room to find a pad of Post-its.)

But, as you're probably wondering and I had wondered, what do I do with them and how do I not get overwhelmed by the sheer number of them?

Thankfully, Paul explains this in her book, primarily drawing from Allen's principles. The most helpful aspect was the concept of "Context," which she explained in a way that really stuck with me. She actually contextualized the idea of contextualizing for the ADHD brain. She helps us ask what tool, location, or situation is needed to complete the task. Some example contexts from her life are: "House (anytime), House (while my son's asleep), House (while my son's awake)... Outdoors...Weekend...Craft room...Computer...Phone (talking) and Phone (texting)...Television, for things I can do in front of the TV" (143-144).

As I'm experimenting with amending a system I have kept for 14 years (that is stinking long, especially considering I can't usual stick with systems after they start working), I've come up with a three-step summary of what I learned from Paul's book on how to manage my idea flow. And because I love you guys, they all start with Cs.

1) Capture: This is the permission to capture all my thoughts. So what if experts say to use one central list vs. millions of yellow sticky notes? It's more important for me to reduce anxiety that I'm not forgetting something. I'm still using my bullet journal as my main spot; Post-its are just a portable extension of that system. But, I don't stop there with just writing it down; the next step is to contain.

2) Contain: I'm currently in the process of limiting the number of actual inboxes where I process this information. (Another time we can get into why my baseline is to have lots of piles, and how prior to this point, I didn't think they deserved the dignity of being called inboxes.) The main one is on my desk in our room, and there's another one in the kitchen. At my desk, Post-its go in a physical inbox under a piece of fabric (so I don't get distracted by them, but I know they are there, and they are safe, resting under a pillowcase). 

(Incidentally other non-Post-it note items also go in these inboxes: stuff I have to deal with that is important but not urgent and requires a different kind of brain than I normally like to use.)

I now feel a new kind of freedom (rather than guilt) about capturing and containing all these things (flat and sometimes three dimensional), because I know I have set aside time each week to address each item and contextualize it.

3) Contextualize: This is the (currently once-a-week) processing step of All. The. Stuff. I prepare the following supplies to tackle these piles: a hot beverage, my aforementioned GTD notebook, my physical project files, and my computer. 

What I mean by contextualization is that I'm taking this time to figure out where the information or item will be relevant, if at all. Is it an email I need to send, so I put it by computer? Is it a blog idea, so I put it in my folder for blog ideas, or a home organizing idea so I put it in folder for the relevant room? Is it something my kids asked me to do? Is it an item I wanted to give someone so now I need to contact them to see if they want it? Where do I need the note to be so I can take appropriate action on it? Or, if the item or note has lost its relevance by the time I get around to it, it's time to discard or recycle.

It seems to be working so far because it utilizes the batching strategy: doing thinking/processing all at once, and not in between (or in the middle of) thought generation.

I've been doing this for almost a month and I think it's working. I'm maybe creating more work for myself, but I think that's just how I roll.*

(*Apparently, Theo inherited this trait from me. He is constantly doing more work to get out of doing work. E.g., building a LEGO conveyor belt that has to be manually wound in order to throw small pieces of trash away into a trash can below.)

--

Okay, that was a lot of words about Post-it notes, ideas, GTD. Thanks for bearing with me. I think it's important that I write this here because one of my biggest takeaways from Order from Chaos that will be a gift for me if I can remember it is this: I need systems that are robust enough to handle the way I think, but simple enough that I can do it for the rest of my life. If I don't keep up with idea-and-stuff management, I will be worn down by the nagging feeling of forgetting something, the demoralizing feeling of not finishing projects I start (and/or being surrounded by clutter), and the concern that something important is being neglected.

Thanks for reading this!

Thought that came to me in the shower this morning

If many people's best ideas come to them in the shower, maybe I should take more showers?

Dancing in an empty theater

Sandbox	Stage
morning pages	publication
home engineering	cleaning for company
expressing	impressing
deep work	time-bound event
playing	performing

Analogy

 utensils : unloading the dishes :: socks : putting away the laundry

2/15/2022

in the barren branch exists

everything needed

for eventual blossoms

Apparently

Apparently

I can still

get places

living

with 

the 

emergency 

brakes

still on.

But

this 

can't 

be

good 

for my body.

House Guest Instructions

Welcome to our home! We’re so glad you’re here. Here is some information we thought might make your stay more comfortable.

WIFI

Network: **********
Password: **************



BATHROOM

There’s one upstairs and one downstairs. The light switch for the upstairs one is on the outside. There are no bathrooms on the main level, which might be good to know if you are currently being potty trained.

We have bidets. They are warm and lovely. If you want instructions on the washing functions, you can find them suctioned to the inside of the upstairs medicine cabinet (the one with a mirror).

Bath towels are on top of the bathroom cabinet; hand towels are rolled up in the cabinet. The woven basket on the floor has clean towels; they’re just not folded (something you could do for us if you get bored). They are for any purpose: face, toothpaste splatters, hair. When you’re done using a towel, it can be tossed down the laundry chute (located under the bathroom cabinet).

FOOD

Please help yourself to anything; there’s no need to ask, although you certainly can if you need ideas. Go ahead and peek in the fridge; we know you want to. Unless something is labeled with someone’s name on it, it’s all up for grabs. In fact, please take our leftovers. We're tired of them.

BEVERAGES

We do drink the tap water. (Don't worry, we've been acting weird since before that.)

There’s a contraption by the sink that keeps hot water all the time for tea, coffee, and, well, hot water. (Lisa’s fave is about a 60:40 ratio between hot water and tap water.) Press “unlock” and then “dispense” in order to get hot water. It comes out a little fast, and it drips about two times after you let go of the dispense button, so just beware.

Teas can be found in the bamboo organizer on the open shelves under the mugs. There is also a tea drawer with a larger selection in the right-hand drawer between the pantry shelves.

We have instant coffee (gasp! Yes, this is what having children does to you, the horror!) If David is around, he would be thrilled to brew you a cup. We usually keep heavy cream in the fridge for coffee. Lisa can make coffee, too… she’s just not as professional about it. Some people have been known to call David “bro-rista”.

If you’re tall enough to reach the liquor without a stool, you’re welcome to it, as long as your parents are okay with it, too.  

CELL PHONE POLICY

We refrain from using our smart phones (i.e., checking and sending texts, taking calls, researching, etc.) on the main level of our house. We encourage the use of them on the wood stairs, in the up/downstairs rooms, and on the front patio, especially when the sun in shining. We kindly ask you to embrace our policy while you are visiting. There is a cell phone basket located on the white bookshelf when you enter, as well as a couple of chargers in the dark brown basket.

Please note: this policy does not extend to tablets or laptops, simply to personal phone-like devices.

Feel free to ask to borrow a tablet if you want to show us a funny video. We need to see it.

SPACE / NAPS

You’ll find paper to write or draw on in the back of this binder. Our kids would also be happy to show you where markers and other coloring implements can be found.

We’re firm believers in the nap, even if you are not an overnight guest. If you need to lay your head down for 5-17 minutes, we get it. You don’t even need to tell us about it.

If at any time during your visit you need a quiet place to regroup, please feel free to ask if our bedroom is available. The kids’ bedroom are also available most of the times. There’s no shame in laying down in a 6 year old’s bed for a little shut-eye. (Naps are lost on the young.)

TRASH / COMPOST / RECYCLING / ETC.

Yes, we have a lot of trash cans and trash can-like receptacles. Don’t be shy about asking us what goes where. But hopefully we can eliminate some confusion here.

Chickens: Any food except chocolate, eggshells, and citrus. (Apparently, garlic and onions will make the eggs taste “weird”, but wouldn’t garlic-flavored eggs be DELICIOUS???). We don’t always have a “chicken pail” out, so you might have to take this food out yourself. Feel free to dispose of food in the compost if that’s easier for you.

Compost: White circular garbage can under the coffee station. What goes in here besides food that we’re too lazy to take to the chickens?

• rotting food (see? this is what happens when you don’t help us with our leftovers!)
• any food items that can’t go to the chickens (see above, but wait, why are you throwing away chocolate?)
• tea/coffee filters/grounds
• paper that’s too soiled to recycle

Recycling: Mixed paper/glass/plastic. Main receptacle is the white tub under the red desk under the microwave.

Trash: Everything else that doesn’t fit into one of the above categories. Main receptacles in the kitchen area are: under the coffee station next to the compost and behind the dining table. Yes, the black and silver thing under the KitchenAid mixer that looks like a trash can is also a trash can. Lisa just can’t be bothered to take the extra step to open the lid.

ENTRANCES (OR EXITS, DEPENDING ON WHETHER YOU ARE A GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY TYPE)

Similar to the number of waste receptacles, our house has a lot of entrances / exits. We prefer anyone between 4-17 to use the basement backdoor to enter and exit when playing outside. This makes it less disruptive to the adults who are using the main space. This also provides direct access to a bathroom, which is the only thing they should be coming inside for… since there are water bottles on the concrete patio. Also, we periodically toss food out there.

 SHOES

We’re not a strictly Asian household when it comes to shoes in the house. (Well, one of us is more strict than the other, and you’d be surprised which one of us it is.) We kinda like to avoid shoes, especially on carpeted areas, but if you are going to be in and out, we don’t mind if you keep them on. If you already took them off before reading this, one of us is maybe thinking you passed the test.

Ask for house slippers if you just need something to keep you warm. (We love our original hardwood floors but it sure gets cold.) We would keep them out all the time like a proper Asian household but there are TOO MANY SHOES IN THIS HOUSE ALREADY.

TV

Omg modern TVs are the worst. Here’s our best attempt at explaining how to operate ours. In the back bottom right of the TV (yes, behind the screen), is a button. Push it in to turn on the screen. (Pull it in? School for the gifted.)

Next, grab the Roku remote control (hopefully the kids put it back in the remote control basket) and press the button that has a picture of a home on it. Now you’re on your own.

We haven’t used the actual TV remote in a while, so we recommend you use that same button behind the TV to adjust the volume (left and right is softer and louder).

--

Hopefully we’ve covered most of your questions. If there’s something else you need, please don’t hesitate to ask. If you are painfully shy, maybe try asking Cori for help? She knows everything. At the very least, she can recite the Lord’s Prayer for you.

Lastly, we hope you’ll sign our guestbook. No one else has since 2010, which is why Lisa wrote these instructions so we can get more autographs.

We hope you enjoy your stay.