A letter to my winter self

Dear Winter Lisa,

There will be a time when you will feel debilitated, like a stone has been tied around your waist and is pulling you under water.

What can we do to protect you from sinking, love? For starters, when you begin to feel this way, I want you to read this letter and remember that I see you. You’re probably feeling sad and struggling with how hard everything feels especially because you are usually a happy, jubilant, initiating human and right now you feel dull and stuck.

Sure, diet and exercise will help. But you need more than these things. Tell Peggy. Tell Bethany. Tell David and Diana. Increase your meds to 50 mg even if they make you feel “funny.” Go on all the flights you booked to San Jose, even if you think you don’t need to go. There is no medal for getting through winter without extra support.

These trips you take in the dead of winter are not meant to fix your feelings or help you “make meaning” out of winter; they are simply to keep you alive for Summer Lisa.

I’m guessing that what is the hardest is not the acceptance of the rain or the gloom but acceptance of how low your mood is. There is nothing wrong with you, even though you don’t “feel like yourself.” Please know that I accept you as you are right now, and that I love you.

You are worthy even when you struggle. Happiness is not perfection and perfection isn’t even what is being asked of you.

Hang in there, and I’ll see you next summer at the lake.